coming down
 

im just finishing a manic week,

been drunk the whole time, blew damn near a month's pay on booze, lost my favourite bracelet walking across the city for no good reason i can remember, had an argument with my room-mate at 2am in my underwear, and i can almost wrap my fingers around my bicep because i cant recall the last meal i cooked.

so its been fun so far. ive lived through many dark years, but a i struggle and fight and fucking TOIL towards the light, i feel the mania more often. that frightens me a little, because im just less used to it. i dont know how to NOT drink myself stupid and fall asleep on the couch with the metal turned up to 11. i dont know how to not scream at my friends, or how to not slap myself for being ugly and stupid and weak and unproductive.

not really asking for help, but i wouldnt decline.

I can't believe nobody has written you and told you that you are not alone in feeling this way. I'm not on a manic cycle right now but I just came off of one last month and I felt so a lone and worthless that I wish somebody would've told me that they knew how I was feeling. My last one was pretty hard to get through. I turn to alcohol and drugs to keep my mind off of things, but I think it only makes things worse for me. I don't have much advice, but just know that there are other people that feel the same as you, and we're not worthless! Just unconfident. Things will get better, just have faith that this too shall pass.