Its kinda hard to write this. Its just my 2nd post too, but whatever.
I have always kinda done a little research about depression and mental disorders. I stumbled onto OCD on wikipedia and read it and was hit hard by one of the descriptions/symptoms.
* Unwanted sexual thoughts. Two classic examples are fear of being gay or fear of being a pedophile. In both cases, the sufferer will obsess over whether or not they are genuinely aroused by the thoughts.
I am somewhat ashamed, but not completely, when I read this. I have had this problem my whole life. It has kept me from having normal friendships and in general made life somewhat stressful at times. Confusing too.
When I read this, and it wasn't that long ago, can I say I felt relief? I never was able to put my finger on what the fuck was going on in my head ( I dont have other OCD symptoms, I don't think ), although I knew I was not gay or a pedophile. I sure as fuck didn't like the thoughts regardless. It wasn't/isn't fun.
I don't know if this helps anybody. In some fucking wierd way it helped me because I said, "AHA!, that's what the fuck is going on!"
I haven't mentioned this to my psychologist (my drug dealer, really). Maybe if I start therapy one day I'll talk about it.
Again, I saw the forum and it popped into my head (no pun intended there). Maybe someone else is feeling stuff like this and it is causing great angst. Don't worry. It's all in your head. :)
P.S.: I don't hate gay people. I DO of course hate/dissaprove of pedophilia.