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This is a discussion on Please help within the Physical Health forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Hello everyone :0) I am posting on here in desperation because I cannot say out loud what I am going ...

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Old 01-05-12, 10:11 AM   #1
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Question Please help

Hello everyone :0)

I am posting on here in desperation because I cannot say out loud what I am going to write down!!! :0(

I was diagnosed with depression 3 months ago and put on medication which I stopped taking as my partner didn't agree and asked me to stop!!

Anyway since then I have been ok (or thought so)!

My partner has been getting headaches and acting odd and going to hospital behind my back but won't tell me why and what is wrong! Anyway this has gone on for some time and I have in my head built it up to something really bad (I.e terminal)!

I was driving home from work 2 nights ago and it must have been on my mind and all of a sudden a voice appeared and said 'I hope he dies!!!' :0( I immediately panicked as I really of course don't - I adore him and if anything happened I would not be able to live without him!

Since then I am hearing chants saying die, die, die in my head and that I want all my family dead, I want my partner dead, if Gavin has cancer its my fault and I have caused it and telling myself he is going to die a painful death - I am basically thinking HORRIBLE HORRIBLE things that aren't me!!! I wouldn't hurt a fly! I even sat and thought if I have a child I think it should die as I don't deserve to be happy and other awful things! What is this voice? Why am I so horrible??? I am thinking of leaving my partner through it as its making me feel I am betraying him by thinking this stuff but I don't want him poorly - I love him so so much :0(

Please help me!
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Old 01-05-12, 06:27 PM   #2
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I have bad thoughts too, they really upset me sometimes but i try to ignore them

i think you should have a talk to your doctor about these thoughts and the stopping of your medication, you should never suddenly stop taking any kind of medication, you should always slowly wean your self off them with guidance from your gp

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Old 01-06-12, 12:50 PM   #3
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Thank you everyone so much for your reply! I went to my GP last night and told him most of the things I told you (not in as much detail) and he is referring me to mental health to talk over what's causing these voices and also I am back on my medication which I hope will help with my partners support :0)

I have been hearing voices today telling me I want people dead but I am telling them now I don't and to shut up!!! It's my head and I want control back! When I read this I feel so ashamed as I feel I am mad and most people will think I am mad but I cannot control my own head - how odd does that sound?? :o( xxxx
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Old 01-11-12, 07:10 PM   #4
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its good to hear you are seeking and recieving help :) hope it goes well

your not mad, i dont think anybody can control their thoughts, i know i cant, CBT is a really good way to changing your thought and behavioural patterns
i tend not to read back through my posts especially those that involve me saying negative things about my partner, i love him dearly

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