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This is a discussion on Gambling within the OCD forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Still chomping at the bit... I wish I could just hit it, then maybe I wouldn't see the 'need(s)' to ...

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Old 03-01-12, 12:23 AM   #71
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Still chomping at the bit... I wish I could just hit it, then maybe I wouldn't see the 'need(s)' to go down there any more.
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Old 03-01-12, 07:22 PM   #72
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As I sit I'm missing the casino. Not for the money aspect(s) of it, but for the "company" it offers me. Having money to play, would just be a "bonus" for me. I "miss" the lights, the sounds, all the people, and just being able to sit down and "talk" while you play. That plays a major part in my gambling issues. Being around people, instead of always being alone/lonely with nothing and nobody to just sit and talk with-in person. I'm a "social body" by nature, and being "confined" in a house all day for the whole month, except when I get paid, is just not helping. The weather's not that nice out, so I'm not able to do anything. I can't even walk Bear, because my body's screamin in so much pain.

I just enjoy being around people! I like talking, getting to know things about them, and just find talking to them, is interesting. You can learn so much from somebody, when they're 'distracted playing,' it's just amazing to me! The people I've meet have come from all over the world. The last lady I met, she came from Ireland! She had a beautiful accent and was just a lovely lady to sit next to. The other one I met, she was from Austraila. She too, was very nice and lovely lady to be around. I truly enjoy listening to other peoples accents!

Maybe that's why I do the foolish thing(s) I do. To meet people, from other countries, and just enough have a real conversation, with somebody that's enjoyable to be around. It's more a "social disfunction" with me. Since I'm always alone and nobody to talk with, I find a 'distructive way' to get and have social interaction. I've always enjoyed being around people, even if they're in less than a "perfect mood." If I had friends or people to hang out with, I believe that my "social dysfunction(s)" would be extremely limited. All I know is that I seem to "crave" being around people and just having a good time. I don't want to be friends with them, to me, that would be 'awkward' kind of situtation, it's still nice to have human interaction(s). I don't believe people should be alone; ever. I find myself in a deep hole, not only due to my own situation(s), but the gambling aspect(s) of it. You can't just "sit" in a store and chit-chat with people. A bar to me, is more of a "pick up joint" and I don't drink very often, so I don't go to any.

My gambling issue is more of a 'social' problem(s) within my own life. Being around other people that gamble, isn't 'my cup of tea.' Even IF I could have more control over this "demon" of mine, when you're around others' that are going thru withdrawls of gambling and you want to go, it's their "jobs" to deture you from going. So, maybe that's why I don't participate in any kind of GA session(s)? You can't just go out and meet people these days, because their always "leary" of your true intention(s). While I can completely understand/respect that aspect of it, I just want to meet people, have fun, and enjoy life! Sitting at home, all day, ever day of your life, tends to make (me) most people 'antsy.' That's the other half of my gambling issue. I get antsy to meet people, go out and "kick of my shoes" for awhile, and just socialize! It's sad that my "pet" seems to be one of the most distructive behaviours that I have to endure; daily. I "chomp and crave" to much for human interaction(s) and that's leading me down to spend monies that I don't have to waste, just to get it.

I wonder, even as I'm writing this posting, how to 'curb' that kind of human interaction(s)? I mean, I'm not one that enjoys always being in the "same circle" of people; constantly. I need new people, different people, and people that just "come to have fun" and then we go our own seperate ways. I like that fact that it's all about anonymity.
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Old 03-05-12, 03:23 PM   #73
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Today's another day of 'craving' human intraction. I'm sick and tired of my daughter, her attitude(s), and her lack of any kind of respect for me. It's amazing to me, that a complete stranger can treat me with more respect and kindness, than my own kid. It's strange to me, to be honest. You can find that outside your home, but 'families always supposed to be there for you.' Whoever came up with that saying did not meet my daughter.

I have even thought, just about going down there, with no money, just to 'interact' with people. I know that though, people are 'funny' about others just walking around and watching them play. They think they 'want' something. Yes, I guess that would be the correct presumtion. I don't want money. Just somebody to sit, chit-chat with, and just enjoy someboody that doesn't get on that last nerve. I want to just to have some kind of 'fun' even if I'm broke. I don't understand and I guess I never will, why I find other people so intresting and "crave" to talk to them? I know I'm always alone, but I have my "boys" to keep me company, even if they're not able to talk back. I have to admit, they're great listeners and never get on my nerves; ever! I like that fact!

