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Old 08-24-14, 11:18 AM   #41
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Forget being a loner. It's not worth it. The voices called me stuck up and bitchy. They forced me to be talkative by asking questions so that I had to answer them, otherwise that's the bitchy silent treatment.

I can't understand for the life of me why people have something against someone being quiet and aloof. What's wrong with being quiet? Why does everyone have to be the same?

I think I will just dive into sex to deal with my issues with people and distract myself from the voices.

I watched a TED Talk lecture by a scientists who said people are happiest when they're in the present than when their minds wander.

He said people's mind are most likely to wander when they're showering and least likely to wander when....they're having sex.
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Old 08-24-14, 02:34 PM   #42
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Yeah so being hypersexual is the last hoorah before becoming totally helpless and uncomfortable.

Thoughts?
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Old 08-25-14, 07:52 AM   #43
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Sorry I'm so indecisive.

Thoughts?
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Old 08-25-14, 08:54 PM   #44
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Come on, somebody please say something.
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Old 08-27-14, 11:25 AM   #45
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Hi, SensualGirl. Sorry for the late reply, but it was August bank holiday weekend so went to an annual music festival. Yesterday I was far too hung over to post, lol.

I don't really know what to say to your questions. Different people cope with things in different ways. What works for me, won't necessarily work for other people. You should do whatever makes you happy

About being a loner - It works for me. I still have friends, but I only see them when 'I' want to. Sometimes I might not see anyone for 2 months, sometimes it might be 3 times in one week. It all depends on if I feel sociable or not, which isn't that often. I don't get emotionally or physically attached to them, so when they inevitably betray my trust, I don't get hurt or stressed.

It works great for me, until I fall in love with someone, and then it all goes out the window...

About the voices - I can't really say much more at this point. For me the dark thoughts are there, just like my little finger is there, but I don't pay attention to them most of the time. I don't ignore them and I don't listen to them - they are just 'there'. Occasionally the voices get a bit loud and get me stressed, but as said I have coping mechanisms that I use when the warning signs appear.

I accepted my 'voices' as just another part of me, but I don't know how I did it, so can't really give advice on how you can do it. Maybe it just takes time?

About sex - If it makes you happy - go for it I used to be promiscuous as a teenager. It was kind of expected in the social group I associated with ( boys and girls. ) It was a lot of fun, but generally shallow and meaningless. The amount of work you have to go through to get it ( it's much different for females ) outweighs the benefits of a drunken fumble in the back seat of a car.
When I was 17/18 I fell in love, and the sex I had with that person was 100 times better than anything I'd had before. The sex actually had some meaning rather than a quick gratification. I can get that much easier just using my right hand, lol. When I was in love, the sex meant so much more - we were actually expressing and sharing our love with our bodies. It's bliss
I have a high libido, and if I had the opportunity for no strings sex, like you do, I would most likely take advantage of it. But for a guy to get no strings sex is almost impossible, especially in my situation ( without paying for it. ) And even if I could, I would rather spend one night with someone I was in love with, than 20 nights of sex with people I barely know or cared about.
But that's me. And I'm not you, and you need to do whatever gets you through life

Question - Have you ever had sex with someone you are in love with? I mean REAL love, not the kind you get with most 'normal' people. The kind of love where you would rather hurt yourself than hurt them, where your first and last thought is making them happy, where you think about them every single second of the day, where you would rather die than live without them? Just curious, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
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Old 08-27-14, 11:53 AM   #46
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Thanks for getting back to me.

The voices think I'm promiscuous because I got heartbroken in college. What a crock. My second and third monogamous relationships were LIGHT YEARS ahead of my first puppy love in college.

I have been madly in love before. The sex was okay. He had a really small dick lol. So it wouldn't have worked out although we discussed marriage.

I like being alone too although I prefer the promiscuous lifestyle I think. I think it's better to distract myself with sex than to try to suppress the voices by talking to myself like a loner.

Any further insight from anyone would be appreciated.
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Old 08-27-14, 12:28 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SensualGirl View Post
I have been madly in love before. The sex was okay. He had a really small dick lol. So it wouldn't have worked out although we discussed marriage.
I guess the answer is no, then, lol. But that's okay, not many people do ever experience real love.

