please help me, what is this disorder called? please read this, i really need help
Hi all, I'm 13, im a girl, but I have a lot of problems I don't know what they are, earlier, when I joined this website I posted a thread called "being called ugly...by everyone" fortunately I got a few replies from great people, if you want you can read or reply to that thread too, but its not just about looks, its also about personality, my family keeps judging me for it, I come from a really ignorant one, you see, they say always listen to a person when they're mad at you because they would be saying the truth, well I heard the truths million times but today was the time it hurt.. A lot.. Okay so here's how it happened: we were on the way to pick up my older sister (15) from after school activities and well I was mad because my dad always gets me the wrong earphones the cheap ones, and these were giving music louder from the other and it pissed me off, a lot so I ripped the earphone off and threw it on the floor of the car, then, when he got the correct ones and my mom asked me to give her back the oder ones and I told her I ripped one of the earphones off she started yelling and saying that they were expensive and started to insult my personality.. when my sister came, I told her what happened earlier in class when a bunch of kids were making fun of Muslims, and she just replied with a mean tone of voice "then why dont you stand up for yourself for once, for gods sake?!" I didn't expect this from , and even worse my mom agreed with her, I was yelling earlier at my parents because they're cheap and gave me a terrible childhood, my mom got back at me that way,she started saying I'm mentally ill, and that she will seek a phsycathrist for me or some mental people's doctor and my sister told her yes and she said I have something like choronical agression? Idk something like that and then they made fun of how I say hi to people I've never met before, they immitated me and said I sounded like a guy, then my mom said that my sister keeps destroying my self confidence (because she is always making fun of how I look like and what I sound like) she said I sounded like a guy, it was a horrible ride home, but really,I'm not in control of that, I can't believe no one was on my side, I felt so hated and everything I'm trying to do is to fit in, I just want to be like alltthe other kids, I just want to be normal, then my sister said "you're also kinda embarrassing" I cannot believe it, she actually said that, sometimes I wish I can just lock myself up in a room with the essentials of life, like food and water, with no human contact at all. Sigh. My mom just told my sister "WHY DONT YOU SAY HI LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?!" she keeps comparing specially me to other kids, I'm crying as I type this, also I really hate going to malls,I hate going out, I never do with my "friends". So my friend asks me if I wanna go to the mall and my mom looked pissed when I told her, because she was tired, and when they were insulting me she said SHE NEVER GOES OUT SHES SO AWKWARD, I REGRET THE DAY I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU, SHAME ON YOU, and things like that.. I felt so against, I felt "hate" I felt it strong, I didn't like it, not one bit, I feel so guilty and embarrassed I feel my self confidence being destroyed, she made fun of the way I walked and how my posture sucks..how in don't know how to talk to people... I've never been so sad in my life, and I sometimes think about suicide, because I have no life, and I feel worthless, I feel like life isn't worth living, life has no purpose.. I just want everyone to stop, my mom won't talk to me and everything I need is support, but I have to support myself.. Okay now I have to be patient.. But its not the first time I hit or throw or destroy things to feed my anger, when I used to fight with my parents or mom I used to throw things in the living room on the floor and mess everything up just to get back at her. A life like this.. I mean.. Where's the good part? Isn't there supposed to be that change that changes everything and I become happy for the rest of my life? My mom says I'm not social, but the bigger problem is that I DONT WANT TO BE, I DONT WANT TO SAY HI TO PEOPLE IVE NEVER MET AND WHO MEAN NOTHING TO ME, I DONT DESIRE CHANGE, I NEVER WANT TO CHANGE, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY TO CONVINCE ME. THATS THE PROBLEM. I'm also an introvert, I believe I'm strongly an introvert, I always have a sad look in my face.what's this mental illness called? Help me!! I don't like sitting with people, I don't like making friends, I dont know how to make friends.. For gods sake I've been called embarrassing how worse can it get? Im also an unofficial atheist because if god was there, he wouldve helped me, sent help? I feel really sad. What's this disorder called?
I am sorry to hear that. :hug:
Dont look down on yourself. Thing called "normal" doesnt exist. Its a lie.Everyone is normal in their own way, so is you. You have different point of view and you should cherish it. unique things makes us what we are, makes us identify ourselves.
Dont change, be yourself. But trust me if someones wants to be your friend, dont push him away, allow him to enter your life. Even introverts like friends. Trust me, being close to someone is a great gift. Dont change, keep yourself. Dont pay attention to others who try to hurt you with words. You dont deserve to be treated that way. You are valuable person.
Best wishes. :hug:
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