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Snowcake 11-21-13 09:20 AM

"fixing" the sexual side of my relationship
Sex is just awkward for me, really.
I have no confidence at all so I always think that I look like an idiot when I'm trying to initiate anything. The husband doesn't really initiate very often either.
I know depression lowers your appetite for it, so my first question is how can I increase it? Obviously I want to make my husband happy.
Secondly, I can't take oral contraceptives because I always forget to take them and I hate ingesting synthetic hormones. I know they're only meant to help, but they always do funny things to me. Condoms aren't an option either, as husband doesn't get the same feeling. We've tried a brand called Skyn, but they just lower the feeling too much.
I don't recall it always being such a problem, but I can definitely tell he's not feeling it in the same way he used to.
I don't really know what to do about this, so I was wondering if anyone had any experience, similar situations, advise etc?

Eyeland 11-21-13 10:20 AM

Explore sexuality. Sometimes something that you always considered too kinky or even silly can be totally great when you try it. In my case i never wanted to try a particular vice...until i did..and it changed a lot. Not saying that kinky fetishes etc will definitely help everyone, but trying is infinitely better than not doing anything at all, things deteriorate further as time passes this way. I wish you and hubby the best :)

LetItBe987 11-21-13 12:43 PM

This sounds counterintuitive, but I've found that one of the best ways to increase your sex drive is to have more sex. Yes, you have to make extra effort at first, and it may seem a bit forced, but after a few times, you're in that frame of mind more often. When you have recent reminders of how enjoyable it is, you subconsciously think, "That was hot, I totally want to do that again." I'm not sure if this is common, or if it's just me, but I'd recommend giving this approach a try.

I got turned off of initiating for awhile, because my bf was on medication that drastically lowered his sex drive. Every time I tried to initiate, I got shot down, so I stopped trying for awhile. But he wasn't initiating either, for obvious reasons, so then I thought, "Well, one of us has to!" One thing that sort of helped was that early on in the day/evening, I'd kiss him and directly tell him, "I want to have sex with you later." Then we'd go out with our friends, or watch a movie, or whatever, and then try afterwards. He knew what to expect, so he didn't feel as put on the spot, or like I was springing anything on him. It still didn't always work out (I'd still get "I'm too tired" or "I'm just not in the mood right now" sometimes), but it did have a higher success rate.

Good luck to you! Hope some of this helps. :thumbsup:

Snowcake 11-21-13 01:11 PM

Exploring sexuality and "just do it!", got it.
I love him to bits and I really want to make him happy, so I'm going to have to try something to make it work. Plus, there's my needs too.
Thanks for your advice, I'll try working on those two things and see what happens.

Let me know if there's anything else at all I can try, particularly with the condom problem. That bit is starting to get me down. I'm starting to wonder if it's me that's the problem, if he's just not enjoying it any more, or if he's just not turned on by me.

TooNumbToFeel 11-22-13 05:47 AM

There's a couple of things you can try, they make lubes with spermicide in them and you can also go to the doctor and get the rod (not too sure of the process, never been with anyone who's had it). There are plenty of ways to keep things fresh, when I was with a girl I used to read stuff written by two people called Dan & Jenn, worth googling when you have a spare half hour or so. Best of luck :)

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