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This is a discussion on Nothing within the Physical Health forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; The entire time I have lived here in Atlanta has been horrible. This is the worst period of my life ...

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Old 04-16-13, 03:14 AM   #1
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The entire time I have lived here in Atlanta has been horrible. This is the worst period of my life and I feel like I am going to die from the stress. I still don't have support so I had no choice but to choose Home Dialysis as an option to deal with this Kidney disease. I am about to go into surgery in a couple of hours from now and I still I have no one to come with me. In fact, the hospital is keeping me overnight because I have no one and says they can't keep me longer, but they also can't release me to myself. How sad that with all the friends and family I supposedly have and everyone knowing my situation, that there is never anyone to visit or help me. That has to mean something. Clearly I must be an asshole or something to have no one to care about me or support me during this. It is obvious to me I have not been the person I claimed to be if no one is willing to help me. The only support I have are from people who are basically strangers but I can tell I bother or burden them when I ask for help. So here I go again, alone to another invasive procedure. No one to talk to on the phone, no one to come help me make decisions, no one to cheer me up when I feel this way, which is exactly what I have been saying; I have no one! How tragic for people to die alone but that is going to be my fate. Of course, my family will claim my body, but that is all I can expect. You know I just realized I deserve all this. I was naive to think anything I did mattered. When I tried to commit suicide as a teenager I knew then I was a nobody which is why I tried so hard to leave this world. Now it is nearly 30 years later and all that bullshit people told me about it getting better and that it would be worth it to keep going was a lie. I am so utterly and completely miserable, broken, and have lost all hope that I will ever ever get any better. I see people all the time with friends or family in the hospital or dialysis and I can see how having someone around can help. Then I look at me and realize how pathetic and sad and fucked up a person must have been to have no one......
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Old 04-26-13, 02:44 AM   #2
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You don't have to be messed up to have no one. Sometimes everyone in our life is just too busy to spare time for us, even if they might wish they could. Sometimes we have to ask them and tell them it is important that they be by our side in this time in our lives for them to understand our need. I suspect in my life that some of the reason I have not got closer relationships with my 'important people' is because I have not spelled it out for them to understand. Assuming they do understand when they don't read minds is probably a mistake of mine. Do you think yours might be a bit similar? From my observation there are a lot of good people in life who don't really have other people to depend on. It doesn't mean you are the problem. My experience is that having somebody who is really willing to stand by you, to help you when you need help, to be your strength when you are weak is not as common as we imagine.

I assume you've had your procedure by now. I hope you are recovering well and it went smoothly. I hope you did find family or friends who were more understanding.
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