...I would always have these little arguments in my head, two opinions on one topic, and putting myself down.
*My real name isn't being used
I'm 18 now. I think when I was 12 or 13, or maybe even younger, I named my alter ego after my family nickname.
So it was me, Desiree and my alter ego, Desire.
Desiree is sweet, timid, kind, and nice, but weak. However, Desire is meaner, stronger, blunt, and harsh.
Desiree was always bullied, very rarely Desire came out, but at the end of the day Desire always ranted about how they were bad people and how she hopes something really bad happens to them, and just that.
Desire was one of the people to help me through my depression.
After finishing my first year of college and taking in my surroundings, becoming more aware of the world around me, clearly seeing people and their bullshit, I believe Desire has became misanthropic and a narcissist, and it is starting to scare me terribly.
Like the other day I was thinking back on the bays I was being bullied in school, I suddenly started thinking about how I wanted them dead, but I realized "That isn't what I was thinking!"
Then I think about how I would want to be "the higher power" and rule the world and torture and kill every wrong-doer in the world and cleanse the place. Whenever I think about that I smile and giggle like a teenage girl talking to her crush.
But this isn't me! I know it isn't me! I know I can never be that mighty as the higher power and it's foolish to replace its name with mine! I know that, some people, don't deserve death. I know what's right and what's wrong! It's just that Desire scares me..If she was in higher power she would kill people for bullying someone, people with beliefs that are deemed as wrongful, and even kill someone over a song lyric, and oh boy are these thoughts vivid.
I do know that Desire wouldn't actually kill someone, she's all talk...
It's just these daydreams, and her viewpoints...
I'm far from doing anything hasty, and she doesn't control my mind nor my actions but...\
This girl Desire...it's shocking to know I harbor that kind of person inside of me....