I NEED HELP!!!my EX GF is working for an escort service
Ok I don't know if this is the proper place for this. This is my first time here. I have a serrious problem and don't know what to do. My ex gf and I broke up about 7 mnths ago she found a new bf ext. well we haven't talked for 5 months then one night she calls me out of the blue. To make a very long story short she lost her job, her bf and began to work for an escort service. She told me she didn't like doing what she was doing and then tonight told me that it is very hard to get out of it once you are in it. She explained that it made her feel good to give companionship to the lonely guys that didn't have anyone or were physicaly disabled or were into kinky stuff they were affraid to talk about so she said that made her feel good helping these people; however, the other half of these people she sees is for sex. So basicly she is prostituting. Now she has had alot of neglet from her childhood and was raped at 14 which she told her parents and her step father called her a whore. So basicly no one in her entire life has really cared or shown her real love except me. So I talked to her and told her she need help I told her I will go to every appointment with you and everything I said I would do whatever it takes to help you. The problem is is she is messed up she is getting bitchy and fighting with me on all these issues. We know she is deppresed she said she was unhappy with everything and nothing makes her happy and wants to be alone and all this. I told her we need to get you some help but she is just so mean to me and doesn't even appreciate what Iam trying to do for her. I love this girl with all my heart and I want her to get better but every time I try and talk about this stuff she eithe deffends what she is doing or says things like leave me alone don't bother me and like tonight she said why do you care so much about me? She tell me she doesn't want to talk to me and all sorts of stuff and just wont listen or see that Iam trying to help her. So tonight I tried to talk to her she got all mad because I found an ad for her sescort thing on the internet I queationed her about it and it turned into a big fight. Now this wa a girl that ayear ago we were going to get married and in less than a year she is doing this. Shes 19. I just don't now what to do anymore. I told her some anti depressents would prob help and seeing someone professionaly but getting her to make the appontment and all this is difficult. I must also add that I do still love this girl more than anything depite what she is doing and I would love to be back in a relationship with her at some time which i know at the present and her state of mind is impossibile but somewhere down the line perhaps if that happened how would all of this stuff with what she went through and what I went through affect a future relationship with her? Right now Im just worried about getting her help but knowing that I still love her I will admit I think about being with her again. For now, though I just need some advice as to what I should do? sometimes it seems like im pushing her and she pulls back away from me at the same time if I don't puch her to get help she is continuing doing what she is doing HELP PLEASE!!!!!
Re: I NEED HELP!!!my EX GF is working for an escort service
What first popped into my head when I read your post, was does she have a pimp? If she does, there is more danger here than you realize. She may be rejecting all your attempts to help out of fear, justifiable fear. If she doesn't, then you still have a huge mountain to climb, because she seems to want to hold onto it. Now here is the worse part, she is an adult at 19. She may be depressed, full of anxiety, doing destructive stuff, but until she is a certifiable danger to herself or others, you can't do anything.
You must be careful not to let yourself be pulled in to her world because you love her. In fact, sometimes the greatest way we express love to a person hell bent on destroying themselves or their lives, is to walk away. Tough love, I think it is called. Let her know you love her but you aren't going to participate in her life if she continues this lifestyle. She may well choose the lifestyle, because she is so screwed up. But, the most important point is this: You can't save her. She has to save herself.
I know that this is 10 years late, and I hope that the situation has improved for the two of you or that you have moved on. It sounds like your ex has Borderline Personality Disorder. People with BPD (pwBPD) have a low sense of worth on top of having mood dis-regulation and exhibit poor impulse control, manifested in excessive drinking, drug use, or promiscuous sex. about 55% of women in Sex work have BPD. They essentially have this internal existential void that they fill through following their impulses. Sex and attention from other men basically fills this void. Her push pull towards you comes from her fear of abandonment (so she pulls), but also a fear of engulfment (then she pushes you away). This mental illness affects mainly women but nevertheless it is a mental illness that many have taken advantage of. At the same time, they are full grown adults and in the end of the day they are responsible for their own actions. There isn't much you can do for someone who refuses to get the help that they need. The fact that you tried is admirable enough and I hope that you succeeded and she got the help in the end. But if she didn't, I hope you don't blame yourself to this day. PwBPD are very broken inside and even with proper therapy and medication there is a low chance that she will end up ok. They don't mean to hurt the people they love, they just don't know how else to exist. (I had my personal encounter with my ex-fiance, who has now returned to being an escort).
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