Ummm well i have a question about self-pleasing
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Ummm well i have a question about self-pleasing

This is a discussion on Ummm well i have a question about self-pleasing within the Male Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Well , damn this feels weird to post or ask at all, so here it goes. Well i am a ...

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Old 06-27-14, 02:21 PM   #1
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Default Ummm well i have a question about self-pleasing

Well , damn this feels weird to post or ask at all, so here it goes.

Well i am a virgin, i know i know its sad, and am in my early 20s, and i havent masturbated since like i was 16 or so, due to having a huge bad feeling after cumming, some very bad feling filled with loneliness and self pity. So after realizing i wont find girl any time soon, i am in doubt wether or not should i start doing it again, since my libido is very high (who can blame me, i am guy in my early 20s)

Well i know its weird to and awkward to ask something like this, what are your opinions? Am i the only one who has/had that bad feeling after self-pleasing.

Sorry if anyone is feeling uncomfortable or offended by anything mentioned in this post.
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Old 06-27-14, 03:03 PM   #2
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Maybe just try it once?
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Old 06-27-14, 05:10 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by nsdimitrije View Post

Well i am a virgin, i know i know its sad, and am in my early 20s, and i havent masturbated since like i was 16 or so, due to having a huge bad feeling after cumming, some very bad feling filled with loneliness and self pity. So after realizing i wont find girl any time soon, i am in doubt wether or not should i start doing it again, since my libido is very high (who can blame me, i am guy in my early 20s)
Being a virgin = sad? I don't see how being a virgin is sad, its merely just a word. Your a lot smarter than that to fall into the "I'm a virgin loser" crap.

I think you have to reevaluate yourself on this. There's nothing to be ashamed about masturbating. Its not something bad or evil or sinful or any of the other things people tell you to male you feel bad. Its a biological activity that you participate in by pleasing yourself. Its no one else's business but your own so you don't have to worry about what others think. You can ask for tips and tricks so to speak and there's nothing wrong with that either.
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Old 06-27-14, 05:13 PM   #4
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And even if a girl was present, sometimes us guys just need some "Me" time. As long as you enjoy it, go for it.
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Old 06-27-14, 05:35 PM   #5
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I understand, thanks for replies. And i dont see being a virgin=sad, its just that modern culture puts it as something shameful, i am more ashamed of being incapable of making a decent relationship then being virgin to be honest.

Well i guess i will give it a try.
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Old 06-27-14, 11:24 PM   #6
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My opinion is sex only makes you more depressed. Once you get it you'll want it more and more and if you ever get to a point where you can't easily get it you'll turn to masturbation, and if you start masturbating a lot it can really drain your energy and testosterone.

Thats just my personal experience, though. I think you should focus on other things because sex wont bring you happiness. Friends and family will, though.
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Old 06-27-14, 11:42 PM   #7
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Very good advice, chopin. Being a virgin, I have such high hopes and expectations for sex, but I realize it can be very damaging and disappointing if I do it when I am not ready or just to avoid the stigma that some people place on virgins.

It's something I struggled with too. I am a late 20s girl, also a virgin.

I indulged in self-pleasing for the first time this year and had horrible feelings of guilt and shame after. Sometimes I've begun to really miss it, though, mainly because it helps me relax when I feel stressed out. At night, when my feelings of depression are the worst it helps me feel relaxed and go to sleep.

Like you mentioned, the bad feelings come more from the fact that I can't find someone I love and care about to have a sexual relationship with and have to please myself. I suppose that wouldn't be a problem if I didn't want a relationship.

After I do it, I always think how pitiful, but then I realize that there are tons of people who do it and it's one of those things that people do when they aren't in a relationship.

One thing that has counteracted the feelings of guilt is realizing that there are all kinds of studies that show the health benefits of a little pleasure. Given my stress levels these days, I feel it does help.

You aren't the only one that feels guilty about it. I think it's a natural feeling when you want a partner. For me, it's like I am somehow blaming myself, but you can't do that. The truth is that finding/having a partner is something out of our control. It will happen when it happens and until that time love yourself and take it easy.
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Old 06-28-14, 03:00 AM   #8
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Very good advice, chopin. Being a virgin, I have such high hopes and expectations for sex, but I realize it can be very damaging and disappointing if I do it when I am not ready or just to avoid the stigma that some people place on virgins.
Thank you. Ill tell you one thing about sex, dude. It feels really good. I mean, thats about it. Its awesome. But its a temporary high. Once you're done with it, it's gone. It does nothing meaningful for you.

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It's something I struggled with too. I am a late 20s girl, also a virgin.

I indulged in self-pleasing for the first time this year and had horrible feelings of guilt and shame after. Sometimes I've begun to really miss it, though, mainly because it helps me relax when I feel stressed out. At night, when my feelings of depression are the worst it helps me feel relaxed and go to sleep.
You shouldn't feel ashamed about it, though. Jackin off is a normal thing to do. There's nothing wrong with it man.

But yea..

Masturbating frequently can be harmful, and thats just my personal opinion. Ive been a sex addict since I was 13 years old and it has ruined my life. Its what I like to call a "bottomless hole" youre gonna keep going and going there for something meaningful and pleasant but you'll never get it.
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Old 06-28-14, 06:20 AM   #9
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Quote:
Very good advice, chopin. Being a virgin, I have such high hopes and expectations for sex, but I realize it can be very damaging and disappointing if I do it when I am not ready or just to avoid the stigma that some people place on virgins.

It's something I struggled with too. I am a late 20s girl, also a virgin.

I indulged in self-pleasing for the first time this year and had horrible feelings of guilt and shame after. Sometimes I've begun to really miss it, though, mainly because it helps me relax when I feel stressed out. At night, when my feelings of depression are the worst it helps me feel relaxed and go to sleep.

Like you mentioned, the bad feelings come more from the fact that I can't find someone I love and care about to have a sexual relationship with and have to please myself. I suppose that wouldn't be a problem if I didn't want a relationship.

After I do it, I always think how pitiful, but then I realize that there are tons of people who do it and it's one of those things that people do when they aren't in a relationship.

One thing that has counteracted the feelings of guilt is realizing that there are all kinds of studies that show the health benefits of a little pleasure. Given my stress levels these days, I feel it does help.

You aren't the only one that feels guilty about it. I think it's a natural feeling when you want a partner. For me, it's like I am somehow blaming myself, but you can't do that. The truth is that finding/having a partner is something out of our control. It will happen when it happens and until that time love yourself and take it easy.
I agree, its very confusing feeling i got after doing it, its like after huge relief and excitement and all, i still got that self-pity feeling, but i guess it did release some bottled up tension that i had. You greatly explained how i feel, probably better then i could. And thank you, its good to know i am not the only one with this feeling.

Thank you all for replies.
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Old 06-28-14, 08:31 AM   #10
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Very good advice, chopin. Being a virgin, I have such high hopes and expectations for sex.
This is probably one of the biggest mistakes to make. (glad to have a girls opinion on it to by the way). Sex can be good but it doesn't mean it will be good for everyone as its so popularly advertised in the media or from others. Some people go in expecting it to be something grand and come out disappointed or even hating it, but will often tolerate it so as not to be bashed by others.

The most damaging parts occur when they get into a relationship and use sex to "secure" that their partner won't leave them. But usually at some point, the sex will dwindle and as a result the infamous questions will surface. "Is he/she cheating on me?", "is he gay?" is he/she sick, depressed?" "am I not attractive enough for him?" "is it that I don't have a large enough penis?" "why can't I satisfy her/him?" or the guilt driven statements: I don't want to be the only one enjoying sex" "I should be feeling this way or that way" and so on and so forth.
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