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SensualGirl 05-06-14 12:47 PM

Negative Daydreams
 
I have negative daydreams all day long. They involve people treating me like a child, bossing my around, not listening to what I have to say, lecturing me, and bullying me.

I also have daydreams of people dominating my will and ruining my life by getting overly involved.

I try to curse them out but that just makes me look childish and I get shut down.

Dr. Phil says people do what works. If it wasn't serving a purpose, they wouldn't be doing it. He asks, what's the payoff?

I think the payoff of these negative daydreams is that every now and then, I get my point across and I'm understood. All I want is for people to understand me and accept me for who I am, an agnostic, bisexual, racially conservative, promiscuous woman.

I fear that this may never happen.

What can I do to get rid of these negative daydreams? I've tried everything, from distracting myself, to meditation, to positive self-talk.

Please help!!:frown:

SensualGirl 05-06-14 01:35 PM

Anyone?

cherrydust 05-06-14 02:24 PM

I have similar problems. When I was little I daydreamed about my dad hurting and abusing me in very humiliating ways. The more painful the better. Its very carthartic in a twisted way, but very dangerous.

Now I dream about getting into abusive relationships like having men take advantage of me like my ex, and being kept as a pet or prisoner by someone who wants to emotionally manipulate me and see all of me suffer. its exciting. i don't understand it completely but it brings a lot of shame out of me. I think part of the reason I do it because I knew if someone saw how horribly mistreated I was and have been, they would rush to my aid right away and see how broken I was.

I don't do it often now though its very tempting to. I still deal with it tbh. What helps me fight it off is realize how much it drains me. Its a compulsion, so you have to treat it like one. It took me months and months to get it down to a level where i don't indulge on it. Like very tempting fruit that I can't have. thats what really helped me. I thought it was impossible to stop.

Honestly the biggest problem is that on a level I enjoy it, its like a rush, or like candy, but I was ruining myself because of it.

I'm really glad you were so open about this, it felt isolating for me to deal with alone and shamed me a lot. I hope this helped you.

SensualGirl 05-06-14 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrydust (Post 1565946)
I have similar problems. When I was little I daydreamed about my dad hurting and abusing me in very humiliating ways. The more painful the better. Its very carthartic in a twisted way, but very dangerous.

What do you mean when you say it's very cathartic in a twisted way? How is it cathartic?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrydust (Post 1565946)
Now I dream about getting into abusive relationships like having men take advantage of me like my ex, and being kept as a pet or prisoner by someone who wants to emotionally manipulate me and see all of me suffer. its exciting. i don't understand it completely but it brings a lot of shame out of me. I think part of the reason I do it because I knew if someone saw how horribly mistreated I was and have been, they would rush to my aid right away and see how broken I was.

How is it exciting? Can you please elaborate when you say it brings a lot of shame out of you? Can you explain why you think you do it more clearly?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrydust (Post 1565946)
I don't do it often now though its very tempting to. I still deal with it tbh. What helps me fight it off is realize how much it drains me. Its a compulsion, so you have to treat it like one. It took me months and months to get it down to a level where i don't indulge on it. Like very tempting fruit that I can't have. thats what really helped me. I thought it was impossible to stop.

Yeah I feel like it's a compulsion that really, really, really hard to stop even though it's making me miserable.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherrydust (Post 1565946)
Honestly the biggest problem is that on a level I enjoy it, its like a rush, or like candy, but I was ruining myself because of it.

I'm really glad you were so open about this, it felt isolating for me to deal with alone and shamed me a lot. I hope this helped you.

No problem! Yes I'm so glad to know I'm not alone! Thanks so much for responding. I'm anxiously awaiting another response.

What do you mean by you enjoy it and it's like a rush?

cherrydust 05-13-14 01:14 PM

When I say its cathartic, I mean that it gives me relief. I'm fully aware that these thoughts make me ill enough to want to vomit and cough up air, but at the same time on an emotional level I get relief out of it so I keep doing it. sorry if thats confusing. I feel pain and pleasure at the same time.

I think I enjoy it because on some level, it give me a reason to feel justified in my thoughts. If someone manipulates me and I do everything I can to stop them but I can't in the end, then I feel justified for my need for affection. The important part in my fantasies is usually someone sees my mistreatment and then they feel extreme guilt and sympathy for not being able to do anything.

I think these thoughts come from my lack of affection growing up and are effecting me now to this day. babies who are born without nurturing are very different to ones who do have it.

Sorry for the late reply, its really depressing and hard to put into words.

somedayguy 05-13-14 01:29 PM

I just want to say how sorry I am for both of you. Would love to be able to help you relieve these thoughts on some level.

If there is anything that I can do to help, please let me know!

SensualGirl 05-13-14 06:13 PM

Thanks guys.

Now I get it. In your daydreams, someone feels sorry for you. I don't have that in my daydreams. In mine, it's just me against the world.

The only thing that helps is sex. When I feel one coming in, I distract myself with some sexual activity of some sort like mantras ("slut", "whore), or watching Sex and the City or something. I'm thinking of making sex the central focus of my life, but I'm concerned that that might be too limiting. I tried to distract myself with other things like Dr. Phil, but it's harder...

Thoughts?

SensualGirl 05-13-14 07:16 PM

I saw a picture of a hippie and I was inspired to stick to hedonism.

Thoughts?

somedayguy 05-13-14 09:23 PM

I am new here and do not know you SensualGirl....but... maybe finding work will help. I know work consumed me and it feels good to have a life outside of the job.

Just my two cents...

vegetablematter 06-28-14 02:58 AM

SG, do you ever combine sex with art? To create a sensuous dance, draw or paint a picture that has sexual images in it, or just writing a long rhyme or poem describing sexual feelings. Anything like that could be a good distraction of the kind you mention.

Even if you sat still and mentally choreographed a Vegas-type show with yourself as the featured dancer.

I guess I feel that creating art around sexuality expresses a positive feeling towards it.


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