Thwarting Yourself
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Thwarting Yourself

This is a discussion on Thwarting Yourself within the Other Mental Health forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; I guess I've been trying to find a way to put this. Maybe others can at least relate. I would ...

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Old 08-22-14, 01:15 PM   #1
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I guess I've been trying to find a way to put this. Maybe others can at least relate. I would appreciate any, and all people that also feel this way to comment.

Am I the only one that does this.

Things could be going pretty well for me. I could be having a good day, and have a positive attitude overall. Just when I start to feel good, I find myself almost searching for a way to bring it down. I'm really starting to believe, I'm not allowing myself to be happy. Its not a good way to life your life.

I'll admit, I'm not perfect, and not as educated as others on this website. However, somehow, being hurt over and over, by the same people (unfortunately), has taught me the lesson over the years. I would LOVE to believe that, overall, people at least have good intentions. This could be naive of me. I guess, its something that was engrained into me from as long as I can remember. Its really hard to let that go - especially at my age.

I'm intentionally leaving out personal beliefs, as to not bring anything like that into the topic.

This might've not come across as I'd hoped. But, hopefully you'll get the point.

Anybody else care to share an opinion?
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Old 08-22-14, 01:58 PM   #2
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Hi I just started using this site yesterday.

I totally understand what you mean. I feel like I'm self sabotaging as well. I feel like once I start to feel happy, I question it, like I feel like I'm suppose to stay sad. Its weird and I dont know why, I guess I'm just used to the sadness or I'm afraid to be happy because it seems temporary.
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Old 08-22-14, 02:00 PM   #3
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"self sabotaging"

Exactly what I was trying to say. Yep!

I see I'm not alone. Glad you can relate, but too bad, that we do this.

How can we change this do you feel?
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Last edited by Gene Poule; 08-22-14 at 02:02 PM.
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Old 08-22-14, 02:06 PM   #4
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Hopefully, we'll get other comments. Without question though, this is not healthy for us, we already know that already, even without others agreeing.

OK, we should find a way to change this.
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Old 08-22-14, 02:19 PM   #5
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Yeah I think the first step is recognizing that we do this. Sometimes it helps to see what made me happy and try to do things to enforce the happiness, such as exercise, favorite movie or song, socializing.

The problem though is, I can get through the day but at night all of these negative thoughts come flooding back, like you should not have been happy today. Or during the day Im like battling myself, don't have any fun, but i force myself to have fun anyway.
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Old 08-22-14, 02:29 PM   #6
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The negative thoughts are relentless. Almost as if they are in the drivers seat.

I tried so hard today to push them away. Nothing at all was wrong. Not a thing. Felt pretty good all things considered. Then I allowed myself to concern myself with things beyond my control. No reason to do that. Those thoughts start to make my head spin. Next thing I know, I'm getting myself all upset and sad.

I'm having a hard time with what makes me happy in the first place. Good music, and not watching horrible news is a good start. I mean really, are we going to change much in the world by our worry. The news (for me) is a huge trigger.

We made the first step, a great start.
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Old 08-22-14, 07:29 PM   #7
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Yeah I definitely stay away from the news. I had a tricky day myself.

But there's always tomorrow to try again. I'm hoping the more we try not to get caught up in the negative thoughts, the less power it will have.
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Old 08-22-14, 08:30 PM   #8
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I self sabotage at every step. Every time I catch myself enjoying something or doing anything that is illogical due to my cynical depressive nihilistic beliefs there is something inside my head that makes me stop and sometimes do negative things. I used to have conversations with 'the voice' that commands it, now I just try my best to distract myself as much as I can... if I focus on it long enough to give it control it's a bad thing. It has come to the conclusion that I need to die... it's tried before.

I guess I kinda got an 'evil twin' or something like that. It's always there in the back of my head. The last time it took control something really bad happened. I feel like it will be coming soon again, and this time it won't be leaving. Maybe I should just let it happen... because what good have I actually done. All I do is repress everything and maybe it's truly me buried deep within my head trying to fight its way out from all the pain and indecision I have caused...

Every once and awhile I have conversations with it again... I can feel a complete change within me when it comes. It feels more real...
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Old 08-23-14, 12:56 AM   #9
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I understand the feeling of like having an evil twin. It can feel overpowering. I know it hurts and that everything seems hopeless, but please keep trying. Keep fighting, don't let it control you. You can find control within you, keep getting up everyday and trying.

If you can, try seeking a therapist. I just started a few months ago and its really helping me gain some control back and occasionally ignore those negative thoughts. If therapy is not an option for you, try to reach out to a love one, and stick to this site.

Keep going everyday, you can do this! :)
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Old 08-23-14, 04:47 AM   #10
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You know, this really makes me happy, that you both are working this out. I'm glad I created this thread. Even if you both are able to find a way to benefit from it, in some way. You've both taken the first step, realizing it. Now to deal with it.

IMO, you both deserve much better in your lives. I sincerely hope, you'll be able to rid yourselves of those ugly thoughts (voices), telling you, you are not worth it.

Best of luck to you both, and you're worth it.
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