I have always had a lot of difficulty finding hobbies that I enjoy. I have been experiencing depression for most of my life, and I find that nothing really gives me any pleasure. I like reading because it takes me away, and I like watching TV and killing endless hours on the internet because it's an easy way to take up all of the extra time I have between work and sleep.
I just don't enjoy anything. I am afraid that this will eventually take it's toll on my relationship, which is the only solidly good thing in my life right now, and I've had it destroy other relationships in the past. I appear to be lazy to someone who doesn't understand that I just don't have any fun doing anything. Being busy overwhelms me, and sitting home doing nothing all day makes me more depressed. I just don't know how to find hobbies I might enjoy.
I have absolutely no athletic ability, or coordination, so I can't really try to get interested in sports (I also have flat feet and asthma, I just really can't do it). I also have no artistic ability, I can't draw something that looks anything like I intended it to and practice doesn't improve it. I'm not good at any video games I've ever tried to be good at. And I really don't know what there is to do in the world. Like, I just have no ideas for what to try.
I started knitting for a while, and that was okay, boring but something to do, and then I lost one of my needles and haven't been able to replace it so that's been going nowhere. I used to enjoy writing but I can't get inspired anymore, and even when I try to just write something, just to get over the block and get something out, it's never satisfying anymore. And those are solo activities, too, and I really think I would benefit from more social interaction than I get. I don't really have any interests to go off, I'm a little interested in history, so I read about history, and watch shows and movies about it, but I don't really see any way to take that any further.
I joined this forum hoping that someone would be able to give me some advise. I'm deeply into a routine right now, which I've craved in the past because it helps me not feel overwhelmed by all that is expected of me in life, but things are calm enough for me right now that I'm just bored, which is making me depressed even though I'm not in a Major Depressive Episode right now, and making me very anxious the past few months which I've experienced before but not to this degree.
I don't know what else to say, really, I'm just really hoping someone will have some advise for me.