Take This Life

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-   -   my story of success (https://www.takethislife.com/success-stories/my-story-success-185793/)

surfcaster 12-15-14 05:18 PM

my story of success
i will make this as short as i can. as young as i can remember i was verbally and physically abused by a father who was a cop, and subsequently by other kids in school and in the neighborhood, i was the oldest sibling of 3 brothers and 1 sister, i was 7 and 8 years older then my brothers and 2 years older then my sister, for some reason i was the one that wasn't wanted by my father, i was severely beaten and ridiculed until i was about 19 years old, growing up in the city i was hated and not trusted by other kids my age because i was a cops son, so i was picked on, this carried on through school, i was constantly getting in fights, at some point im not even sure when, i turned to alcohol and drugs, i was very deep into the drug world for a long long time, i was deeply depressed and did nothing to help myself, back then being diagnosed as depressed was not a very good idea, as i started into my 20s i had been working a very physically challenging job for 4 or 5 years and was beginning to get very strong and the years of being forced to fight had made me good at it, add in the drugs and the explosive temper from them i had transformed into a completely different person, i still had no friends but now it wasn't only because my father was a cop but because people were affraid of me, there was nothing i would not do to someone who crossed me the wrong way. i went through life for many years deeply depressed, even after getting married the depression continued to the point my wife was not willing to help me any more and was ready for divorce. it was in my 40s that i had attempted to take my life for the first time, i was admitted to the hospital where i had got help, i quit the drugs and was going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist, i did this for several years, all it seemed to do was calm down the suicidal feelings, i was still very depressed, after a couple of years things started to get worse again and i attempted for the second time. i tried to get better for my wife, i tried to do it for my daughter, for my family, for friends and because i knew it was the right thing to do, but i am here to tell you that it wasn't until i decided to do it for MYSELF that things started to truely get better, i began to be happy, i have a love for my wife that i never expirienced before. there is hope for all of you, there is a way out of this hole, yours might not be the same as mine but it is there all the same, don't ever give up trying, don't ever give in to the temptation, today i am glad i did not succeed in suicide, there is so much i want to do to make up for the years that were stolen from me. keep fighting and do it for you and you will get there, don't let it take you 50 years like i did.

D1zzy 12-16-14 07:20 AM

Hi surf, great that you got there in the end :smile:

celery 12-16-14 10:49 AM

That was inspiring and nice to hear, Surf. Really glad for you.:thumbsup::hug:

sook 12-16-14 01:38 PM


I am kind of new to the forum, lurked for a while and even posted a few times. I am 57 years old single guy and lonely with little support from family and friends. Dealing with MDD and GAD for a while now, tried every med. possible except MAOI's and ECT which both scare the crap out of me, I am basically med. resistive to overcoming my depression and anxiety. I don't know how you fought through it and found happiness and joy in your life again but I wish the best for you. I constantly fell suicidal because I have lost all hope and see no way out of this episode. I have struggled with this disease in the past and pulled through with meds. but because of my none treatable condition now I see no way out but to cash in my chips which I don't have the guts to do so here I set and suffer waiting for old age to take my life and the pain away.

I pray that we ALL recover but I see no hope for me.

You stated you have battled for 50 years, how did you survive that long ?

Wishing you all the best, you are one lucky man !

surfcaster 12-16-14 02:01 PM

well sook it wasn't easy and i guess in a lot of ways i was extremely lucky. remember i attempted a couple of times and it was by the luck of god that i did not succeed, i was admitted to the hospital more than a few times and in between was not allowed to be alone very much., i couldn't work for a long time and i had to excommunicate myself from my family and everyone else in my life except my wife and daughter so i could begin to heal, essentially i had to quit everyone and everything in my life and start new, that was the only way for me to get out from under the burdens that were continuing to keep me from healing and getting my mind back on the right track. like i said before i had to do it for me before it would start to work, until then i just wasn't willing to let go of the people in my life, they weren't all to blame but they were assosiated with the ones who were and that just wasn't good i guess, it worked for me, and that's great but it might not be for everyone, not everyone can let go of everyone and start brand new, sometimes you need lots of people arround who can comfort you and i just didn't have that.

sook 12-16-14 04:11 PM

Surf, thanks for the reply it means a lot to me right now. I have a couple of questions to ask you if you don't mind ?

Are you on meds. ?

How many depression episodes have you battled through since your first one ( this my 7th, 1st one was when I was 28 years old ) ?

Are you near my age ( 57 ) ? I think I may be too old to pull through this one ?

Thanks in advance,

P.S., I live near Huntington Beach, CA so I appreciate your Surfcaster user name :thumbsup:

surfcaster 12-16-14 07:09 PM

no problem sook i'll do anything i can do to help,
yes i am on meds i take welbutrin, cymbalta, abilify and klonopin, i also see a therapist and a psychiatrist on a regular basis.
i have had more severe depression episodes then i can remember but in general i was depressed all of the time, there were no times i can think of where i was never depressed.
i am 54 years old so i guess im near your age, and you are not too old to heal, as for my user name i love to surf fish from the beach which i live close enough to go to, it is my one happy place where i can go and nothing else matters, by the way im from the mid atlantic coast.

WhenAutumnEnds 06-18-15 11:45 AM

Wow, what a beautifully inspiring story! I am so glad that your hard work paid off, and sooo glad you shared this story. There is no replacement for hope and inspiration from real life...

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