Maybe, some day, off in the distant future, I'll meet some people that just want to hang out, have some Starbucks, and just 'chill.' It would be most benificially for myself and maybe I can give them a few laughs. If only life was that easy.
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Old 03-07-12, 07:54 PM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aries View Post
Today for some reason(s) I'm truly "chomping at the bit!" I awoke to my left hand itching like crazy, then, somebody FINALLY paid me some money (serious money) that I needed. While that's all fine and dandy, I really wanted to go "hit" the casino! Instead, I ended up paying a bill and now I'm broke!!! I'm also still 'beating myself up' for NOT taking that slot machine that hit and that's almost over 1 week ago! Grrrrr....when does this vicious cycle stop? Well, at least I didn't 'throw it all away' this time and did the 'more' responsible thing.
aries, i just read this, that is so awesome! good for you!!
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Old 03-07-12, 10:57 PM   #75
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Blue Girl - Thank you so much. It's hard, each and every day, but I'm trying...
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Old 03-16-12, 03:02 PM   #76
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Even tho I'm planing on leaving for a day, I found a casino that's close to the 'escape place' that I wanted to go. I honestly don't know IF I'll be able to 'resist the temtation' of going there? I do need to have a day or two to myself, but when I get board, well, let's just say, we all know what happens. When I maped it out, I thought this. Hmm, a new casion, maybe some 'better chances' of wining and not tucking my tail between my legs. While it's only just a thought that crossed my mind, it still leave me to wonder IF I can 'beat' this gambling urge that so much consumes my life? I don't get paid for a few weeks still, but I find that I'm just 'chompin' to get out of the house and enjoy myself, no matter what the cost might be. It's truly sad how 'twisted' my thoughts become when it comes to gambling. Most people take a limited amount of monies with them, leaving all the credit cards, and other monies at home.(so to speak) Me, it's like let me take my whole check and see IF I can actually "hit" a big one. I feel like I'm "due" a big hit, but in reality, it's just another useless and unproductive 'pipe dream' that I'm having. It truly would be great, IF all this nonsense would just stop....
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Old 04-08-12, 06:25 PM   #77
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im still losing at poker, now about 270 pound in, ($450?) was playing with a pro today though, he made it to the final table of the world series not so long ago, i still lost the tourney but at least i got somthing out of it. i play out of boredom and misplaced hope. as long as i keep putting some away for my own place, i can afford a little poker every now and than. i just hope it never becomes anything more life destroying than that.

sorry i havent been on here lately aries, are you still going to the casinos?
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Old 11-20-12, 09:23 PM   #78
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whocares - I apologise for the (massively) late reply. I've been going down to the casino. All the stress I've been under, with so many things, it's my only outlet.

This is, this month, I really need to stay away. I wont have money for any gifts, if I go their and blow it all. They sure don't care if I win or lose, just so long as they (people that own the casino) laugh all the way to the bank. I really need to keep my witts about me this month. I hope I can. I haven't been feel the urge, like I have been, so much as the past. Maybe it's a good sign?
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Old 11-26-12, 12:01 AM   #79
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Today, for some reason the gambling urge is upon myself. I have no real reason(s) as to why, I just have it. I realise that I have no money to go, but that only seems to make it worse; the urge that is. I'm tired of battling this demon every single day or every month. I know that I have bills to pay. I'm so far behind, so many things and I don't get paid till after Christmas time. That alone presents a problem for myself. I have the urge to go, so I can have some gifts for my daughter. I realise, honestly, that as always I will walk out of their broke, if I would go. That's the battle that always ensues me. Wanting to go, knowing the bills I'm falling further and futher behind on, but wanting to 'hit it big' so I can get my own life on a better path. I don't really understand why this has to be a battle, inside myself, every day of every week, or even month. There's times, honestly, I've been able to not go down, but there's so many other months, that the 'demon' wins over my better judgments.

Not having a support system or even friends within my life, just makes it extremely difficult, when I'm facing that challange. I think, honestly, I would like to be the one, instead of all the others' around me, being able to go places, buy things, and just have 'money to burn' because I'm able to and am able to afford it. I think that also contributes into my gambling issues. Not having alot nor being able to "keep up" with all the neighbours around myself. They're improving their homes, having their families over, going out of town, trips, and you name it. I'm always stuck at home and have nothing; ever. I don't understand why I'm not able to beat this addiction; once and for all? I mean really, it's a choice. It's a simple one to boot. Go gambling and lose it all, be further behind, and have nothing to show but empty pockets; for another month. Stay at home, do nothing, but pay bills and try to catch up; best I'm able to. I mean, when you put it out on "paper" it seems just a simple choice. It's much more difficult, when you actually have the money. I'm always causing myself to teeter totter every month. This is one addiction I really would like not to stuggle with or suffer through; monthly. Some months I can do it and other months, I just allow it to ruin me. To me, it's the hardest one to give up and that's because, it's my problem; gambling.
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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ~ Bruce Lee

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