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Avoidant Personality Disorder

This is a discussion on Avoidant Personality Disorder within the Personality Disorders forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I have AvPD, and it's not a normal variation in the spectrum of human personality types. It is CRIPPLING . ...

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Old 04-25-10, 08:54 AM   #11
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I have AvPD, and it's not a normal variation in the spectrum of human personality types. It is CRIPPLING. It doesn't mean I'm a bit shy or introverted. It makes it damn near impossible to engage or interact with people, due to fear of rejection. Why do I fear this? Because I've been rejected a lot, and it fucking hurts every time.

A lot of people with AvPD have a long history of pervasive verbal and emotional abuse, and I'm no different. Being bullied at school, and by my father when I came home, conditioned me to expect this in everyday contact with other people. After a while, I just gave up trying. To this day I have no friends, have never kept a relationship together, and have virtually given up hope of finding love or even comfort in this life.

Last edited by Ella; 11-25-10 at 06:59 PM.
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Old 04-25-10, 03:21 PM   #12
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Well it is not just people. It can be situations too....
For example I never have breakfast on my balcony because I think that people from the building across mine are going to look at me for the whole time...

Yeah I can understand this.

I have an avoidant personality myself. For me, everything has to be just right otherwise I won't do it.

If I've gained a little weight and think that others will notice, I will seriously avoid seeing them until I have worked out and lost that weight. It's crazy, it's definitely a fear of whether or not I will be accepted. And even if I am accepted it's usually to ward off the possibility of being judged. Because being judged does make you feel like complete shit and embarrasses you.

I've gotten better with this the past year just because, hey depression has been a good vehicle to doing less, yet eating more... so it's like i've had to accept myself even when i'm not that attractive and say "F what others think". I still care what they think, and my own opinion of myself, but I try not to let it stop me from going out, etc.
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Old 04-25-10, 04:55 PM   #13
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Are you taking any medication or doing any theraphy?
i tried therapy and it sucked. i was on medication earlier in the year for depression and it sucked.

exposure therapy seems to be good for a lot of people (i'm on another social anxiety forum), but i think you just have to find your own way through.

in my experience, exposure to social situations just ends up making me worse. like continually tossing a child into oncoming traffic. i just get beaten up.

so, right now my way through is sitting inside and rotting. i'll let you know how that works out.
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Old 04-26-10, 02:47 PM   #14
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Hmmmm, I've always tried my hardest to avoid social situations. Except for family gatherings. I'm always self-conscious about how I look though, when I do go somewhere. Worried that everyone will stare at me and judge me, negatively. It's on my mind constantly.....I keep telling myself that everyone sees me in a negative way, so it's hard to go out. I don't have many nice clothes anymore, so that makes it even harder to find the confidence to go out.

I'm going to ask my therapist and pdoc about this....

Best of luck to all of you who suffer from this.
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Old 04-26-10, 04:15 PM   #15
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Well it is not just people. It can be situations too....
For example I never have breakfast on my balcony because I think that people from the building across mine are going to look at me for the whole time...
I know it is. I will never answer the telephone or the door. I also haven't left the house for months due to it. Anything that involves people in any way and I'm as far away as possible. When i attempt to talk to people on here i feel shit because i know chances are they won't even reply and first thing I'll think is oh they obviously don't like me, then i wont post for a while, and that has happened loads.
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Old 04-26-10, 08:06 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by powpowpow View Post
i tried therapy and it sucked. i was on medication earlier in the year for depression and it sucked.

exposure therapy seems to be good for a lot of people (i'm on another social anxiety forum), but i think you just have to find your own way through.

in my experience, exposure to social situations just ends up making me worse. like continually tossing a child into oncoming traffic. i just get beaten up.

so, right now my way through is sitting inside and rotting. i'll let you know how that works out.
Well how old are you? Are you independent or do you live with your family?
Some people think that I am lucky to some extent because I moved out of home at 18 and ever since I have always been independent.
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Old 04-26-10, 11:52 PM   #17
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I have it -- it sucks. I am unemployed and have a terrible employment history and miles behind others my age.

Anything socially seems almost bothersome to me. I have been in this area for a year (outside Boston MA) and literally have not met one person or had any visitors outside immediate family.

Maybe it is because I am too poor relative to others around here (everyone is extremely wealthy going to $50,000 USD a year universities) with many job offers upon graduation and the city of Boston is like a playground to them but I am treated like shit because I am different or like a previous boss said -- 'I have quirks'.
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Old 04-27-10, 12:37 AM   #18
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I'm really glad you posted here italmelb. I am curious about your personal experience with the disorder, more of like what you were saying about the balcony thing.

I have come across AvPD in the past while researching my own behaviors. While I do have some characteristics, I think I'm just more socially anxious than anything. I can talk to people, although I have to put on my brave face: me suppressing my anxiety. Sometimes I still get red in the face even when I'm talking to my family. You'd think after 21 years of living with these people I wouldn't freaking blush when I'm talking about something! I don't know what it is but it's annoying and embarrassing as hell and it makes me feel even more stupid.

I'm not really sure how involved it has to be in order to be considered to have AvPD? I used to be loads worse than I am now about social situations, but now I have gotten a little better. I still constantly think people are saying something bad about me but I'm getting good at realizing my negative (and unproved) statements and trying to dismiss them to the best of my ability. Getting older has helped as well.
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Old 04-27-10, 05:41 AM   #19
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Well how old are you? Are you independent or do you live with your family?
Some people think that I am lucky to some extent because I moved out of home at 18 and ever since I have always been independent.
i'm 23. i spent the last school year across the country living on my own. i'm back at home now for the spring/summer.

my attempts at being independent always turn into this awful pit of isolation though so i really don't known what the future is going to look like. when i'm at home i don't think about it as much.
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Old 04-28-10, 10:14 PM   #20
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A lot of what has been said here i suffer from, however it sounds like depression and anxieties as with these i feel the same, and avoid things .
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