hello, ive never really used a forum but i dont know what to do. I am 17 years old, and i live in the pacific northwest. I have always had health problems growing up such as chronic sinusitis and the onsets of fibromyalgia, I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar semi-recently. within the past month or so, i have been experiencing some different symptoms and when i talked to my doctor about it, i was diagnosed with hypoglycemia and hypertension. i was technically diagnosed with OCD, but i dont think it should be considered a disorder. All of these combined have got me thinking that im going to follow the same path as my mom, who has to take 15 or more pills a day religiously to stay alive and healthy. she has more chronic illnesses than you can count with your fingers using both hands. she also beat pancreatic cancer at the age of 35, but she still has multiple tumours she must get MRI'd every few months to make sure they dont grow. I dont see a point in living if all im living for is to form my daily living around my bodys needs, instead of my body forming around what i love in life. chronic back pain prevents me from doing what i love, instead of hanging out with friends and biking i have to lay on a tennis ball 7-8 hours out of my day, just to find all the knots exactly the same size the next day. i dropped out of school because i had atleast 3-4 panic attacks a week because of anxiety, and my mom treats me like im a burden on her even though some days im to uncomfortable to get out of bed. i feel like im just a lump of warm meat feeding off of everything and everyone around me, and im not able to give as much as they need to be happy. i have a way that i think would work, i just want to know for sure if it would and how painful it might be.
i feel like i would be lucky to live past 40, and being 17 almost halfway through my life only to have the shitty side to look forward to doesent seem worth it to me.