everyone is having sex except for me
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Life's Other Challenges > Male Issues


everyone is having sex except for me

This is a discussion on everyone is having sex except for me within the Male Issues forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; literally. Everyone else in my age bracket has had sex by now. When and how will I ever get laid? ...

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-15-16, 11:25 PM   #1
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 696
Default everyone is having sex except for me

literally. Everyone else in my age bracket has had sex by now. When and how will I ever get laid? It's so fucking unfair. This is torture. Honestly, the fact that I'm still a virgin is probably one of the main causes of my depression.
Black Sheep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-16, 04:57 PM   #2
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 38
My Mood:
Default

How old are you, may I ask? I'm 23 years old and I'm still a virgin and that's fine with me. Honestly, from what I've found, sex isn't really that hard to come by. It's only really difficult if you have standards for who you have sex with, so I definitely consider it a good thing. There are a lot of different variables that play a part like how you're meeting people, maybe some behaviors (I don't know you very well so I'm not implying anything, just saying sometimes it helps to look at what might be distancing you from people and attempt to better understand it).

In all honesty, you're far from alone here, there are plenty of men out there who haven't had sex with, hell, most people I know lie about it all the time. The most important thing I can tell you is to stop defining yourself based on your desirability to women (if you are, that's usually where these thoughts come from, as well as the virgin shaming that a lot of guys engage in, not really realizing that all they're doing is showing how little they think of themselves) and if you're not and literally just want to have sex, figure out what's causing you to still be a virgin and correct it.
TheOutsider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-16, 06:47 PM   #3
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 696
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOutsider View Post
How old are you, may I ask? I'm 23 years old and I'm still a virgin and that's fine with me. Honestly, from what I've found, sex isn't really that hard to come by. It's only really difficult if you have standards for who you have sex with, so I definitely consider it a good thing. There are a lot of different variables that play a part like how you're meeting people, maybe some behaviors (I don't know you very well so I'm not implying anything, just saying sometimes it helps to look at what might be distancing you from people and attempt to better understand it).
I'm close to the same age as you. Sex is impossible to come by for me. My only "standards" are that I find her physically attractive. I don't think that's asking for too much.

Quote:
The most important thing I can tell you is to stop defining yourself based on your desirability to women
I can't. That's just how I'm wired. I've always felt worthless and had this unfulfilled need for external validation.

Quote:
figure out what's causing you to still be a virgin and correct it.
paralyzing social anxiety + depression for over a decade
low social status
no money + poor job prospects
average appearance
no personality
very few redeeming traits

I could go on, but I won't bother.
I can't really "correct" any of these things.
Black Sheep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-16, 07:58 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 38
My Mood:
Default

No, that's not asking for too much that you find her physically attractive. To be honest, that's one of those double standards I always come by. When a man just wants to be with an attractive girl, he's considered a pig but with women there's "you can't be in a relationship if you're not attracted to them". It's definitely not easy to not define yourself on the basis of your desirability to women but it's not impossible. It's just something that really saddens me to see when people stop valuing themselves for who they are instead by how someone defines them. That's the case for me, I'm attempting to do so but it is hard when you're as lonely as you are.

Now, I think top priority would be to work on those things that are troubling you, it appears as though you've already made up your mind that you can't and I'm deeply sorry for that. You've posted in another thread that you've attempted therapy and it hasn't helped? (correct me if I'm wrong). The same goes for me as well. I also worry about how much people have come to value themselves on the basis of their social status, money, and job but I can see how much society forces that upon you, I'd argue it's the reason I've stayed single for as long as I have, just trying to find someone who is willing to look past all of those things to see the actual person, I just wouldn't want to be with someone for such superficial reasons. Question for you, are you familiar with MGTOW by any chance? That's done wonders for me with at least attempting to break free from all the arbitrary social impositions that society puts on us. I think that those things that you are listed are possible to change but I do know how defeating it can be living with them for as long as you have. I can relate to how you're feeling in a lot of ways. I know I talk a lot about change and correcting things but I'm terrible at following my own advice.
TheOutsider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-16, 09:33 PM   #5
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 696
Default

it's refreshing to see someone who can relate. I am somewhat familiar with MGTOW and I agree with their principles. It's just so difficult for me to follow through. No matter how hard I try to stay focused on myself and my personal goals, I always eventually end up feeling like crap about how women view me. I wish I could completely eliminate my libido.

I think part of the problem is that our generation was brought up with a certain set of values and beliefs, which suddenly became obsolete due to the overwhelming influence of the media. I wish I was born in a different era. It's just so painful to live like this. I feel the same as you about modern-day relationships or hookups... I understand the "game" completely, but I don't participate because I hate everything it represents. Sorry, I'm rambling and probably not making much sense. But it's crazy... I'm aware that I've been brainwashed by society to feel worthless about not having sex, money, or status (like you mentioned), yet I'm unable to change it.

You know, I was feeling really awful when I wrote my last post. I don't know why, but your response made me feel a little better. Thank you for that.
Black Sheep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-16, 10:00 PM   #6
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 38
My Mood:
Default

Awesome, at the very least, I'm glad that I was able to make you feel better. And it's alright to just ramble sometimes, it can definitely help just to get some aspect of your thought process out there. I'm sure I'll find people who disagree with me on here, but I do feel as though there is a sort of attack on masculinity happening, wherein young men in particular are finding that all of those things that give them purpose are being taken away from them as you said. Walking down that road of defining your own values for yourself is an incredibly difficult one and it definitely comes with a massive amount of depression and anxiety. I'm still working on it, myself, and every single day I deal with so much self doubt. I'll keep my eyes out for any additional resources I can find that may help but if I could make a suggestion to just attempt to consciously remind yourself that you are more than all these things society values, I think it could be very beneficial, at least on the days you feel like you can, if those come at all.
TheOutsider is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2