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TooMuch 04-24-15 04:44 PM

Giving up on Men!
 
Hey, Guys!

I've been thinking about this for awhile and lately I've been thinking of giving up on dating and men. It's a hard call for me because the one thing I think I've always wanted was to be loved.

Anyway, I think I just want to give up. I think in some ways it would be freeing! Just work on what makes me happy. IDK. The dating man thing hasn't worked out for me and why not just move on and be happily single. IDK.

Maybe some of us were just meant to be single and that's okay!!!! IDK.

lucid lunacy 04-24-15 05:33 PM

Not all men are bad, same goes for women. It seems hasty to resent any form of dating but perhaps taking more time before getting into a romantic relationship would help; Learning more about the person before getting involved with them.

Stopping dating won't erase your needs especially not one like wanting to be loved but it can make you more desperate if they go unfulfilled for an extended period of time. I know it's only one person's experience and you can just as well get the opposite but my friend did that about a year ago; she wrote off men because of the trauma she got over the years and then, a girl swept her off her feet and a month later she was feeling even worse because of all the crap that girl was putting her through. It took a whole lot to end all the drama that came with the relationship falling out.

Just saying being more cautious and taking more time before entering a relationship rather than writing them off completely might serve you better in the long run.

SensualGirl 04-24-15 05:37 PM

1. Women end up alone regardless either as widows or divorcees

2. Counter: better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

-Have you ever been in love? Have you ever m*d* l*ve? If so, you had your thrills and can now retire...

-You could also just take a break from it...

-Do you enjoy sex? Or do you just do it for the guy? Take time to figure out what you want in the bedroom.

-You could experiment with women. Just be aware that they can be every bit as terrible as some men and that some of them only have unprotected sex. Nearly impossible to get HIV though.

-If you don't want children then there's still time

I personally love being single. There's this great guy who very cute and all but he's a loner and he's working on himself and he's too young and I have a feeling he's not good in the sack. I prefer patriarchs I think. Equal partnerships seem lame. IDK... Anyway if you're single and unattached to anyone you call travel maybe or take up hobbies or learn, take a class, get a second job, go into religion, anything! If you can't leave you can get a pet. Like I said I really like being single. Hope that helped.

TooMuch 04-25-15 12:10 AM

Thanks Guys. I feel drained right now, I think that's the best description. I feel I have nothing to give to a man especially when it comes to my energy. Plus, In over 25 years of dating, I haven't found someone who wants to be with me like....forever.

I think at this point, I feel like it's okay to 'stop trying'. It's like pure exhaustion for me.

Problem is my need is to be loved and to stop dating just cancels out that need. I have been thinking of other ways to fill in the need to be loved. Getting a cat, maybe a job where I work with and take care of people might be good but haven't done it yet. It's like 25 years of being with the wrong man/men and I'm trying to make it right hasn't worked for me.

I think in some ways it would be freeing for the first time in my life to think of myself and my own needs.

I could have someone booty call from time to time and I thought of that. Sex for me is the bullshit I have to put up with to have a man around. I think I have some negative opinions about sex, which has affected me abit mentally to the point I don't enjoy it anymore or feel used. IDK.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. But I also know that my need for love is very strong. I wouldn't say desperate but I got a lot of love to give and have over the years and got nothing in return for it either. sex is not love and maybe I had to learn the hard way. For me if I have sex with you it's about love and relationships. Maybe not so for the guys I've dated. Mind you all my ex-boyfriends have moved on and gotten married. Go figure.

Maybe it's okay to stop wanting, chasing, and hoping. Maybe this is how it's suppose to be for me. Maybe it's okay to give up.

Just trying to find something that works for me.

Thanks for the replies and the advice I will keep everything in mind.

SensualGirl 04-25-15 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TooMuch (Post 2084314)
I could have someone booty call from time to time and I thought of that. Sex for me is the bullshit I have to put up with to have a man around.

That's called filling the void. It's also a type of prostitution because you're only doing it in exchange for something else. It's the illusion of companionship. You will probably feel used.

There are other ways to fill a void, like spirituality, knowledge, music, etc.

loco 04-25-15 01:23 PM

My cat slaps me in the face to wake me up so maybe speed date some cats before selecting a pet if you go down that route

TooMuch 04-25-15 09:34 PM

Lol! I had one cat that use to do that. LOL:rofl:

Dawnnevercame 05-31-17 11:53 PM

I know what you mean. When i was a kid I had it all planned at age 9. study hard , work hard graduate university work and have my own family ( and the last part was what i really wanted , because i came from a very loving family ) it wasnt easy believe me from education and market crashes,.... but i stood strong. I never wanted to mix dating and studying. in my mid 20s i had my first date and turned out the guy was married. It didnt get any better over time ( and i am picky and dont do he looks cute ) i go for personality and seriousness and have to know them before dating them. well i am 40 now , the last relationship i had, was again even though he says was very serious and was talking marriage, well treated me with no respect , he was flirting with all sorts and when i mentioned it to him , he said but its nice. But i told him i dont like it, he still did it and i think marriage was never his thing. he wanted it due to financial security or someone to take care of him and the kids ( he had a very strange idea of how to be a dad ) I know lucky escape . I broke it off when i saw he was flirting with another lady right on facebook. but it makes me reflect back in all my life time;
1. no one truly said i love you and meant it
2. I never was given flowers or a personal gift
3. never been pampered or treated to something special

I do not know the magic formula or is it luck , i really dont know. I just want to have a nice husband that love and respects me and to have couple of kids . I dont think it will ever happen. I just go to work home now and i feel so very very empty

elguapo 06-01-17 05:48 AM

I've often felt the same way about women. Finding the right person is hard and when you do find them they're never a 100% fit. Much more like 75/25 at best.

