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-   -   i did it(warning trigger)[bad language warning too] (https://www.takethislife.com/eating-disorders/i-did-warning-trigger-bad-language-20460/)

Crystaltears 02-05-09 05:33 PM

i did it(warning trigger)[bad language warning too]
I made myself throw up...jsut now i figuired out how to in a dorm without getting caught. it's okay though most bulemics are skinny. I'm fat. So it's ok. No one expects a FATTY to throw up their lunch. No one expects that hippo they pick on daily to go and practice bulemia....and if they found out they'd be like "good maybe you'll lose weight"
This is for every motherfucker who has made a fucking comment about my weight or called me a name other than human(whale cow hippo ect)
I hate even talking about whales and cows now the animals because of that and cause im afraid the listener will call me one.
I'm not skinny get that striaght my friends all make comments about my weight and my appearance so did everyone in highschool and my family. my one counselor only told me to lose weight. he was a man of course.
And i can hide my problem so easily. no one knows. im fat. fat girls dont throw up their dinner, or they'd be skinny. ignorant bastards...
i know how to smile and be your fat friend. ive been told i was unattractive by just about every guy i know(almost some say otherwise but its such a small percentage it doenst count and ahlf of them were forcing themselves to say it.)

oneofthose 02-05-09 09:48 PM

I know you might be feeling productive making yourself throw up like that. I used to do it in my past, so I really do understand the lure. I have stopped since then and I'm glad I didn't let myself get too far with it.

Bulimia is really not the way to go. The acid from your stomach is not meant to pass through the tissue lining the inside of your throat, nor is it meant to be in your mouth. The acid can cause ulcers (holes) on the inside of your throat and also make your teeth weak and brittle. Not to mention, over time you will begin to have breath problems from all the throwing up.

Please, there really are better ways to lose weight than this.
I know the idea of excersize is overwhelming.. I know you probably feel like you have to feel you need to lose the weight, but that will come in time.

Baby steps are what you need to do. Even walking around or turning on some music and doing a little jig in your room by yourself to start off your day.

Every little bit counts. That is what you need to remember.
You are beautiful :) please, don't let the evil voice in your mind tell you otherwise.

Oubliette 02-09-09 10:48 PM

I urge you to listen to what oneofthose is saying because it's exactly right.

What you need to also consider is that by getting rid of food in your stomach, or skipping meals, it will slow down your metabolism which actually makes it a hell of a lot easier to gain weight, especially if you're prone to it from the beginning.

I've been through all this, hated the way I looked and thought I was too fat and started to starve myself and throw up when I binged. The first time was easier because starving myself didn't seem to feel as painful (you know...the hunger pains) I had a lot of trouble purging though (lets just say...it's not my strong point...how morbid..lol).

the first time, my mum almost sent me to a clinic, but I started to eat again for fear of that. The second time was worse, I starved and overexercised. I managed to hide it from everyone until it became really bad, but as my relationship of 4 years ended...I started to eat again. The third time was probably the most weight I've lost. I was in a bad relationship and went back to overexercising and starving. I even went as far as to keep a log of every single thing I ate and it's calorie content. I was surviving on under 500 calories and over 3 hours of exercise a day.

Each time I did this it was not pretty. I looked gaunt, sick, ugly, and extremely tired. I also gained weight extremely quickly once I tried to eat normally...or even after starving myself for a little while and then eating again...your body goes into starvation mode and all you'll be doing is storing fat every time you eat.

I'm not going to lie though....if you starve...you will loose weight...but it will be muscle weight that goes first. I found this out the hard way...as my 'jiggly bits' became a whole lot more jiggly and wouldn't 'un-jiggle' themselves no matter how much exercise I did.

If you want to loose weight....go Vegetarian or Vegan! just being on that diet alone will make you loose weight (without exercise...100% positive of this considering i've been lazy for a while now...lol)

It might seem easier to just purge....but I guarantee you it will only make things harder. Actually my sister is a perfect example as her problem was more extreme than mine. She was bulimic and actually managed to get down to an extremely low weight...but looked incredibly sick. She now has a lot of stomach problems and managed to gain quite a bit more weight when she started eating healthier again. It's taken her a long time to work off the weight...she's still slogging it out at the gym and has recently gone Vegan as she's seen how effortless it is to lose weight this way and still be healthy (and eat a lot!).

oh crap...I've written a small novel as usual...lol...it's just a topic that is close to my heart and something I've found an alternate solution to that keeps me healthy and conscious of what I'm putting into my body.:smile:

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