Take This Life

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-   -   I'm new here (https://www.takethislife.com/depression/im-new-here-185505/)

uncertainsmile 12-14-14 10:17 AM

I'm new here
 
This will be a little bit about me as I hope to help others and also perhaps receive some wisdom as well. I am diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 but feel I may not fit that characteristic. The depression is clear and identifiable, yet the hypo mania is a gray area for me. I enter depressive periods a lot, sad, lethargic, no feeling of purpose or self worth, although I'm functional. I've attempted suicide twice. I use work as an escape and hence I believe I'm a workaholic, as that is the only thing in life I have any kind of control of. I'm somewhat fortunate for this, because I could do much worse to find escape. I don't do well in relationships, my marriage is failing. I can't seem to find deep connections with people because I feel I have a very low awareness of my emotions. I tend to be a people pleaser, as a way of gaining self validation. I'm a high achiever and put too much pressure on myself to succeed. I have two kids that I love very much. But at the end of the day there is something wrong. Beneath the depression is a shell of a human being. I fee there's no substance, nothing to offer. This realization slowly developed over time and they symptoms of depression, crushing anxiety and deep loneliness have come about because of that.

This is a not entirely happy introduction to myself but glad I'm here :)

123Noon321 12-14-14 10:57 AM

Welcome to TTL. I hope you will like it here and find all support you need. Two kids and a workaholic? You sound great!! :thumbsup: I am sorry for you depression, bipolar and marriage that is failing, but who knows? Maybe it gets saved, or maybe you found another love in your life. Anyway, i am looking forward to seeing you around. :)

P.S. Please dont attempt suicide anymore, you created two beautiful human beings. Thats more then good reason to stay alive and keep fighting.

I started rambling too much, welcome to forums. :wave:

rememberthegirl 12-15-14 11:44 AM

2 Attachment(s)
Hello and welcome! I can definitely relate to the workaholic lifestyle, it makes me feel like I've at least accomplished something and stops my mind from running wild and wandering into dark places.

Glad you've came to join the ttl family! You're safe here, see you around :)

tessamess 12-15-14 12:10 PM

Glad you are here too
 
I just joined and already feel welcome. This place feels kind of safe. Cause you can say how you feel and people won't get mad at you. Relationships are sort of hard, and scary cause you have to find your identity within the relationship. And not let it swallow you. The depression shell is , well, depressing. I hope you feel better soon ( I have bipolar too, the mania is my biggest fear. But you know how it goes..nothing is permanent!)

EMMUREMENT 12-17-14 12:36 AM

Welcome here! I'm new here as well my friend.

angie 12-17-14 08:54 PM

uncertainsmile:

One thing for certain is that you are very articulate and well spoken or in this case written.

I can tell you are also in therapy as what you have written is quite insightful.

I am glad you are addressing these things now and that you are functional. Some of the things you have said resonate with my experience. I am now however to the point where I am nonfunctional though. Keep posting here and working on you!! :D

Dania 12-18-14 01:48 AM

Hi, sorry that you have bipolar. I understand that it is a bit hard to deal with. You have many friends here.

Quote:

I use work as an escape and hence I believe I'm a workaholic,
Exactly the same for me. I'm glad to hear few others here are the same. It make me feel normal.

I always say that my job is my escapism, I can work long hours...doesn't matter the reason behind it.

Sorry no wisdom words from me for you, but just like to say that I'm just the same like you on the working part.

Hope you feel better today:hug:


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