I want to die. I want to die because I was always broken. Lyme has left me in painful despair. Aspergers, cognitive impairment, and short/long term memory impairment have left me socially confused and isolated. My mind makes up false memories to account for my confusion. I'm extremely irritable because there is so much that I want to do yet i cannot enjoy the experience. If I get a job I get fired for having emotional problems or a severe lack in productivity. Standing around doing nothing, backbreaking work, and mindless repetitive tasks that I cant keep up with are all extreme triggers for me. Being reminded of my poor memory is another trigger. Family insinuating that I am inferior to every working man in the world and that I should be judged so.

School. Nope. All accommodations fall short of addressing any of my problems. I cant listen In a room with other people. I am unable to fixate my attention on mentally demanding tasks. Doing this feels extremely draining. Every failure discourages me no matter what mindset I throw at it. Every failure sets the boundaries for what I think I can do.

The neurological effects of lyme can be devastating and I fear that my lyme treatment is taking too long and my pain is going untreated. "Lyme can be cured if treated early." Does this mean I'm doomed with a malfunctioning brain? I wanted to be a scientist. I didn't realize that it requires a love of math and paperwork. In high school I wanted to die because I could feel myself becoming cognitively impaired. Everyone ignored my desperation. The school, my mom.

I think I will just be stuck in this apartment till I die. I won't ever be able to afford vr. It would help me feel less trapped.

NO,Willabusta..you're 22 and maybe you see everthing dark because of your disease..always hope for something..let me tell you about Daisy,a friend i met on tecno raves...she lives in an area into the wide open,lots of grass and meadows,she told me she got Lyme and i was surprised because she showed herself as a lively person,dancing,smiling..;he whole shabang..but in a deeper talk in the chill out room she told me she's on intravenous shots penniciline based or oral antibiotics like doxycycline...she told me there's no cure for her condition,she's often tired and suffers from extreme fatigue,but what i noticed in this girl is her joy of life,her will to live....crazy girl as well==she's full of tattoos..I have not seen her for a while now..I hope she's O.K.she got couple of dogs,some of her friends let her down because of Lymes,she told me dogs don't know whether a person got a disease like hers..she's nuts about her dogs..I do agree...so Willabusta...give yourself a boost up,will you?