crohns disease
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crohns disease

This is a discussion on crohns disease within the Physical Health forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; So i was diagnosed with crohns in 2008 when i was in 8th grade and it fucked me up big ...

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Old 12-29-14, 11:20 PM   #1
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So i was diagnosed with crohns in 2008 when i was in 8th grade and it fucked me up big time in the head not to mention the stomach cramps fatigue and unpleasant dr visits. I was so sad all the time after i found out and thought my life was ruined. Somehow around my freshman year i was able to get over it and return to my "normal" life.
Now im 21 and the depression has returned 10 worse than before and everyday i feel like a piece of shit. I never hated anyone as much as i hate myself. i get real upset and ill bang my head against the wall or punch myself in the head leading to black eyes and swollen temples. On one of my more recent lonely drunken nights i decided to carve "piece of shit" into my thigh. I look back at old pictures of me and just wish i could be as happy as i was then. Idk why i cant cheer up, its as if this feeling of self hate and sadness is so familiar im addicted to it.
Never thought i would be able to type this up but i guess i need to let it out somehow.. I know this isnt really who i am, i know i want to live a fullfilling life but its as if my mind is destroying itself just like this autoimmune disease is destroying my body.
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Old 12-29-14, 11:29 PM   #2
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dear chronicpain: That really sucks. A friend of mine's son was diagnosed with it when he was 10, and it really dragged him down.

Living with a chronic illness is tough. I have myalgic encephalomyelitis/fibromyalgia. It seems so many daily decisions that others take for granted, I have to carefully weigh and assess.

It sounds like crohn's is doing that to you too - like your chronic pain has taken over your life.

Who is in your corner? Who do you know, either friend or family or community support agency, that you can talk to so you don't have to tackle this alone?

I'm so glad you did get it out of you and vent here. That can be helpful too - chronic illnesses can be so damned isolating! And add depression to that - we can end feeling alone and hopeless. It's a double- whammy!

Please know that you deserve all the support, treatment, and relief from your symptoms that you can find. Sometimes, we have to be our own advocates - but it helps to have a few caring people in our corner to help us keep going.

Please take very good care of yourself.
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Old 12-29-14, 11:36 PM   #3
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Honestly i dont talk to anybody about these things. Back when i first was diagnosed i would talk to my old gf about these things but i have been bottling them up forever. My mother has fibromyalgia also and its put her out of her job of 10+ years
Thank you for your support even though ill never meet you in real life it makes my day a little less shitty to know you took time out of your day to help someone else.
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Old 12-31-14, 12:45 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by chronicpain View Post
Honestly i dont talk to anybody about these things. Back when i first was diagnosed i would talk to my old gf about these things but i have been bottling them up forever. My mother has fibromyalgia also and its put her out of her job of 10+ years
Thank you for your support even though ill never meet you in real life it makes my day a little less shitty to know you took time out of your day to help someone else.
Dear chronicpain: It is an honour and privilege to give a little bit of genuine care and support to another person on this forum. It has helped me too, not focus on my own pain as much; instead it gave me a positive connection.

I watched a TEDtalk today, Andrew Solomon talked about his depression. I will quote one line that fits here: "Our needs are our greatest assets. We learn to give the things we most need."

I too enjoy getting support, even from a faceless person on an internet forum, because I can feel their honesty and their meaning. I need that support, and it helps me to also give it.

You too - you deserve support.

And in your own pain and struggle, you took the time to acknowledge a connection you had with a person in an internet forum. To me, that speaks to your resilience, that speaks to your courage and strength, that speaks to the part of you that is finding one more thing to stay alive for, even if it is one day at a time.

Truly amazing and inspirational. Thank you for that.

Please keep us posted on your journey, friend with chronic pain. I hope you find another positive connection to life today!
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Old 12-31-14, 04:44 PM   #5
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Thats good, "we learn to give the things that we need the most" that really hits me.
You are very right, it almost brings me to tears reading what you have to say. I cant thank you enough. I wish you a happy new years friend!
I have a colonoscopy on friday so we will see how that goes.
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Old 12-31-14, 11:42 PM   #6
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Okay, my friend. I hope it brings some hope for possible help. Let us know how it goes - I'll be watching for an update from you if you are in an okay place enough to share after your appointment. Rest as easy as you can until then.
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Old 01-04-15, 07:52 PM   #7
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Well i discovered that there is still inflamation and internal adhesions near the illeum (beggining of the colon i belive.) my dr believes that my current medication, remicade, is losing its affect and im most likely going to be switching to humira. Hopefully this allows my stomach a chance to heal up. I dont really know how to feel about this. I do know that there's a high chance of crohns patients needing surgeries at some point, this brings me some anxiety but hopefully a surgery would give me a better chance at remission and some relief.
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