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BPD Experiences??

This is a discussion on BPD Experiences?? within the Personality Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I see...I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe its important you do keep being skeptical in that case. I know that ...

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Old 12-03-08, 08:26 AM   #11
 
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I see...I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe its important you do keep being skeptical in that case.

I know that can be a problem...I kinda have to keep a conscious check on myself too cause when i'm down and even now i still do plan this (but in more socially acceptable terms), ways out of life. I can't kill myself so lets get a financial bundle that will allow me to feed the depression or whatever it is. I have very interesting schemes i've developed, several exit strategies...but the bottom line is you're still as miserable and that feeling doesn't become easier cause you erase all responsibility from the table.

Don't worry, that you cannot control, its just the bottom I believe (it may not be the same for everyone) but I think its the line that is there that says ok well you're not going to end it you know its bad, there's no grand plan (that works 100%) to escape it either...and that's when you just face it, seek treatment, ignore it, push push push then you can stop having to worry and you'll see that the pension plan does not matter...its going to be all about getting better.

But in all fairness, if I won the lottery tomorrow I can't say I won't buy an island, a boat full of intoxicating party favors and fry my mind till the last breath i breathe. I don't want to die...but I would sooooo get revenge on my brain and enjoy doing it. Now things like that...i know normal society won't approve of, and I can't become a hippie in 2008 so ah well...we'll call it a pipe dream i guess lol. but i just don't want to be a hypocrit cause its all in there i still think these things, i've just learned ot compartmentalize it so i see your side as well. I think its my self-support system.

anyway i'll do what i need i guess but i really do appreciate your feedback...so you know. I have a hint of a suspicion i probably frustrated you and I do that a lot when i get really into conversations so please know I do understand the difference, I really do, its just maybe i use you to say all the things i would say to the people who've been around me in the past and didn't give credit to their efforts...you do good you are right and i have not once heard anything dumb, or i don't respect or anything from you at all...every discussion has been great insight and input and yo uhave a lot more depth and understanding than i ever will to tell the truth. hence i don't want ot be misunderstood.

Last edited by sybil08; 12-03-08 at 08:30 AM.
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Old 12-03-08, 03:48 PM   #12
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You haven't frustrated me. I enjoy perspective. I really genuinely concerned about my daughter's health. My underlying concern for her is that she needs to become proactive in taking care of it. To me, it doesn't matter what the diagnosis is if she doesn't give a hoot and sits in an armchair all day, missing doctor appts. I have epilepsy and I am sure if I try hard enough, I can use this to get out of working and participating in a positive way. What I can do is go down a path which is not so good. If she does have BPD, then I expect her to embrace it as part of her unique identity rather than use it to exempt herself from having to perform like the rest of us. I know I sound hard. I am not pushing her any harder than I would anybody else. she just got a bill for $607 for the ambulance on Sunday for her self-harming and a letter from Social Security saying she has been rejected because she has not applied for benefits correctly. She still expects me to fix this, because she isn't well. Later, she schedules and organises social time with her friends. 'ok, I will be there at 3pm' She makes and executes those engagements with her buddies yet she can't do it for appts to manage her health or get on Youth allowance (because she isn't well) I am not prepared to enable this cycle on the premise that BPD made her do it - especially when we have support services and I remind her each day. I hope you understand my posiiton Sybil.
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Old 12-04-08, 08:16 AM   #13
 
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I totally do and to be totally honest i agree with you.

I sympathize with her cause I know the stress of hanging out is minimal whereas just the thought of doing something (even if you have the parts and its minimal work to accomplish the task) feels stressful, especially if its important to life. You've read on BPD and so I won't bring that in but I'm sure you've read the relationship here?

I came to the conclusion after 6 years of living a torturred life in silence and pretending to be happy at these social gatherings. It was a slow progress of deterioration, i lost friends as i started to feel more dettached from these social activities - i kinda got turned off by my friends cause i was having depressive episodes and all sorts of thoughts when hanging out and i thought it was them. But after spending my one year in bed all day and partying all night i realized that I would easily looose my entire life, what i worked for, in a matter of a year and had to pull it together. No one could do it for me cause at 16 I was sent away for rebelling...

but that lack of support did push me to help myself so hence i did when i was hitting near rock bottom but i was 22 then.

So you are right, I can't do much to console you its your daughter...you could pull the rug out from under her and if she has no support she won't be enabled or take advantage of it...I ten to do that when i have support to...I read BPD patients do that as well.

But the thing is I would not recommend it if she was diagnosed BPD don't take the risk cause the severe BPd is unpredicatble and so what she does to get your attention maybe worse than actually just letting life detriorate...i'm sorry to say that, i'm sure you already know this.

The tough love while you are supporting her is the only middle ground I can think of as well...I'm here for when you're frustrated, want to vent etc. or anything feel free as usual. And again good job on the job you are doing I seriously am still amazed at your ability to understand something so far from your reality.

You're a blessing someday she'll see it and use it wisely.
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Old 12-04-08, 08:28 AM   #14
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Thanks Sybil. It's heartwarming to hear your sentiments
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