A Man With No Confidence
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A Man With No Confidence

This is a discussion on A Man With No Confidence within the Male Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I have the lowest self-esteem imaginable. I donít think I met a single guy ever who has a lower self-esteem ...

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Old 11-29-10, 08:42 PM   #1
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Default A Man With No Confidence

I have the lowest self-esteem imaginable. I donít think I met a single guy ever who has a lower self-esteem than I do. It really affects everything in my life. At work, at school, I am extremely quiet, because of my social anxiety I am afraid to initiate conversations. I am very insecure with myself, my looks, my intelligence, everything. I constantly doubt myself. I am extremely jealous of other people, especially men I see that can get women. I feel like an inadequate man. I feel most insecure around women I find attractive. I donít have any friends. I feel insecure around just about every guy that I come across, I always find something to make me feel I am not good enough. I question whether I am smart enough for college, I question whether I am a likeable person that people would want to be friends with, I am bitter but also scared of women because 99.9% have rejected me in my life. My self-esteem is so low that Iíd rather stay in my room everyday than venture out into the world; I just donít want people to see me.

When my ex broke up with me she told me I had very low self-esteem and that I am full of self-hatred and it was a huge turn off. After that she said no women would want to be with me being the way I am, she then told me never to talk to her again. After that experience I knew I was lower than scum. She was the one and only girl who I always knew to be accepting and understanding yet she was so cruel to me in the end. She always told me how she hated cocky guys but then sheíd tell me how she could never understand how people can hate themselves, I think a cocky guy would be best for her since she is so insensitive to people with low self-esteem. I know women are more known than men to suffer with low-self-esteem and poor image of themselves but I constantly see women in that predicament with friends and bfís. However I donít ever see guys with low self Ėesteem and no confidence be that lucky, hell I donít even really see guys that have lower self-esteem period. I feel as if I am in a minority-being a guy with low self-esteem.

Do any of you guys on here suffer from low self-esteem?

Maybe what Iím really trying to ask is, Do any of you guys on here hate yourselves as much as I do, and think everyone is better than you like I do?

Do any other guys on here have no confidence like I do?
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Old 11-29-10, 09:37 PM   #2
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Yep I can agree with 100 percent of that. Sucks don't it. I think I may force myself to go to the gym. Dedicate myself to one thing that will raise my ego and make me feel worth while.
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Old 11-29-10, 09:46 PM   #3
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Hey Goose.

I can relate the experience. I was in a relationship and this person meant the world to me, to the point where I cared for them so much all I could do was focus on my own flaws and faults. I wanted the best for them and all I could see were my own short comings. I knew they'd leave, I had it all worked out in my head, but I didn't want to lose them because they meant a lot to me. The irony is though that in the course of being together I changed because of it and I was no longer the person they fell for. I hated my self for it afterward and it just made me see all my own faults even more.

This isn't long ago in some distant past. This is recent and I still feel the echoes of heart ache because of it. I hated it, I hated my own weakness for not being able to see my own worth.

That drove me to better myself. In a way the memory of that person, who I was, when I was in that relationship spurred me on to be better. I used it to fuel my academic and athletic ventures. I'm still alone but I'm working being able to keep company with myself. I can't prescribe advice, or wisdom or a course of action. I just hope that you don't let this beat you and that you do probably the most difficult thing. Going out and doing things that will allow you to enjoy your own company. Hopefully you can see your own worth.
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Old 11-30-10, 08:54 AM   #4
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I can relate to how you feel. I don't have any confidence or self esteem at all. I don't think i even know what confidence is...i don't think i've ever experinced it. When i see confident people i don't really understand what i'm looking at. Obviously that means i've never had a girlfriend or even been on a date before. I've only ever been rejected by women.

To be honest with you i'm getting really sick of hearing about how important confidence is. It happens on this forum all the time. Some guy will complain about not being able to get women and someone always posts a response telling them they have to be confident because thats what women find most attractive. It pisses me off because i know that i'll never be confident which means i'll never know what its like to have a girlfriend. I will always be alone. It seems women can look past any other flaws a guy might have but they find a lack of confidence totally unacceptable.
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Old 11-30-10, 09:05 AM   #5
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Yes I do Goose. I agree with almost all of that but I'm pretty good looking I just get so insecure and never talk with women when I see that want to get to know me. I always turn down invitations to everything and I really agree with you when you say you do not want to be seen by the world.
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Old 11-30-10, 09:57 AM   #6
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Ok, I know this is the "Male issues" part of the forum (I'm a woman), but I read your post and really felt I had to reply.

I've struggled with self esteem issues since puberty, and I felt really alone in them sometimes, but what I realized is that low self-esteem can manifest itself in different ways. I knew a guy who was the BIGGEST D-bag you could imagine, a total Tucker Max-type (google Tucker Max if you don't know who that is... or on second thought, save yourself the agony...) but when I got to know him better, I realized he was a mess. He hated himself, felt like he wasn't intelligent or attractive or likable, and dealt with it by getting drunk and basically molesting women whenever possible.

So, even men that "get a lot of women" are not always the confident happy people they may appear to be. If there's one thing you can start to like about yourself, it's that you don't deal with your lack of confidence by acting like you own the world. I know it sounds ironic, but that is a huge accomplishment-- much bigger than I'm sure you realize.

There is no such thing as a man that can't get any women. I swear to God. So why do you struggle so much? Because you are acutely self aware, very conscious of yourself, and very self-critical. But I'm willing to bet this also means that you're sensitive and could be very caring in a relationship, more than most men, if given the chance. You need to realize that the characteristics that make you so prone to feeling like you want to avoid the world are also good things that a woman could really feel attracted to, if you give yourself (and her) the chance.
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Old 11-30-10, 10:08 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whirlwind0318 View Post
There is no such thing as a man that can't get any women.
I would beg to differ. If you only knew!
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Old 11-30-10, 10:41 AM   #8
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I was just out and talking to people which im usually good at faking totally left me feeling horrible.Even llittle things I hate when people notice. I also blush when nervous or feel anything and I hate it I hate myself. Im losing myself.
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Old 12-01-10, 02:04 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roger Red Hat View Post
It seems women can look past any other flaws a guy might have but they find a lack of confidence totally unacceptable.
It's a double standard. I've seen tons of woman with low self esteem and no confidence with bf's, but I have rarely seen a guy with low self esteem and no confidence with a gf.
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Old 12-01-10, 02:20 PM   #10
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Thanks everyone for the replies.
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