oh no.
 

it has been a very hard week. my son was hospitalized. everywhere I turned I heard the word "policy"
this is our policy..we have to keep him because it's our policy..you can't talk to him, we won't tell you about him..because of policy.
and then I wrote to my doc, to refill a prescription, and I found out I needed an appointment because it was the "policy"
and I lost it.
I didn't swear or anything. but I said I didn;t need medicine or treatment anymore because I lost faith in the healthcare system. and I am gonna take care of myself.
then I deleted my account.
I hadn't been eating, or sleeping properly. I forgot my own meds for a few days. and I was so disheartened. I saw the word policy,I thought " oh, I am just a body with symptoms that falls under a certain category in a policy" and I wasn't really mad, just I didn't care. I wanted to run down the street as far as I could without stopping to get away from everything.
instead I email my doc that mean thing.
I can't get another email out( my account is closed). So I guess on monday I can go and write a letter and just leave it at the desk.
I burned a lot of bridges lately. a lot.
my son is home now. I want to stay stable and healthy to help him. Even if the doc doesn't take me back as a patient, i just want to apologize.
I feel so mean right now.

You aint mean :hug:

Trust me, policies will always be annoying. And trust me when i say this, policies are much more annoying to workers. But they do exist for a reason. To them, you aint just body of symptoms, neither is your son. But what would happen if they let everyone do according to their free will? Anarchy in every hospital. That would be bad. Rules are there to organize our lives, they exist for a reason of making life easier and safer. We wont like them most times, but they are for our good.

Can you maybe re-open your account?

Hope you will feel better soon tess :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: ((((((((((((((((((tess)))))))))))))))) :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

thanks :) I guess I was just overwhelmed by everything. I was used to having doctors work with me. And in the past m doctor has always been great, even when I found out I have vitamin B12 and D deficiencies, he didn't just say " go out and eat a steak" he respected my choice to be vegan, and he didn't give me any grief about the occasional water fast. I had two doctors like that. One transferred to help veterans and I say good for her cause they really needed a doctor like her. she as well as the doc I just lost( hopefully not) really promoted lifestyle change as well as medicine if needed. And that is what had me well. they actually listened to stuff I researched and added their knowledge to men and together we came up with solutions. But it seems their hands are tied as well, unfortunately because some people do like to abuse the system, I can see why the policies are there. must be extremely frustrating to their side as well as mine. But some of the docs, seriously they have this little formula they calculate out on an iPod, like symptoms and say " well, you need to be on this med or that" and that's when I get my back up, when I or someone I love just becomes check marks on a list. But my old docs didn't do that. they gave me options, and let me try a combination of stuff.
I went through my husband's account ( I take care of all the stuff, he doesn't even know his password lol) and sent a message to the doctor and staff. Even if they don't take me back, at least I apologized. I am a lot calmer now. I got in 40 minutes of meditation and I am actually eating, and having my son home is wonderful. I did stop some meds, cause if they didn't help me chill out then what's the point of taking them? And I actually feel ok, except a few annoying withdrawal symptoms that I am trying to ignore. Well, thanks again for you support :) Glad your mood is fine today :)

I am glad you are calmed down now. :hug: Yeah doctors can be pretty stiff with those formulas and all, but i think that bigger amount and thats the amount that actually turns into great doctors is the one that cares and is always ready to try new solutions and discuss things with patients. Hope i will be the good kind of doc in future. :)

I am sure they will take you back, there is no reason for them not to do it! :hug:

They took me back! First email I got this morning :)
Sounds like you'll be a good doc, you totally called it :D

Yay! Happy that they got you back in! :thumbsup:

me too :) The doctor called me last night, just to see how I was doing. He said he tried calling after my infamous email but I didn't answer. Because I had turned my phone off and was hiding out in my room...for damage control. so we both got a laugh out of it. So tonight, once I get all my household stuff in order, I'm gonna find my cognitive behavior for dummies book and start reading it again. I think I need a refresher course :) things are falling into place. I was looking back over the past month, complaining about how it was supposed to be a good year for me, according to my horoscope, and so far..not so god! My husband said " look at it this way, everything bad that's happened so far, we've figured out. we have a home, and food, and transportation..this is our finest hour!" He's right :) Sometimes the little details and the fight get in the way of the big picture :)
have a good one!

Wow, i am happy to hear that. You will get better, i know it, sometimes we do get preoccupied with failures so we dont notice our success's. :hug: :hug: :hug:

very very true. Of course we celebrate the people around us but forget to celebrate our own achievement. they always say, treat yourself like you would treat your best friend, and have compassion for yourself and forgive yourself. that is freaking hard! It feels more natural to be mad at myself for my failures, and wish someone would tell me I am ok. I guess I need practice! I will be Stuart Smalley, I'm good enough and gosh darn it I love myself ! LOL