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A Man With No Confidence

This is a discussion on A Man With No Confidence within the Male Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Originally Posted by Dead Radio Yep I can agree with 100 percent of that. Sucks don't it. I think I ...

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Old 12-03-10, 02:20 PM   #11
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Yep I can agree with 100 percent of that. Sucks don't it. I think I may force myself to go to the gym. Dedicate myself to one thing that will raise my ego and make me feel worth while.
I agree, I believe the gym is the best place to raise self-esteem, theres a great sense of achievment and self-worth after a good workout
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Old 12-04-10, 02:31 AM   #12
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I've always felt this way, honestly I don't even know the difference anymore. I don't know if this is really how I am or if it's my self esteem's negative perspective. What I do know is the results. I dropped out of college, never tried (or really had a chance at) any job I ever wanted. Always been out of shape no matter how much I've tried to change that. I haven't had any friends in some time and NEVER had a close friend and I've been able to avoid initating conversations so long that I really don't know how, any more. Even when I'm around someone I like I can't think of anything to say.

I told my ex everything about me. All the crap I've done and try to deal with. She told me things things about her she never told anyone outside of family. Hell a week or two ago she called me for the first time in months because she was upset about something and had no one else to talk to. She use to tell me, when speaking about another one of my ex's, she knows what it's like to be "mindfucked" as she put it. She tried to sympathize.

Then she dumped me. There may have been other personal reasons involved but if there were she felt she wasn't going to talk to me about personal things anymore. All I know is the depression played at least some role.
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Old 12-07-10, 12:50 AM   #13
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All the fucking time.
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Old 01-31-11, 03:08 AM   #14
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I've suffered from self-esteem issues since I was in my teens, I'm 35 now.
It has ruined my life, I've never had a girlfriend, and have never been able to get a job above minimum wage (and haven't been able to find a job at all in years).
I'm an amateur writer but I constantly doubt whether my writing is any good. Whenever I show it to my family they usually give short obligatory compliments that don't help at all.

I've been thinking of ending it for years but have been too cowardly to try since the one real (obviously failed) attempt several years ago. But I feel if something doesn't change soon and I don't end it I'll lose my sanity.
I feel like a worthless person who is just taking up space, eating food, and breathing air that he has no right to use up.
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Old 02-03-11, 08:02 PM   #15
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Ok, I know this is the "Male issues" part of the forum (I'm a woman), but I read your post and really felt I had to reply.

I've struggled with self esteem issues since puberty, and I felt really alone in them sometimes, but what I realized is that low self-esteem can manifest itself in different ways. I knew a guy who was the BIGGEST D-bag you could imagine, a total Tucker Max-type (google Tucker Max if you don't know who that is... or on second thought, save yourself the agony...) but when I got to know him better, I realized he was a mess. He hated himself, felt like he wasn't intelligent or attractive or likable, and dealt with it by getting drunk and basically molesting women whenever possible.

So, even men that "get a lot of women" are not always the confident happy people they may appear to be. If there's one thing you can start to like about yourself, it's that you don't deal with your lack of confidence by acting like you own the world. I know it sounds ironic, but that is a huge accomplishment-- much bigger than I'm sure you realize.

There is no such thing as a man that can't get any women. I swear to God. So why do you struggle so much? Because you are acutely self aware, very conscious of yourself, and very self-critical. But I'm willing to bet this also means that you're sensitive and could be very caring in a relationship, more than most men, if given the chance. You need to realize that the characteristics that make you so prone to feeling like you want to avoid the world are also good things that a woman could really feel attracted to, if you give yourself (and her) the chance.
Seems like good advice
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Old 02-08-11, 03:29 AM   #16
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It's a double standard. I've seen tons of woman with low self esteem and no confidence with bf's, but I have rarely seen a guy with low self esteem and no confidence with a gf.

this is true, and you can't fight it.

