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-   -   Negative feelings attached to thoughts that shouldn't be negative (https://www.takethislife.com/other-mental-health/negative-feelings-attached-thoughts-shouldnt-negative-159842/)

euphoriafish 05-31-14 01:22 PM

Negative feelings attached to thoughts that shouldn't be negative
 
I'm hearing the phrase "mental patient" in my head a lot lately and don't know why. I used to have a habit of telling myself I must be crazy to [XYZ Behavior] but I've only been to the university psychologists twice during college for stress. I have a lot of stress now too as I'm trying to start a career and find a daily life schedule I can live with.

I've never seen anyone and don't think I am a "mental patient" but I am also in an open enrollment period for choosing a new health insurance company and I very much would like to be tested for attention deficit disorder. I was always a good student but since I left school I've had trouble managing my time and building my own system to live in now that I don't have the schools. My degree is creative, but I'm still building up confidence in my own writing and artwork and I haven't gotten paid for what I can currently do.

I don't see myself as a mental patient and yet I have this phrase in my head and this feeling of fear, not always for myself but for friends I know who are coping with various mental conditions. I imagine myself or my friends being judged and attacked, and I want to defend them. I want everyone to be Buddhist or Vulcan or something, to just meditate for a minute and say to themselves, "Mental patient... did I say that to myself? Those are definitely words. And there's this feeling here too. Am I OK with this feeling? Is there even a reason for it? I see that there's a feeling here and I don't like it. It'll pass in a minute since there's not a reason, but for now I'm just going to look at it and accept that I feel that way until I find a reason and some action to take, or a better feeling. I choose how I feel, or I ride out the feeling I didn't choose just like I have before and will again."

What is a "mental patient"? Someone who benefits from medicine to not be overwhelmed by daily life? Someone who doesn't have the right people in their lives to talk to and needs to pay for scheduled time with a stranger who researches problems similar to or including the ones they're having? Someone who just needs the right system or new coping mechanisms or a new perspective?

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a patient who receives mental healthcare. The only thing preventing me from getting tested for ADD is the fear that my insurance company will not cover the test. If any prospective employers Google me and read this, I hope my personal activity online is relevant to proving that I handle stress well and am skilled in the position for which I am applying. My search engine listings for my screen name are a record of my personality and attitude but should not be taken as a substitute for my work experience, writing samples, and record of completed projects and volunteer work.

destinyday 06-03-14 10:37 AM

Hi, euphoriafish, maybe you're just anxious about your career that it's getting to your head? Maybe you should take a breather for some time to clear your head?

euphoriafish 06-03-14 01:32 PM

I suppose. Thank you for the kind words.

Ultimately, I think it's not about any one factor causing dissatisfaction in my life but a pattern of how I approach certain situations. I'm good at acknowledging how I feel and changing my attitude to calm myself down on a daily basis, but I have some time management issues, prioritizing, and changing my mind quickly that I'd like to be better at. I'm totally at peace in the present moment but also know I need to be writing, but that conflicts with other things that bring new problems but which I really don't care about solving in the present moment. I don't care about society's bureaucratic systems, and YET they keep finding me and telling me there are consequences for not conforming to them. So far I haven't had any consequences I wasn't OK with, and I changed my attitude in response to some of them. But it never ends and I don't want to be afraid of bureaucratic offices that I don't have any intention of ever even visiting.
I don't care about this office or this paper and the person who sent it didn't care about me either so why do I have to drop the tasks I DO care about to be upset about a paper the sender didn't care about either other than to not lose their job and support a system that does not care about people? I think I've heard someone else say these words before.

destinyday 06-03-14 11:02 PM

Maybe you could try sorting out what you really want and what you have to do first. Do you really have to do what they're saying you should do or could you replace it with what you really want to do? If you can't, then you could find some time to do what you really want to do, so it gives you some satisfaction that you don't have to drop what you really want to do.

euphoriafish 06-04-14 02:50 PM

Sometimes I do what I want and other times I do what is expected of me for sure! There are probably just more changes happening right now and sometimes it feels easier or harder to make them.

destinyday 06-04-14 09:01 PM

Oh, I get that. This was my problem last year, too. I was the eldest child and I needed to do what is expected for me to do for the family but at the same time, doing what I want to do wouldn't do any good for the family. I took a long time trying to figure this out. In the end, I thought that I would just do what is expected of me but find time for what I want to do.
If the changes are making it harder for you, you could try thinking ahead. Thinking about what these changes might mean to you in the future may help you sort it out.

euphoriafish 06-10-14 04:47 PM

Thank you for the kind words. They certainly put things in perspective :)


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