How To Deal With Bullies?
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How To Deal With Bullies?

This is a discussion on How To Deal With Bullies? within the Other Challenges forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; How do I deal with mean, insulting, hurtful comments/people? I have hundreds of examples from my life. One is when ...

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Old 02-28-18, 11:00 AM   #1
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How do I deal with mean, insulting, hurtful comments/people?

I have hundreds of examples from my life. One is when my ex best friend said "I think you're too carefree. I think that makes you primitive. All you do is sleep and eat." I said, "but I have a job." He said, "I don't care if you have 10 jobs, you're still primitive. You need to fight for what you believe in." I snapped and said "you know what? I used to be really bothered by sexism, but I learned how to deal with it. Why can't you deal with racism?" He said, "you need to stop worrying about those non-existent issues and serve your people."

How do I deal with this type of crap? Just go distract myself to take my mind off it? Be carefree and let it roll of my back, regardless of how much they egg me on to fight back? Cut them loose?
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Old 02-28-18, 12:27 PM   #2
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Very often bullies just know your weakness and try to use it against the one they bully..he/she provokes you and he/she knows they hurt you?just seeing that hurt is often their strenght..and they use it to their advantage..i encountered bullies==usually i kept quiet but if they break my mind borderline i gave them shit back...it often became a battle of words...i can be very blunt(==one of my flaws)but if a bullie tries anything on me he/she will get full force of backlash if they push me to my limits...if it is a matter of keeping our cool,some can't and usually bottle their shame or insults up within themselves,while others may react and even come to the point of verbal or physical agression?i think i f i could teach a bullie a lesson and put him/her into their place?i bet they will not come back a second time but find another victim,some obnoxious relationships end up in mutual bullying or hurt..if that happens we should make a big cross over the relationship and just say goodbye...so to answer the question of the OP==
dealing with bullies is not an easy matter,we can ignore their comments,but that's not easy to do,we can react with anger,but that's often putting oil on a fire if you know from yourself you cannot target a bullie..if you cut a bullie lose they feel the offense and might come back attacking you even more..ignoring a bullie is not often easy...
they know they got a grip on you...just try to distract yourself away from the situation by saying..
i gotta go...byebye...leave me alone...it works sometimes,but not always...
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Old 03-01-18, 05:26 AM   #3
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the only thing that stops a bully is when you stand up to them and make it hard on them, bullies don't like when it's not easy to pick on you, for example when i was a teenager i was a very timid person and got constantly picked on and pushed around and one day i had enough and got hit one too many times, i snapped and beat that bully senseless with a chair, never got bullied by anyone again after that because i stood up to them right from the very start and wouldn't let it escalate, same thing verbally if they get it back they'll stop
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Old 03-01-18, 10:41 AM   #4
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I don't know how to do that...
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Old 03-01-18, 03:33 PM   #5
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I don't know how to do that...
Speak up but if they're insisting on bullying, cut them off. Limit your contact with them only to what's needed and nothing more. As for physical force, limit that only to self defence from a physical attack. You don't want them to have the satisfaction of having you arrested and then suing you.

Bullies like other people's pain be it physical or emotional and they don't care how they do it. As for why, there are millions of excuses (disguised by them as 'reasons'). Doesn't mean you have to give it to them though. One good thing about them is that they at least make it easier for us to decide whether to keep them in our circle or not.

Dedicate your time and energy to those who are supportive and don't hurt you. They're your true friends and despite how you may feel at times, they're out there.
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Old 03-01-18, 03:54 PM   #6
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Dedicate your time and energy to those who are supportive and don't hurt you. They're your true friends and despite how you may feel at times, they're out there.
That's my problem: getting the impression that almost everyone is a bully. Is it advisable to take risk of making more friends? Right now I have my bf, my two close friends, my cousin, hotline, and my online communities.
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Old 03-01-18, 04:12 PM   #7
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i do agree with both postings of surfcaster and DPG==bullies always try to harras people into a conflict situation and mostly they wanna win power over the ones they bullie...in Belgium we see a lot of bullying in schoolyards...a bullie chooses a victim,bullies him/her and sometimes it develops in a mobbing or steaming,usually after school hours..it can lead to fysical violence,fighting etc...i strongly reject using violence because often it leads to jail sentences,police etc.....there was a case of steaming where a boy was forced to give his smartphone away to the steaming dudes..he refused and he got stabbed...did not die,but these kind of cowards go that far sometimes...i never went violent but i went into verbal agressive backtalk once and I really put that fellow in his place...he got some shit from me,he talked back but when he realised i was stronger in words he backed off..i saw him back once but he avoided me like hell...very often bullies have a minority complex which they can react off if they find someone they see weak,and they simply love that power,but in reality they're very often cowards...if they work in a group usually there is one big mouth smartass to get some followers behind him,these followers are nothing without that smartass..but enjoy seeing someone bullied as such..some kind of bullying which goes on over here is cyber stalking,intimidation,
humiliation,often some P.C geeks know to use snapchat pictures etc..therewere cases where a silly girl fell in love with a so called loverboy,send one nude pic in trust,but it got used on facebook and the girl got in trouble with her school,her parents etc...and ended up with severe depression,shame and trauma...to the OP i would say=avoid people altogether if you feel a sense of bullying,don't get agressive,but tell them your shit if you have the guts
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Old 06-22-18, 10:58 PM   #8
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That's my problem: getting the impression that almost everyone is a bully. Is it advisable to take risk of making more friends? Right now I have my bf, my two close friends, my cousin, hotline, and my online communities.
First of all, I'm sorry for not replying earlier. Been head spinning a lot lately and had a hard time forming and expressing cohesive thoughts.

To help answer your question: Instead of making more friends, just watch and keep an eye out. You'll know if someone is worth being your friend. And considering you have your bf, two close friends, cousin, hotline and online communities, I'd say that's a very good start.

While you're watching and seeing if someone is worth being your friend, a strategy that I learned from working as a guard is summed up as "Be friendly but not friends."

That means, with other folks, while you're keeping some interaction going, You're not exposing yourself to the extra pain. Being friendly means being civil and polite with people and in a work setting maintaining a professional attitude. No need to open yourself at the get go though. Think of circles. The inner circles are the ones reserved for those you can trust intimately and as they go outwards, while you may trust them it's only to a certain limit. Acquaintances would be at the outermost circles. These would be people you encounter on a daily basis and while you may exchange pleasantries or work with them, it doesn't mean you would be buddy buddy with them and share your life story with them. If someone proves to you that they can be trusted, you can allow them to graduate to a closer circle. If that person doesn't prove to you that they can be trusted, either keep them at the outermost circle or move them out further. Only at your own pace though. Don't rush and don't feel guilty for those decisions.

Hope this helps.

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