How to make people understand you personality disorder?
 

Okay, I'm avoidant, paranoid, anorexic and borderline, and I have big trouble making people understand what that exactly means.

Whenever I get upset over something and it goes out of hand, they get really upset with me, even if what I say and do is not directed at them. They then say: "You're inconsiderate of us and you should control your anger. It's not that hard. Tell us before hand when you feel like you're getting angry."

I keep telling them that that's not how it works and that I AM considerate of them! I do millions of things at my own expense just to make them happier and more comfortable. They take me for granted but I accept that because I care for them and understand that they don't always understand me and how I feel. They are not always bad to me either, they are good friends overall and I care for them for a reason, but this really frustrates me beyond measure.
I CAN'T control when I'm angry and I don't see my outburst coming! One comment sets of the entire explosion. It's like they want me to read their mind or something and see inconsiderate and condescending remarks from their side coming so I can tell them: don't say that, that'll make me angry.

Every time an argument happens and I'm involved, people immediately turn to me and tell me: Ye, John/Jane can be a bit rude sometimes/ doesn't apologise first etc. but that's just how they are and they can't change that, you should consider them for once and make up with them.

Why not the other way around? Why is there never someone who turns to the other and says: gee, that thing you said? Ye well she can't really deal with (subtly) condescending remarks like that because of her low self-esteem/ she's really paranoid and thinks you hate her when you say that/ she's afraid you might actually abandon her if you make a joke like that/ she's borderline she can't really control her emotions. It's like they don't understand that I have issues that I can't get round. I've been trying to do something for almost 2 years now!

Long story short: how do I get into their thick skulls that I'm a person too and that I have issues that I can't do anything with no matter how hard I try?!

Thanks in advance :(

>> :mad:

Hello Nyxx.


This is the fourth time I'm writing this because my computer black out three time. So, forgive me if it is very short.
I'll just focus on two main points.

I suggest giving a brief definition of each terms but refrain from mentioning the term itself. Use examples from your past to help illustrate the point. Clear examples, don't turn too much.

First understand why they chose to take that particular action. Then, reason with them based on their understanding.

Oh. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

I didn't know anything about PDs until last year, and I'm only starting to understand my own condition. But I've already given up trying to explain it to anyone. For me it's pointless, futile, embarrassing, and only drives people away when I divulge or admit I'm mentally ill. It also places me in a vulnerable position when dealing with the kind of people who prey upon flaws, weaknesses, and the mentally ill. The less they know about how my mind works, the safer I'll be.

Besides, most people I've known (family included) had little or no interest in understanding what's wrong with me. Too complicated, too much time wasted for a nominal reward... ie; my friendship. Much easier to write me out of their lives than invest time and effort to learn about my disorder or god forbid try to help. Even my mother doesn't seem interested in educating herself about my condition. Probably because she feels it reflects poorly on her parenting skills. She'd rather blame all my problems on drinking, rather than why I self-medicate in the first place. Also she may be NPD, because she's incapable of wrongdoing or apologizing for anything.

Anyway, I've reached a point where I don't care to associate with anyone who isn't pretty well educated and experienced with mental disorders. The ignorance, judgment and invalidation are just too much to bear.

PS: Sorry Nyxx my previous comment was of no help. My only suggestion is you might offer people links to web articles about your particular health issues. You could maybe open a blog with lots of info and give them that link to make things easier. If they choose to read, great. Means they value your friendship and are willing to learn more about you, rather than ignore or invalidate. If not... well that's that I guess. You might find yourself forever pounding your head against the wall hoping to enlighten people who simply don't care about your personal issues or health and recovery.