Too many things....
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Too many things....

This is a discussion on Too many things.... within the Other Challenges forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Hiya guys, its been very long time since i was on here, in fact last time i posted was 3 ...

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Old 08-15-18, 04:14 PM   #1
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Hiya guys,

its been very long time since i was on here, in fact last time i posted was 3 years ago. I had life exactly where i wanted it, then the powers inside me decided to fuck it up.

In those years, I lost my partner to a car accident, and i lost my next parter(not in death) to mental health, i had been waiting for over a decade to be given a label of what I had and after seeing a specialist, they concluded i had, Bi Polar, PTSD and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.

The worst part about it is the person i lost was a woman i loved, was my self with. Truly a soulmate. She had two beautiful kids and I was a father too them. The mental health issues make me go into a self destruct and its horrible. Ive lost every6thing in the space of two months. and its only me to blame.

My partner stuck around for a month after my initial self destruct. I kept lying and things got worse, when s decided enough was enough and fuck my best mate!!!

The day after i caught her out i took an overdose. of certralene, i took 78 tablets. I flatlined twice, and i suffered a stroke in the meantime. It has almost cost me my musical career. Thankfully it hasn't. People ask me do i have suicidal thoughts.... No but i don't want to be here. Its ironic isn't it.... how one thing can keep you alive. My band and my music is the only thing that does.

Im scared for what my future holds and one day i might succeed when in hindsight i love my life regardless of my issues.

Im a victim to my own brain and it hurts, cause i hurt the people around me.The only upside is that I have been put on fluoxetine and lamotrogene. Feel great right now.
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Old 08-16-18, 09:41 AM   #2
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@southern..sure life can go strange ways,my friend...you say you fucked up?that's a matter of circumstances,
feelings,emotions we often have no grip on ourselves..we all lose people in life..fact is==can we cope?few friends i lost to cancer,motorbike accident etc..and every time i do think==why?an emotional disorder very often alters our life,our way of thinking,our future plans,everything really,is it not?people lose themselves if they blame themselves for their mistakes..to be honest==i made many mistakes...but..i can tell you all I have never been a pessimist in life==it really serves no purpose to feel like that..at least not for me...dark thoughts,depression,insecurity are the bottom line...what struck me in your posting is your musical feelings..i have been on U.K festivals in the UK like bearded theory in Derbyshire,in Somerset etc...and i feel that music brings people together
music creates emotions which can either improve or worsen our mental feelings...in my case music is a healer
==i advice you all to go into my music thread..music is a healing force..it does not hurt..i am glad you are on fluoxetine and lamotrogene=whatever that medication is about?we are what we feel inside..and 1 one day we gonna become what we wanna become...life is a fight,a battle...not just saying...I feel depressive==I GIVE UP
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Last edited by tigerlover; 08-16-18 at 09:44 AM.
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Old 08-16-18, 05:46 PM   #3
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Thank you tiger lover, i agree about music. I am an established and recently signed musician, with wo al;bums out. It does help. Im writing my third based on bipolar and using it as a concept to show that mental health isn't a joke and it can be crippling.

I use this space to rant. What I'm feeling at the time. I like to think I'm an intellect but sometimes you can't face these baths with brains or intellect. Just a matter of taking a chill pill and taking a step back

Thank you for your response.
__________________
When your try you best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you cant sleep
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
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