Hi I'm 20 years old. Ive recently left my job after getting back with my boyfriend again
I started lying when I was very young, whether it be to get out of trouble or make myself look better and now I do it all the time it may be about the smallest things or the biggest things and I keep getting caught out and nobody can trust me. I fell out with my best friend over it and my sisters. I keep wearing my sisters clothes and lying about it and they hate me. I take no responsibility for anything whatsoever and probably sound like a spoilt brat. I massively lack self confidence however im told all the time that I am beautiful but I hate myself. I've never felt good enough ever which is why I think I started lying but now I cant stop and its ruining all my relationships and makes me feel like such a bad person so I cant understand why I don't stop! it makes me look stupid and I know im not!
The worse thing is the stealing though like I said before I take my sisters clothes and bareface lie to her when shes going mad asking where they are. As a kid started taking a few pounds here and there from my own mothers purse and as I grew up I never stopped now I take from her more and shes done everything for me I can see now that its breaking her heart. I do know right from wrong so why am I making the wrong decisions constantly? I don't want to be like this I want to have a normal life where I have a relationship with my family and friends without having to always be anxious and feel bad. How do I turn it around ? I feel like ive burned too many bridges and been forgiven too many times now no one wants to know me or believe me. Its my 21st next week and I know that no one will be there and I understand why I just wish that one day I can be okay with everyone and lead a normal life otherwise theres no point in living.
I'm scared my boyfriend will find out the person I am and then hate me too, hes the only bit of happiness I have at the moment and weve been through so much over the past few years. Im scared my family will never forgive me and I will carry on stealing and lying to everyone I just want to stop and be a good person but I don't know how!? ive said before that I will stop and It just doesn't happen im making everyone miserable around me I need to stop!