I see...I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe its important you do keep being skeptical in that case.
I know that can be a problem...I kinda have to keep a conscious check on myself too cause when i'm down and even now i still do plan this (but in more socially acceptable terms), ways out of life. I can't kill myself so lets get a financial bundle that will allow me to feed the depression or whatever it is. I have very interesting schemes i've developed, several exit strategies...but the bottom line is you're still as miserable and that feeling doesn't become easier cause you erase all responsibility from the table.
Don't worry, that you cannot control, its just the bottom I believe (it may not be the same for everyone) but I think its the line that is there that says ok well you're not going to end it you know its bad, there's no grand plan (that works 100%) to escape it either...and that's when you just face it, seek treatment, ignore it, push push push then you can stop having to worry and you'll see that the pension plan does not matter...its going to be all about getting better.
But in all fairness, if I won the lottery tomorrow I can't say I won't buy an island, a boat full of intoxicating party favors and fry my mind till the last breath i breathe. I don't want to die...but I would sooooo get revenge on my brain and enjoy doing it. Now things like that...i know normal society won't approve of, and I can't become a hippie in 2008 so ah well...we'll call it a pipe dream i guess lol. but i just don't want to be a hypocrit cause its all in there i still think these things, i've just learned ot compartmentalize it so i see your side as well. I think its my self-support system.
anyway i'll do what i need i guess but i really do appreciate your feedback...so you know. I have a hint of a suspicion i probably frustrated you and I do that a lot when i get really into conversations so please know I do understand the difference, I really do, its just maybe i use you to say all the things i would say to the people who've been around me in the past and didn't give credit to their efforts...you do good you are right and i have not once heard anything dumb, or i don't respect or anything from you at all...every discussion has been great insight and input and yo uhave a lot more depth and understanding than i ever will to tell the truth. hence i don't want ot be misunderstood.