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High blood pressure...joy

This is a discussion on High blood pressure...joy within the Physical Health forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Originally Posted by Crystal Orb I'm not trying to live up to a label or anything. I just prefer my ...

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Old 12-21-14, 09:14 PM   #11
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I'm not trying to live up to a label or anything. I just prefer my own company, not everyone else's. I don't do social or outgoing. If people want to be that, that's fine by me so long as they keep me out of it.
I admire your sense of independence. I don't do social or outgoing either.

I have my own place, an income where I don't have to work, and don't need to rely on anyone for anything. I cut ties with all the people who masqueraded as "friends", and those people gave real meaning to the phrase "with friends like that who needs enemies". Trust is no longer something I have in abundance, and usually regret extending it when I do.

I haven't been to anyones house since April of 2013, or had anyone visit me since then either. Before I moved into the apartment complex I live in now, and had my own home, I went a long as 2 weeks without any human contact or speaking a word. So long I finally said something just to see if my voice still worked. It did.

The phone never rings unless it's my sister. She has her life and I have mine, and until recently, just before my mother died last month, we rarely had any contact. I look for that to taper off as time goes by and we'll drift apart again. If I had to leave my apartment for the day, and couldn't go to her house, I'd have to find a place in public to sit or spend the day in my car.

I've been married and divorced more than once and was the one to file for divorce each time, which doesn't make things any easier. I've decided part of the fault must lie with me, somewhere, even though I was faithful and treated them with love and respect. That maybe I'm just no good at relationships and better off alone.

It's been almost 8 years since I divorced my last wife and haven't had any physical contact with a woman (or man) since. I got tested for STD's after my divorce, came up clean, and plan on staying that way. I don't know anyone I'd even want to go out with, my last marriage left me emotionally drained, and at this point have been alone so long don't know if there is room for anyone else in my life.

It's a great life, if you can handle the monotony. I get up and go to bed when I want, do what I want, if I want, and don't have to answer to anyone. I rarely leave my apartment except to go to the store, spend 99% of my time home alone, and the only thing that sets one day apart from another is what's on TV, or payday. There are other people who live in the building, and I see them in passing, but keep to myself

I'm probably quite a bit older than you are though, and in all reality will probably live out the rest of my life alone, and die alone. Nothing is going to change for me. I'm too far down this path to turn back now, and wouldn't know how to if I could, but if I had the chance to do things over I would do a lot of things differently.

If you want to continue on this path, it's what you may, or may not, have in store for you. Again, you have my utmost respect, and if it's a life that appeals to you, my best wishes.

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Old 12-21-14, 10:02 PM   #12
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Why do you say you would do alot of things differently if given the chance?
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Old 12-21-14, 10:28 PM   #13
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What would people be able to teach me exactly?
I'm not trying to live up to a label or anything. I just prefer my own company, not everyone else's. I don't do social or outgoing. If people want to be that, that's fine by me so long as they keep me out of it.
Find a balance. No one is an island. We all need some form of human contact. Not saying we should all be buddy buddy but also, we should not be on the other extreme. One small trick is to be able to speak with people with that mask. Yes, it sounds phony and I also think it sucks but it helps. Best part is at the end of the day, you head out the door and no more contact with them.

A saying we had when I was a guard, `Be friendly but not friends.` Essentially, be civil and professional even if the person is a jerk. At least he or she has no ammunition against you and you don`t have to be kissy to them.
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Old 12-21-14, 10:35 PM   #14
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I made my bed and am comfortable sleeping in it, but would like things to have turned out differently.

Some part of it was beyond my control, but things are the way they are now in large due to the life choices I made and the consequences thereof.
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Old 12-22-14, 07:24 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Crystal Orb View Post
What would people be able to teach me exactly?
I'm not trying to live up to a label or anything. I just prefer my own company, not everyone else's. I don't do social or outgoing. If people want to be that, that's fine by me so long as they keep me out of it.
They could teach you how to be happy in a less than ideal situation, how to cope in ways other than the dream of isolation, what they know so maybe they're not as stupid as you thought, anything if you give them a chance.

You prefer your own company, and you don't do social but how often to you get to be by yourself and how often do you have to be social? They *don't* keep you out of it. They refuse to. What are you going to do about that?
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Old 12-22-14, 07:25 AM   #16
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One small trick is to be able to speak with people with that mask. Yes, it sounds phony and I also think it sucks but it helps.
I love wearing a mask personally. It makes me feel safe as a promiscuous woman. Then I can enjoy people without fearing being found out, attacked, questioned, and compelled to change who I am.
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Old 12-22-14, 08:07 AM   #17
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They could teach you how to be happy in a less than ideal situation, how to cope in ways other than the dream of isolation, what they know so maybe they're not as stupid as you thought, anything if you give them a chance.

