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Tears of Stone 11-25-14 07:58 PM

My Gran
 
Tomorrow my Gran will be cremated. I want to be brave enough to say something at the service but I'm not sure I'll be able to hold it together. My Gran was not just my Gran but one of my parents and we lost my Grandad 2 years ago, they're both gone now and I can't bear it. They left everything to my mum and me and it's frightening and overwhelming and I don't even know where to begin with stuff plus I'm taking time off from uni to be here with my mum and her partner because they're all I have left now. I keep wandering about her house and looking at all her things and having to go through some of it is too much I want them both back I hate them not being here. I don't know that I can bear the pain that's threatening to ensue when I stop feeling numb. I love her so much. I know I sound like a child whining why but I don't like the thought of being in a world where they're both gone. Stop the world I want to get off :sob: :sob: :sob:

SensualGirl 11-26-14 02:54 AM

Please have my sympathies. :hug: I would speak at the funeral but not out of obligation, only if it will help you grieve.

123Noon321 11-26-14 05:33 AM

I am deeply sorry to hear about your loss. :frown: My condolences. :hug:

Tears of Stone 11-26-14 05:16 PM

Thanks to both of you that's very sweet.
I managed to speak and say everything I wanted but only because I'm running on auto-pilot and I still feel incredibly numb. Despite that the service was lovely and really personal to her. My gran had a love of horses so a friend brought her pony to the crematorium so I led the pony in front of the hearse going in. It was a nice touch. I have a form of BPD which means usually I feel things over intensely and I fear what kind of mess I'm going to be when things eventually kick in or sink in. I hate feeling nothing I felt and feel like an empty shell through this. But I also don't want to feel things so over intensely that it makes me want to die.


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