Bad thoughts and making me so depressed… help me someone
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Bad thoughts and making me so depressed… help me someone

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Old 08-17-06, 09:22 PM   #1
 
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Default Bad thoughts and making me so depressed… help me someone

Hi everyone… I just I’m the first to start of this forum! I’m from California and was diagnosed with OCD when I was 20, but I did have OCD symptoms from a very young age. When I was young it was more like washing my hand and having baths over and over again. It got to the point where I was having showers for 7 hours. After so much mental suffering and adjusted myself to not clean all the time and after a few years I’m finally out of the clean thing… BUT
Then started the obsessive thinking… This is pure suffering that I get so depressed for thinking intrusive thoughts… like hurting my love ones or I’m going to hell when I die… I know these are just thoughts and mental images, but just the idea of getting bad thought into my head makes me so depressed. sometimes I’ve gotten panic attacks and the depression stays on….
Recently I got this thought about hurting the Buddha. In Buddhism it says we should keep our thoughts, speech and actions calm and good. I could control speech and actions, but how can I control thoughts??? I know the Buddha doesn’t exists anymore, but just the evil thoughts of hurting such a good, compassionate person, makes me think how evil I should be to think bad about such a kind compassionate human being. I sometime think that I might go to HELL for think of these evil thoughts about him… I feel sooooooo depressed and sad and can’t get myself to do anything productive these days… I have so much fear of HELL… please help me someone… I don’t even hurt an ant and I’m try to be vegetarian, but how can I be pure in thoughts…. I get elvil mental images… how can I stop? HELP ME PLEASE…. Someone…
:(
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Old 08-17-06, 09:25 PM   #2
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Well, you did the right thing by coming out about OCD. What do you want to talk about?
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Old 08-17-06, 09:46 PM   #3
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Hello TomSmith. You are having, most likely, what is termed "racing thoughts", these are uncontrollable thoughts that pop into our head, from the subconcious or random firing of neurons in the brain due to associations which you are unaware of. Unless you sit around and focus intently on hurting the Buddha or someone else, it is probalby a result of the OCD and harmless to anyone but yourself--not worth punishing yourself over. To fantasize about hurting someone like the Buddha who is not alive, physically, is a fantasy. It is not the Buddha you want to hurt, but what he represents. What does he represent to you?

Do you know that the way they train Zen Monks is by surrounding them with noise--clanging, yelling, sometimes hiting them with a stick while they meditate. It makes thier focus stronger. Anyone can meditate in a quite dark room, but it takes real strenth of mind to do it in chaos.

"It is easy to be a holy man on the top of a mountain. "

OCD is all about trying to control your life through "magic" rituals. Did something traumatic happen that made you feel out of control when you were young?
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Old 08-30-06, 08:08 PM   #4
 
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Buddha to me a one of the most compassionate, kind and loving beings on earth. By developing the mind through meditation to the highest level of purification, he attained enlightenment. I'm so much is gratitude for his selfless compassion in teaching us the path to enlightenment.

I know it's stupid to think bad thoughts about such a compassionate being, but I keep getting unwanted thoughts and I fear that if I think like this I would go to Hell or suffer in my next existence. Thinking like this I get depressed everyday. I try to rationalize my self in thinking, if I think about something bad or hurting Buddha I wont go to hell, cos I actually didn't do it and wont do it... But the mere "thought" just depresses me so much. I'm going around a circles. Sometimes I feel great after I rationalize my self, but soon I'm back to square one!

Thanks for your kind comments tiggrr and I’m sorry for the late reply.

I think sometimes that, why was I ever born to suffer so much. I try my best to be kind and compassionate everyone and won’t even hurt an ant, but why do I get these evil thoughts?????
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Old 08-30-06, 08:41 PM   #5
 
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I am so glad you are all having this discussion on OCD. My best friend was just diagnosed with this a month ago and I am STRUGGLING to know what to do, how to react, respond....even what OCD truly is.

I have nothing to add of any help, but would like to watch the conversation and LEARN from you all, okay?

I admire that you are able to face this head on and ask the questions. Thanks.

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Old 06-12-07, 04:42 AM   #6
 
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I have OCD and i know exactly what you're talking about. i count when i walk, don't like the direction left, think someone's going to kill me in the shower (thanks to the movie psycho--don't recommend it for someone with OCD), all of that. i don't usually think of hurting loved ones, but do not feel like you're going to hell..i know you can't help it, but this is NOT your fault.

OCD is known as the most frustrating anxiety disorder..i hate it, and when my doctor tried to put me on medicine for it, i had BAD side effects..like the paramedics were at my house, so i looked it up online and tried this stuff called behavioral treatment.

for your thoughts and compulsions, just do ANYTHING YOU CAN to try to get it off your mind..i know it's SO hard and it sounds like you're trying, but just get on here and i'll try to do anything i can to help you. i know how hard this can be.

i just didn't give in to my obsessiveness and didn't go through w/ the rituals and compulsions the FIRST time i wanted to. i learned that the more you do the compulsion or ritual, the more obsessed you become with it..so even though it's really hard, try not to give in the first time, and remember, this won't happen over night.

i still hagve trouble with it, but i'm doing a lot better. to me, it sounds like you may also have some problems with depression. don't be afraid to talk about it. i'm a caregiver and love helping people.

hope i've helped..anything i can do? let me know.
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Old 06-12-07, 04:45 AM   #7
 
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I have OCD and i know exactly what you're talking about. i count when i walk, don't like the direction left, think someone's going to kill me in the shower (thanks to the movie psycho--don't recommend it for someone with OCD), all of that. i don't usually think of hurting loved ones, but do not feel like you're going to hell..i know you can't help it, but this is NOT your fault.

OCD is known as the most frustrating anxiety disorder..i hate it, and when my doctor tried to put me on medicine for it, i had BAD side effects..like the paramedics were at my house, so i looked it up online and tried this stuff called behavioral treatment.

for your thoughts and compulsions, just do ANYTHING YOU CAN to try to get it off your mind..i know it's SO hard and it sounds like you're trying, but just get on here and i'll try to do anything i can to help you. i know how hard this can be.

i just didn't give in to my obsessiveness and didn't go through w/ the rituals and compulsions the FIRST time i wanted to. i learned that the more you do the compulsion or ritual, the more obsessed you become with it..so even though it's really hard, try not to give in the first time, and remember, this won't happen over night.

i still hagve trouble with it, but i'm doing a lot better. to me, it sounds like you may also have some problems with depression. don't be afraid to talk about it. i'm a caregiver and love helping people.

hope i've helped..anything i can do? let me know.
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