I pulled the covers over my head, basically.
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Mental and Physical Health > OCD


I pulled the covers over my head, basically.

This is a discussion on I pulled the covers over my head, basically. within the OCD forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; OK, this might come across a total gibberish much like the majority of my shit. I need to just get ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-10-14, 05:49 AM   #1
TTL Bronze Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,885
My Mood:
Default I pulled the covers over my head, basically.

OK, this might come across a total gibberish much like the majority of my shit.

I need to just get this out, and I'm putting it here largely due to the fact that OCD is the only real diagnosis I have gotten in my life. Not at all because that is all that is wrong with me by any stretch. I know there is more. I'm pretty sure it could get ugly it I allowed myself to have continued with the doctor. Its getting so bad that I actually had to call a number the other day. Not much came of it other than what I already know I need to do already. Get help AGAIN. This is the problem now. I decided to cut myself off from treatment completely early this year. I've dealt with my crap most of my life by becoming a nasty huge drug addict and alcoholic. Just great, huh! Well, I managed to quit the majority of drugs I was on. I won't disclose just how other than to say, my supply was cut off. I'm truly glad as I would've never gotten off the shit had that not happened. However, I'm back to drinking again, and much more than even for me.

Why am I writing this, not sure really. Nobody can really help another person over the internet, I know that.

Well, here it is - what I'm terribly obsessing about most of the day while not drunk anyway.

I had not choice but to cut off what little friends I had. It was for the best for myself and them. Its not fair to burden another person when I know damn well they are going through their own stuff. That is the biggest part anyway. Also I only found out last month while stumbling onto some old websites I used to visit, that most of them turned on each other and in an awful way. Actually, I could hardly believe my eyes.

Back on track gene.

I'm surprised at just how badly I'm doing right now with this. I did have several casual online friends. I had to let their emails go unanswered, because, I would get one from one person saying "dont trust so-and-so" Then, an email from the person I'm not supposed to trust telling me not to trust them. WTF!!! What's eating me up though, is I had a extremely close friend that I opened up my entire life to. He did the same (I think)...

I had to close my email because I just didn't know, or what to say anymore. He is the ONLY person that actually knows of a major diagnosis I have not MH related. He actually went through I with my most of 2012 up until early this year. I think we had a special bond that is unusual really. I think there is such a think as becoming too attached. Besides, I do love to just talk shit and joke. Hell, its a great distraction to lives problems. That was no longer happening anyway. I'm not going to start trolling as I used to ever again. It was harmless anyway nonsense anyway. The last thing I want is another website.

I'm quite concerned though for several reasons. Not so much about my safety oddly enough. I will be relocating shortly anyway. I love being alone as I've always been just a drifter anyway.

If I can't somehow get this under control, I might wind up committed again. I'm trying to prevent this as I need to get out of here.

I've pulled the covers over my head though. Meaning, I've cut off all email contact and have to just wonder. God, I just go over and over and over it while pacing. I have no choice but to think there was at least some honestly from most of the folks I've talked to. People turn on each other in the end anyway for a number of reasons. Some of those reasons I'll just never know. That doesn't mean they didn't care in some way. I still care and hope for the best.

Some old habits are starting to present again with the damn light switches. I have to again let somebody else turn out the lights.

I'm so ashamed of myself in all honesty
__________________
"The lonely become either thoughtful or empty"
Gene Poule is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-14, 05:07 PM   #2
TTL Bronze Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,885
My Mood:
Default

Today is a bit better for some reason. Maybe because I just got it out. Do you know how hard it is to put THAT many typos in 1 posting...:)

I'm going to really utilize my CBT and push those feelings aside and try to enjoy the day instead of bitching on a website and try to have a calm one without torturing myself as I've been lately.

Ironically, my other compulsions are under control strange enough. Meaning, I'm perfectly ok with them. I just threw away a few towels I had with a pattern. Otherwise, I go bat shit if it don't line with the towel bar. I eat out of my own hands no problem. Because I don't touch much.

Yeah I'm a sick little homo. I admit it - beyond help!

A move will do me good though. Just too stuck with old surroundings and my old thoughts.

Better days ahead
__________________
"The lonely become either thoughtful or empty"
Gene Poule is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-14, 07:32 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 4,834
My Mood:
Default

Glad that you feel better. (:

One piece of advice, dont take stuff from internet too seriously, it can be hurtful to realize truth from deception, because everyone can be anything on internet. (:
123Noon321 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:28 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2