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silent cry 11-15-08 09:48 AM

i drank diet coke with added vitimins ystday.. thats good enough for me.

i feel really guilty today... snacked on 2 biscuits b4 my soup today..ugh.. ile have to go with less tommorrow to punish myself for it

ozzycat 11-15-08 09:52 AM

no need for punishment silent,
please be careful trying to lose weight though.

love you silent

Blue Girl 11-15-08 10:25 PM

:( (((hug)))

Delta40 11-16-08 07:04 AM

Is your weight really the issue here Silent? You know when you starve, that whatever food your body receives it will store it to fat so it is not the balanced way to lose weight. Each time my daughter self-harms, she finds peace and everybody else around her is thrown into chaos. it is like the tables are temporarily turned when she engages in this practice. Or a better way of putting it is - she externalises her inner chaos and for a short while feels like she is in control of her life. Is it possible that you are starving yourself for reasons other than weight loss?

I am sorry you're feeling this way

LostEmily 11-16-08 07:17 AM

I understand not wanting to eat because you think you need to lose body fat. I also know that the pain in your stomach is a sick comfort and you love it, because I loved it. I'm not sure when it happened, but I finally realized that the only safe way to lose BF is through exercise and diet (what you eat...not what you don't eat). I slowly started eating more, not taking in all of the saturated fats I used to eat a lot of, and I started going to the gym and running trails outside. I'm still amazed at how much better I feel since then. I think because of it my self-image has gotten a lot better. I'll tell you what my favorite dessert is: fresh fruit!! I hope that you find the peace with your body as I have through Yoga, exercise, and good food.

silent cry 11-16-08 08:02 AM

idk delta... probably.. control.. i know its something i can take control of.. and when i dont eat my ugly flabby belly goes down and then when i look in the mirror i feel better cus its not so fat when i starve. and i hate the thought of being over 9st so soon as i get near that point i know i have to starve for a while.
maybe too i know i can use it as a way to self harm.. i know it aint good for me.. but i dont care cus i deserve to hurt. im in control of it all.

emily i know exercise & food are the best ways to help.. but they also take hard work and time..starving is a quick fix.

ozzycat 11-16-08 10:14 AM

i know what its like to want to be in control, but u dont deserve thin silent, you dont deserve to hurt. no one does. ever.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) please be careful

ozzy <3

LostEmily 11-16-08 08:57 PM

To be honest with you...starving myself was a way to harm myself without leaving scars. But I soon found out that I could control the urge to harm myself through diet and exercise. It was a vicious cycle...the depression causes low self-esteem, low self-esteem led to poor body image, poor body image meant I would starve myself, which made me more depressed. But my body image wasn't the reason I was starving myself, and I had to realize that...and I'm no expert but I think that's the case with a lot of people...and to be honest with you...it's still hard to eat sometimes, but not because I think I'm fat, it's because I don't want to cut.

Delta40 11-18-08 06:35 AM

My daughter who is a cutter said thats the thing about self-harm. People just assume the practice is something akin to a bloody self-inflicted injury but its so many other things. Starvation is one of them.

I will never agree that you deserve to hurt Silent.

msking03 11-27-08 08:51 AM


Originally Posted by silent cry (Post 201936)
i dont need vitimins.. ile b ok..ive been ok for years.

i guess in a way im starving myself as a way to self harm.

so do you really think it is about your weight then?

Yes, you need vitamins- whether you eat or not- no one eats the recommended amount of everything for even a regular diet.

Yes, losing weight the HEALTHY way DOES work. AND you keep it off and learn a life-long way of living, not a short-term, self-harming, way of eating that just comes back full force.

It may take longer- but can make you happier, and healthier.

The dilemma sucks. If you're like me- the ED has nothing to do with weight which makes it even harder to deal with.

So, what are your triggers- what has happened recently that made you wish to salf-harm in such a way?

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