When I fall in love with someone it's because of who they are, not what they look like or how big/small, fat/thin, tall/skinny, ugly/beautiful they are. I fall in love with their soul, not their bodies, lol. I'm a romantic at heart, I guess

Distracting yourself with sex sounds like a good idea if it works for you, but can you get enough of it? I mean the actual orgasm itself doesn't last very long and the endorphins and serotonin ( ??? ) it releases dissipate really quickly. After the post-coital ciggy/shower there isn't really anything to feel until the next time you do it.
I'm just curious how you feel about it, because if I was distracting myself with sex instead of other things, I would have to be doing it 10+ times a day. My d**k would probably fall off after a few weeks, lmao.

BTW, I don't talk to myself out loud. It's just my brain analysing stuff. It does it by itself.
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Old 08-27-14, 12:49 PM   #48
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Real love sounds nice, but it can wait.

Not just having sex all day. Maybe once or twice a week with a few different men, then sex parties once a month. But distracting myself with things like TV shows about sex or something. Or reading sex-positive books or going on supportive websites.

It's causing a figment named Iyanla Vanzant (one of Oprah's ilk) to follow me around trying to heal me and turn me into a good girl. It's really frustrating and uncomfortable. I do the mantras like "free", "slut", or summon sexual women like Susie Bright and Victoria Woodhull. I can't really tell if that's working.

I feel like the whole world is against women who love to fuck. Steve Harvey, the writers of The Rules, Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, Iyanla Vanzant, Camille Paglia. It's everywhere.

So I'm thinking maybe just stop talking to people outside of work. That way I won't have to pretend to agree with their ideals.

And when I'm alone I can just tell myself: "I'm alone, I'm at peace, nobody's bothering me" or whatever. That might backfire as thought suppression. I might run out of stuff to say. And I'm not sure if I want to make it a habit. Plus I was warned that if I stop talking to people, I might lose my social skills.

So idk....?
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Old 08-27-14, 05:28 PM   #49
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You use the word 'slut' a lot. Is this the way you view yourself? Or is it society makes you think you should view yourself that way? Or is it just narrow-minded people who think this and you let it bother you?

I hope you aren't judging yourself by what other people think, because that can lead to all sorts of insecurities...

You say you think the whole world is against women who like sex? It's the opposite of that here ( England. ) Especially amongst the working class people. 99% of my past and current female friends have been VERY dominant when it comes to sex. They sleep with who they want, when they want and don't give a flying f**k what anyone else thinks of them
I once knew a woman who was trying to sleep with 100 different men before she was 30 years old. And she did it, and was very proud of it, and her friends and I congratulated her for it. ( I wasn't one of the hundred, btw )
I could tell you lots more stories, lmao

I guess that might be because of the sorts of people I've always associated with, but even the 'posh' people seem to be putting it about a lot, even if they are a lot quieter about it.

Maybe the people you associate with are just narrow-minded? Maybe you should just ignore them and do whatever makes you happy? It's your life, after all

Personally, someones sexual exploits or lack of them doesn't bother me in the slightest. As long they are happy with what they are doing and they aren't hurting anyone, then I won't judge them for it

As for social skills, I never really had any anyway, so I wouldn't know about losing them if you don't talk to people enough, lmao.
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Old 09-20-14, 12:38 PM   #50
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Yeah I get the impression that society considers women like me sluts so I try to reclaim the term and make it a good thing or at least just a slang term that is neutral.

There's a book called The Ethical Slut and gay guys call each other sluts, so I'm not the only one who likes the sound of the word. It sounds pretty to me, like a busty blond cheerleader.

Being a loner seems safer...but it does seem kinda dull no offense and there are people who have a huge problem with people being quiet, seeing it as rude for some strange reason. Like Secret Millionaire said, I don't think I'm a loner though, seeing as I'm connected to so many people, including people who aren't like minded...

My therapist wants me to challenge plans and labels, which I'm finding very hard when a mean voice pops up. I have nothing to comfort me.
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