thinking about going off bp meds this year as a trial...
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thinking about going off bp meds this year as a trial...

This is a discussion on thinking about going off bp meds this year as a trial... within the Prescription Medication forums, part of the Treatment category; I know I may get yelled at by some for this... but I kind of want to go off my ...

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Old 01-08-08, 03:36 PM   #1
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Default thinking about going off bp meds this year as a trial...

I know I may get yelled at by some for this...
but I kind of want to go off my meds...
Okay, I won't do it now... life is too stressful and up in the air with the divorce... I've been talking of moving but don't know if I can...
so I won't now.. everyone is telling me not to go off them now...
(everyone except my therapist, who thinks I might be okay.. and this is what I've wanted to do, Idk... should she be so clear as to her feelings on this? idk... but I'm not being pushed.. these are my thoughts...)

Seriously, I'm just not sure how well they work... I wasn't on bp meds (lamictal + topamax) for 29 years of my life... + now the last year, all of a sudden I need them?
Idk why... I question whether it is really the brain chemistry that is the issue or therapy - feelings...
have I been hypomanic? yes... but I feel like that's a normal state for me... very high energy, cheerful... when I'm like that - that's how I was my last years of high school + what I consider "normal" for me... now I see that sometimes I'm in the middle + stable... + other symptoms where this goes bad or to an extreme when it's problematic (rage attacks, sometimes anxiety attacks - tho those are more able to be controlled...)
the problem has always been the recurring depression... very bad in the fall/early winter, and sometimes in the summer as well...
so I've been on antidepressants twice before I was diagnosed bp (which may have made me worse - I wasn't this extreme before I ever took one.. and noticed an immediate change...)

but going thru therapy, I see that I still get depressed and hypomanic even on the mood stabilizers... it may or may not be as bad, idk... how can I know? I have nothing to compare it to...
With flashbacks + memories + stuff I go thru a cycle I've noticed...
the moods feel just as strong... the difference is they don't last more than a few days when they happen bc of memories + therapy...
It's like I'll get anxious, more + more for a couple days until i finally feel or get whatever it is out... and then with teh feelings - to me, extreme anger + sadness, comes depression symptoms for a two days maybe, and then another couple days of hypomania... overcompensate...
it's not concious really... but I've found that I can control it/stop it in its tracks by talking, feelings + writing... i can stop it at anxiety, and maybe some sadness... so it seems that I can control it when it's like this more than my meds can... bc I'm not sure that they actually work in these cases - which are clearly triggered by memories + not chemicals in my brain (tho they may cause those chemical imbalances temporarily...)
and maybe the meds help me recover from these faster..
but I have no way of knowing...
of course, if I can i'd rather learn how to deal with this stuff + learn not to rely on meds... but the meds mask the problems somewhat...
I know it's not easy... it's so hard as it is...

but this is why I've wanted to go off them... to see what effect they have on me... and also to see if I really need them or if I can learn, with the help of my therapist to function without them, as I did for 29 years...
except in this case, i'd be better/stronger... bc of the therapy...
and ok, I may never be off them completely...
but just this last year, there was a program in Austrailia where the patients were able to reduce their med dosage, *and* cut their cycling in half, both... through behavioral and cognitive training... which is what I'm trying to do (altho w/ a therapist - that progam is still new and over there)
but if I can even just move to a very low dose + just learn to recognize when i need it more, I can increase the dosage... that's what they did there...
I just won't know unless I try...

but people tell me not now... okay, not now... after my husb is gone...
I'm usually hypomanic in the spring anyway...
Idk...
Just thinking...
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Old 01-08-08, 03:44 PM   #2
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its your choice i guess.. we cant force u... but just be careful... go off them slowly and talk to your docs about it.. and if u come off them and feel worse then i suggest u re-start them again



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Old 01-08-08, 04:01 PM   #3
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Straw.. I guess you know how I feel about this.. ;)
((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

But that being said.. I think you do some good reflection here. I'm glad that you are thinking of working with this with your therapist, and not on your own.. I think lowering the dosage is a better option than not taking anything. Remember to consult your doc, though.. I quit too sudden on my meds once, and I got a really bad depression.. (But that was anti-depressions, so Idk how it will work for you).

And yes, not now... After he is gone.. I think that is a wise decision, Straw.. You really need your meds now. I don't want you to go into a really bad depression.. ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
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Old 01-12-08, 01:21 PM   #4
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Straw,
You do really show very good insight into your dilemma, and of course the decision to cut or go off your meds is entirely your decision,..but,..I agree with not going off them now,..Now is not the time to start messing around with your medications,.....too much stress in your life at this time.
Of course,..I will always support whatever you choose to do,..and I love you,.and you can always turn to your friends here, for needed guidance, or just to talk out your feelings,...we are here for you.

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