we're just animals at the end of the day. females have a carnal instinct to find a man that will make them feel safe and secure. ...and that means a man with confidence. so you can't blame women or be resentful towards them. its not a choice they make, its just a fact of life. confidence is part of our male role that we play in nature.

i think its safe to assume that you are nowhere near as worthless as you think you are. you just feel this way because you have conditioned your mind to hate yourself. low self esteem is learned, its not inherent.

finding a good book on cognitive therapy might help you. cognitive therapy helps to identify habitual thoughts that are irrational and/or distorted. if you examine how your thoughts are processed, you can begin to recognize how ridiculous they really are. this method helped me, and it was really appealing because it was very inexpensive, it didn't involve any drugs, and it didn't require me to actually talk to anyone (i'm kind of a loner). hope that helps.
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Old 02-13-11, 10:14 PM   #17
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I hate absolutely everything about myself, plus no girl ever has or will want to be with me.
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Old 02-21-11, 11:08 PM   #18
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Directed at OP - No girl wants to be with a guy that has low self-esteem. All you're going to do is drag them down, and after a while they'll start looking for happiness in other places because you're not giving it to them. NO ONE is worthless, everyone has a purpose in this life. NEVER think that you are worthless, ever. Even when you screw up. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don't give up on yourself either. You are strong enough to get through anything that comes your way. You're strong enough to post all of your problems on a forum, where people could easily criticize you for being weak but instead you pushed that thought out of your head and did it anyways. You need to focus on what you're good at. And don't you dare say nothing. EVERYONE is good at something. Focus on your strengths, and focus on improving your weaknesses.

Girls will screw you over, again and again. Trust me, and every other guy in this forum. Girls will screw you over. They don't know what they want, and their emotions easily sway their thinking. Your ex wasn't being cruel to you, she was trying to help you. Granted, she probably didn't say it in the best way possible but she was indeed trying to help you.

There's a HUGE difference between confident guys and cocky guys. Girls need guidance and support in relationships, and guys with no self esteem aren't going to give that to them. I'm not saying girls are weaker by any means in any aspect, both genders obviously have their strengths and weaknesses. Women suffer from low self-esteem because they feel stressed that they have to look amazing, all the time, and there's always going to be someone prettier than they are, in their eyes anyways. Women with low self-esteem get guys because they are attracted to any attention that they get, because they aren't used to it, simply because they have low self-esteem. That's why women stay in abusive relationships, they have low self-esteem and don't think that they deserve any better for themselves, and don't think that they can get anyone better than their abusive jerk of a boyfriend/husband, etc.

And you're definitely not the minority because you have low self-esteem. Guys, like girls, are severely stressed by society/media. We're supposed to be macho men and take care of the wife/kids and have a job and do everything, and if you sway away from that, or have *strange* hobbies, or wear skinny jeans, or any stuff like that you're not the epitome of a manly man, and girls won't be interested in you. Which, by the way is complete bull. Get confidence in yourself, whomever you may be. Don't worry about being rejected by women either. Just keep trying, eventually you'll find one that's worth your time. And if they rejected you, they probably aren't worth your time anyways, regardless of how amazing they might have seemed.

Just keep your head held high bro. You can get through this.
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Old 03-03-11, 01:07 AM   #19
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Well....just be yourself. Not all boys are macho....I cannot be....But think of all the men who got what they wanted without being machoo...think it is possibile...if you are not macho...you are not...you may have bettter succes at women...
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Old 03-06-11, 05:14 PM   #20
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Yeah, what posters above said.

I might add, I agree there is no such thing as a guy who can't get any woman. Thing is, when mosty guys complain they can't get a woman, what they are really saying is " I can't get a ATTRACTIVE woman." Your problem, my friend, is your standards are too high.

Attractive women are like rich/confident men- they can afford to be total d-bags and pick whichever mate they like.

Me? I just accept that I probably will be alone forever. I engage in risky behaviors, knowing that if I get hurt/die, it won't really matter to anyone.
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