Intermittent explosive disorder..
I don't really know too much about this disorder, but after googling it and looking at what it entails I'm wondering if anyone has heard or has this?
I've always thought of myself as having a 'hot temper' but in the last 6 months it's for progressively worse, now when I do something wrong or analyse a situation I've 'failed' in I react so badly, it's like a flip switches and I go into a pretty intense rage, screaming at the top of my lungs whilst driving ( not great I know but I'm getting better at pulling over when it happens) and just my whole body shakes I feel like I'm out of my body and the whole world sort of has a glaze over it and I'm just sobbing and crying, can be very aggressive toofamily members and my boyfriend too which isn't good, feel so ashamed writing it actually but I'm feeling a bit low today so I'll let myself get a bit weepy haha.. Just not sure if it is just anger issue or an actuall disorder, I only really googled because it's got a bit out of hand...I kind of go into an angry spiral and telling myself I should die repeatedly, hit myself over the head to get the energy out, and recently started harming myself, only 4 or so times. Afterwards I'm exhausted, will sleep for hours and have an really intense headache.
Any help would be great, Thankyou
I believe I have something close to the same, although I'm not known to be someone with a temper. I bottle things up and repress my emotions to the point of an inevitable explosion. The worst it got for me personally was when I slammed somebody into the wall by their throat and tossed dishes everywhere while cussing at the top of my lungs before finishing it off by punching a hole in the door and emotionally breaking down. I had no control over any of it, so I definitely believe it's a disorder to an extent after having gone through severe traumatic episodes like that. I've cussed in front of people maybe only a few times in my life, and they have always been in moments of intense rage. In privacy when I feel the small bouts of rage I cuss under my breath all the time and sometimes shout in anger.
A lot of what you describe sounds like me and I believe I have it, so maybe you do too. I have minor instances like you describe where I lose control and just scream and curse and then have to go through this big cool down process and I also have the headache and feel drained/sleepy. I used to punch myself in the head several times at the peak of the rage like you to stop myself from breaking something. It felt like losing control.
"my whole body shakes I feel like I'm out of my body and the whole world sort of has a glaze over it and I'm just sobbing and crying, can be very aggressive toofamily members"
I relate to that a lot. I get intense anger and then break down emotionally afterwards and usually feel really embarassed for taking it out on people who don't deserve it.
I usually have something that is hurting me deep down inside that I repress until it happens. If you feel like you want to answer you can, but you don't have to, but do you think that there is something bothering you to cause it that you're holding down? Or is it just these instances happening all the time catching you by surprise with no big reason but something small making you feel intense rage? Both? For me it's both. Cursing and punching seems to be my specialty in the smaller events.
The best thing to do is probably consult a professional though... it can get quite dangerous if you really go off and wind up breaking something or hurting somebody. You want to stop it before it gets that bad. The way you're coping with it really negative. I used to do the same, but I realized I can feel it coming on and I think to myself that I need to find a distraction quick. Comedy or music works for me personally. You don't want to let it get to the point you're hurting yourself or others. I highly suggest you seek help as it's really interfering with your life and you need to get to the bottom of it.
I had this problem too. Though the underlying cause was severe emotional and sexual abuse. Do you have an unresolved issue too? Take care honey. *hugs*
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