Bipolar?
 

Hey guys, this is my second ever thread.
I am going to see a therapist, I do not know what to expect. I plan on going within two weeks (just have to find one in my area).
For the meantime I thought I would post on here to see if any of you guys share the same feelings/experience as me and see what you think.

I only seem to get either sad/angry or "unusually" happy.
If I am sad I am terrible in social situations, meeting people and usually feel like everything is an effort (say for example even standing up). Feel hopeless, guilty and in despair. I start to hate everyone and can get very angry for the slightest reason. I just withdraw from the world. I just want to be alone, I feel worthless and blame myself for everything and can't achieve anything or do anything right. I have no idea why, which led me to research (and here I am). I have been like this as long as I can remember, with no general reason why. My family do fight a lot, I also don't like talking to them about this topic or anything in general (slowly drifting apart). Also at worse times, I think suicidal, or self harm. I don't have good thoughts when I am sad. I am like a loner or a outcast.

If I am Happy!
I always remember being sad, but I also remember being happy, strangely happy. At first I didn't think much of it, But I started to get feedback from everyone. I would talk a mile a minute, Nobody could understand me and I often had to repeat myself several times and get asked to slow down. Also 4 to 5 hours sleep max with interruptions in happy stage, latest being able to wake up at 4:30am-5am. I don't eat much, Not scared of gaining weight just didn't feel hungry (I ate something today though:smile:). I feel extremely motivated and sometimes even work through my hour long lunch. I think to myself a lot, often have racing thoughts and laugh at inappropriate times/at everything. I can get extremely creative, and usually stay up at night thinking of every possible situation that could happen tomorrow and plan my day out based on what I am thinking (I even start to come up with responses to what people could say to me) Basically you can't shut me up, the exact opposite of what I do when I am sad. I also think far fetched and often make up completely unbelievable/ridiculous stories on the spot, or I would over exaggerate everything. I also talk to myself out loud and sometimes even manage to keep the conversation between myself going. I would sell it if I could and become rich.

Sometimes I hear my name get called out or hear other things that are not there. Sometimes I can not stop my thoughts. I usually put both my hands on my ears and keep thinking "STOP" but after 4 or so seconds it comes back. I also try to think of a catchy song I know to stop these thoughts but it usually doesn't work. Often when this happens the world seem to turn around me (hard to explain, imagine being stationary in the middle of a turning circle)

I haven't been in my happy stage for at least 2-3 weeks now. I have been trying desperately to get back into it (wont list methods, I also know it is probably not the right thing to do, but it is WAY better then being sad and miserable) Hopefully I get better soon.
Sorry If this is a long post or if it sounds like I'm complaining.
Thanks for reading. :smile:

Also forgot to add, I takes ages in making decisions and worry about everything.
Sometimes I see things in the corner of my eye and have to double check to see that it is just my imagination.
Sorry for double posting
Thanks for reading.

Hey hey,

I'm sorry that you're feeling crappy- I hope that changes soon :=] As far as being bi-polar goes, it sounds like you meet the diagnostic criteria.

That said, diagnostic criteria ain't all they're cracked up to be :=] You're a unique and beautiful human being. It's not really meaningful to average out people like that.

My big brother was diagnosed as bi-polar, hmmm, maybe two decades ago. Doesn't time fly? :=] Still, it didn't help me much- I actually had to engage with him as a real person to gain some understanding of where he was at.

I hope that makes some sort of sense :=]

Thanks for reply.
I agree with you, time is going so fast now, especially now that I am out of school. It almost like I have nothing to look forward to.
I once skipped like, a year of school. Just because I didn't want to be there/had no friends.
Thanks for reading.

Lately I have been feeling pretty buzzed. I am starting to think if there is something wrong with me or if I am just complaining.

I feel "normal" but in other people eyes I am crazy. At work today I was told I have mental problems and that there is something wrong with me, didn't think much of it until I began to write this. (I am pretty hyper, always talking to myself/others, always laughing, easily angered, care free etc.)

I don't want to shrug off the bad feeling I have been having (thinking I was just complaining) and then in a couple weeks feel like absolute shit again. Anyone else feel like this?

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it guys, this is a nice community and I am glad I found it.

Wow...that's exactly how I am, except when I get real manic, I tend to not eat at all, let alone lunch. The exception being, that I get really REALLY angry at times, often for no reason. I either take it out on others without meaning to, saying hurtful/spiteful things or I end up pwning my sensei in class, duke it out with my older brother in the backyard with boxing gloves, or I punch at any object within my vicinity, usually destroying apart of the wall in our garage.

I've tried to change my mood whenever I was really angry or sad and I just couldn't do it. Usually I just let 'nature' take its course and wait for the happy to set in on its own. That isn't really good advice, but its all I've got. :/
I hope you feel better soon man. :wave: