This may not be in the right place but i don't know where else it could go.
I think i have a narcissistic personality, and i've allowed it to ruin everything in my life.
I haven't been diagnosed with the disorder, i don't think it's that acknowledged but i've been looking into different personality disorders and out of them all this one seems to fit.
I'm not particularly proud of the way i've been, but i've never tried hard enough to fight it and now i'm suffering the results of my mistakes. I've prayed to God for his forgiveness, but i know i've let everyone in my life down. I don't want pity, i am just trying to deal with my life now and it's hard. I know i deserve the pain i'm in and i hate myself more than anyone else ever could, i wish i'd never been born.
Even now i know i sound selfish i just can't seem to help myself, i don't know how to.
Apparently it's one of the worst pd's to treat, it's almost impossible. I've read of some famous peolpe who have had it and it's not good, some were thought of as monsters. I never wanted to be like this, but i never really tried not to if that makes sense, now i feel it's too late to make any difference and i'm devastated.