You prefer your own company, and you don't do social but how often to you get to be by yourself and how often do you have to be social? They *don't* keep you out of it. They refuse to. What are you going to do about that?
Which would be what? As far as I know and been told, the way to be happy is to be social. In more than one occasion I've been directly told that I need to "get a life" to go out to be social which revolves around drinking and parties, 2 things I don't do and and can't stand.


And if it isn't the drinks and the parties, its the relationships or sex. I've had men tell me on numerous occasions whether directly or indirectly to try to "score" with a woman which by the way is tied down to rape because 98% of the men so far tell me to get the woman wasted and then have my way with her... I'm sorry but that's disgusting. Its bad enough that I have to be around people but worse is that (and I've confirmed this) at every moment that they see a mere hint of "friendliness" or what they think is such and actually isn't, they're all over me "congratulating" me as if I had acomplished some great feat.

And if that didn't make things bad enough, I've also had the women "concerning" themselves with why I don't have a relationship, which results in me having to hear the same speech I get from my parents, especially my mother. If I wanted to hear my mothers words come from another woman's mouth I'd ask for it. Apart from that, I have to hear the illogical reasoning behind it. I've studied psychology, sociology and anthropology, there's not a chance in hell anyone is going to sell me on the idea that relationships are "normal" and a "must" for every single human on this planet. Unless they're packing some serious research material and expertise AND confirmed proof that relationships are indeed a necessities, I'm not buying it. Relationships are something people want, not something they need.

So without the parties, the drinks, the sex, the relationships, the having to be social or believing some deluded socially induced ideal, which i attempted for some time with each one and found that my initial theories were correct, I'm curious as to what the people have to offer me exactly.
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Old 12-22-14, 12:56 PM   #18
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Wow. You're obviously thought this through and clearly know what you're talking about. I was just wondering if 180 million people (or however many live in your country) can all be ignorant.

I guess one thing is to put things in perspective, even though it's really, really hard to do that when you're angry and resentful. It could be worse. Since they're congratulating you for being social, they must like you? If they're inviting you to their parties and stuff, they must enjoy your company? If you were living in Saudi Arabia somewhere (not to get political and no offense to any Arabs, admittedly I don't know that much about that country) you would have been stoned to death by now and you would be hated.

Not to insult your intelligence (which you clearly have a lot of) but have you done the simple thing of just saying "that's personal" or "that's none of your business" or "why are you asking a complete stranger about that" or "that's not something I talk about at work?"
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Old 12-22-14, 03:25 PM   #19
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You know i love this thread...
I am one of those extrovert depressives that ask random people reeeeeely intimate questions when i'm out...it's my way of connecting.
but i love the look on people's faces when i ask them why they are not married or or why they don't have a GF?BF and they say..." I,,,, I don't know" " maybe I just don't have one of those faces" and I pinch their cheeks and say, " but you just look like you just got out of azkabahn, cheer up, it could be a hell of a lot worse>>"
and they look at me is if I am crazy...

well i don't mind,at least i buy the drinks, i'm not mean and i try
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Old 12-22-14, 06:42 PM   #20
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Wow. You're obviously thought this through and clearly know what you're talking about. I was just wondering if 180 million people (or however many live in your country) can all be ignorant.

I guess one thing is to put things in perspective, even though it's really, really hard to do that when you're angry and resentful. It could be worse. Since they're congratulating you for being social, they must like you? If they're inviting you to their parties and stuff, they must enjoy your company? If you were living in Saudi Arabia somewhere (not to get political and no offense to any Arabs, admittedly I don't know that much about that country) you would have been stoned to death by now and you would be hated.

Not to insult your intelligence (which you clearly have a lot of) but have you done the simple thing of just saying "that's personal" or "that's none of your business" or "why are you asking a complete stranger about that" or "that's not something I talk about at work?"
There are ignorant people worldwide when it comes to subjects such as these.Even experts have a hard time accepting things of this nature when it clashes with its socially accepted counterpart.

I think that in any culture that prides men for their mating prowess (and shames them for their lack of it) I would be hated for my way of thinking/being.

I have of course had to adopt a certain persona to get by at work and such so I've had to be social to some degree (sometimes I think that I'm being too social). Likewise I've faked interest in things like sex for the same reason. Publicly stating that I'm not into it (and I took a risk doing this once but not too much damage was done) is cause for great shame just because. And it doesn't matter whether its with men or women (though admittedly, with men its easier to fool them. Just say "look at that pair of...." and they're hooked) the end result and thought pattern is the same.

Most people don't really look into these things and merely regurgitate what they've been told (and telling me that its so just because sets me off). Like I said, I've looked into many aspects of these things. I've looked at the logic and reasoning, compared that to social ideas and standards and at the same time weighted it with culture and such, I've seen a lot of holes in the logic behind these things.
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