Hi, im Calvin, im 24 years old and im a pedophile. but i am NOT a child molester. i never chose to be this way and would never act on my urges, i hate them so much, and with all my sexual abuse as a child it makes no sense that i too would be attracted to children. Im really trying to get help but i cant find anything..im so scared of talking about it because i feel like i will be shunned or rejected.. i would never do anything to harm a child. i feel so guilty about it that i harm myself and have become addicted to self harm..im sickened by my own thoughts and feel like i should be hated. im scared that i will never find help and will turn to suicide.. i cant have friends or a relationship because i'll never be able to open up. i really really need some help and i have no idea where to turn.. sometimes i wonder if i even deserve help, or if i should give up. every day i feel so much pain and shame, and so much hatred for myself.. im suffering and i just want to get better. does anyone know where to find treatment? i dont know where else to turn...