TooMuch 06-03-17 02:18 AM

Relationships are so tough. thanks for the replies.

TooMuch 06-03-17 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dawnnevercame (Post 2654826)
I know what you mean. When i was a kid I had it all planned at age 9. study hard , work hard graduate university work and have my own family ( and the last part was what i really wanted , because i came from a very loving family ) it wasnt easy believe me from education and market crashes,.... but i stood strong. I never wanted to mix dating and studying. in my mid 20s i had my first date and turned out the guy was married. It didnt get any better over time ( and i am picky and dont do he looks cute ) i go for personality and seriousness and have to know them before dating them. well i am 40 now , the last relationship i had, was again even though he says was very serious and was talking marriage, well treated me with no respect , he was flirting with all sorts and when i mentioned it to him , he said but its nice. But i told him i dont like it, he still did it and i think marriage was never his thing. he wanted it due to financial security or someone to take care of him and the kids ( he had a very strange idea of how to be a dad ) I know lucky escape . I broke it off when i saw he was flirting with another lady right on facebook. but it makes me reflect back in all my life time;
1. no one truly said i love you and meant it
2. I never was given flowers or a personal gift
3. never been pampered or treated to something special

I do not know the magic formula or is it luck , i really dont know. I just want to have a nice husband that love and respects me and to have couple of kids . I dont think it will ever happen. I just go to work home now and i feel so very very empty

Sorry, things didn't workout....hopefully in the future things will change for you. R u trying to get out and mingle? Trying dating sites? I was turned off by the dating sites myself but I tried and at least was entertained for a few weeks. Too much sex talk for me. Idk. Absolutely sucks to be alone at 48 years old.

TooMuch 06-03-17 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elguapo (Post 2654850)
I've often felt the same way about women. Finding the right person is hard and when you do find them they're never a 100% fit. Much more like 75/25 at best.

My problem completely....if I could combine ex boyfriend 1 and ex boyfriend 2... I would have the perfect guy. Lol

SensualGirl 06-03-17 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TooMuch (Post 2655258)
Sorry, things didn't workout....hopefully in the future things will change for you. R u trying to get out and mingle? Trying dating sites? I was turned off by the dating sites myself but I tried and at least was entertained for a few weeks. Too much sex talk for me. Idk. Absolutely sucks to be alone at 48 years old.

Why does it suck to be alone at 48? What's wrong with it?

Are you trying to fill a void through having a man instead of filling the void from within?

Like I said, women end up alone regardless, whether as widows or divorcees. Divorce is psychologically the same as battling cancer btw.

SensualGirl 06-03-17 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TooMuch (Post 2655266)
My problem completely....if I could combine ex boyfriend 1 and ex boyfriend 2... I would have the perfect guy. Lol

Nobody's perfect.

Vaporeon 08-27-17 02:34 AM

While taking time to be single is good (I've been single a long time and I enjoy in personally) I think it'd be better to take a more positive approach to it. Take the time you need to be single rather than "give up" on relationships. Maybe what you need is not to give up on men but figure out what kind of men you want and want to avoid.
Hope that helps.

flame 04-29-18 05:58 AM

Hi TooMuch, remember me? It's flame and we have sent replies back and forth for a very long time and I haven't been on here in a very long time and I see your still here and having issues with men as I am too. I could not agree with you more. I always enjoyed talking with you because you sound like a very, very nice lady and we have similar problems. I too feel like if me and my guy ever break up and trust me, I think about it a lot, I doubt I will ever find someone again. I'm pushing 40 now and they are all looking for young, slim, 20 something year old shallow girls. I'm none of these things. I've often thought about changing but why should I change who I am to please a guy? They are not going to change for us ladies so why are we doing it for them? Anyway nice to see your still here because you sound like a good woman. You just want to be loved the same as me. Nothing in the world wrong with that. Even balding, fat, and often men with little to no money still think they are entitled to young, slim, fit women and I have to roll my eyes. Not too many men out there that I see look like a Ken doll with nice, muscular bodies and a full head of thick hair but we women have to look like Barbie. It's laughable. I hope you remember me so we can talk more about our problems with men. Take care.

flame 04-29-18 06:08 AM

Also I know we talked about these bullshit chatlines/dating websites in the past and they all say the same thing. Every guy on there is freaking IDENTICAL. All they care about is sex and they all say that typical, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now," bullshit. Are they ever looking for anything serious? Not as far as I can tell. To me when I hear, "I'm not looking for anything serious," that means a one night stand and that's not me.


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