"You're not going to settle down?"
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"You're not going to settle down?"

This is a discussion on "You're not going to settle down?" within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; This is one question to which I've yet been able to come to understand. What I'm looking is more of ...

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Old 07-16-13, 06:36 PM   #1
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Question "You're not going to settle down?"

This is one question to which I've yet been able to come to understand. What I'm looking is more of opinions in this case.

To make a long story short, I very recently was asked this question 3 times over a period of 2 days by 4 different people (kind of eerie sounding). The first was my uncle. I was discussing living expenses to get an idea of what kind of budget I would need over at where he lives. The conversation ultimately reached a point of him asking me if I had a girlfriend. When I answered "no" he then asked me "But you are planning to find one and settle down right?" When I again answered "no" he gave me a funny look, the same kind that people have been giving me whenever the same question has risen in the past and when he asked why, I answered "because I don't want to"

My grandparents followed by saying that I only thought that way now but that as I grew older I would want to find someone to settle down with.

Last but not least (and although it has been a while) was my mother. I was talking to her over the phone and she made the remark by saying "after you get back (I wasn't in my country) you can look for another, better paying job and go find yourself a nice girl to settle down with" My reaction was "one faces enough problems alone to be paying attention to someone else, besides I don't share the popular ideas that people have" to which she responded that not everyone was the same. True in a way I suppose but not enough to convince me.

I mean, I have nothing against this. It's just something that when I've given it thought, it hasn't offered me any strong enough reason for me to act on the quest of looking for someone to share my life with.

I can understand that it may be a social/cultural thing but why are people so obsessed with the idea that everyone just has to find someone to settle down with that when someone tells them that they don't want to, it earns them such a reaction of shock?
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Old 07-16-13, 07:02 PM   #2
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I'm a huge proponent of free love and am sex-positive, so I'm against monogamy. Maybe after menopause my sex drive will go down but I'll probably still want to be single and free. Luckily for me no one has really pressed the issue.

I don't know why everyone wants or expects this. My guess is that people often do what's expected of them because they assume it will make them happy and don't think deeply about the issue with their own minds.
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Old 07-16-13, 09:38 PM   #3
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I think that this is because it's considered to be "normal" for people - and the majority of people do want to find someone to share their life with...but I don't necessarily think that that has to be classed as normal (wtf is normal anyway?). Just because the majority of people do a certain thing, it doesn't mean that a person can't be happy with their choices to do something different.

While I don't understand why someone wouldn't want to settle down (I'm one of those tragic cases that has always had to have someone by my side), each to their own. Why be in a relationship if you don't want to be in one? I think that particularly for the older generations, they have difficulty in understanding such things... this also includes having kids outside of marriage, gay marriage, etc. etc.

Sure, perhaps one day you may meet someone who will change your mind. But you still may not. And I hope that your family will be accepting and supportive of that.
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Old 07-17-13, 09:34 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rememberthegirl View Post
I think that particularly for the older generations, they have difficulty in understanding such things...
I agree though younger generations still seem in their majority to follow the same line of thought seeing as I've also gotten the same reaction from people who are my age or younger and generally around the same range. It's something that is seem just as odd as not wanting sex.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rememberthegirl View Post
Sure, perhaps one day you may meet someone who will change your mind. But you still may not. And I hope that your family will be accepting and supportive of that.
That would make 2 of us since my family has never really accepted me. They have only accepted the image that they have made of me. But whenever I don't comply with that image, it instantly earns disapproval.
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