yes, life and love will go on

will you have questions from time to time...sure...who wouldnt

it's different for everyone. no one person's heart is identical to another's.

for me i don't think i will ever get over my first love 100%. of course i am very much in love with albinorat and my not being completely over my first love doesn't detract from my love for albinorat in the least.

i was in love with her from 8th grade until 11th grade. it took me until last year to get over her 99%. still even if i come across her name or facebook page i get butterflies in my stomach.

she organized "take back the night" at my high school. she also had a severe disability that required her to do full time physical therapy for several semesters. i visited her at her home a few times (she lived a few blocks from me) and always hoped she would be able to come back to school. however she always kept moving forward as much as she could. she taught me a lot about the effects of sexual abuse and helped me begin my healing process. she also taught me that disability doesn't have to be a DIS-ability but rather just another way of living. seeing her i started to realize my chronic pain wasn't normal (before i had assumed everyone was like me and i was just weak). so she helped me begin on my path of healing from a lot of emotional and physical pain.

she was also physically beautiful. her hair was of all different colors. when i first met her it was blue. then it was fuchsia, then raspberry then blonde. she would wear beautiful brightly colored wrap-around skirts. i remember this golden yellow one in particular. she would often be seated on the floor in the hallway, her bright skirt beautifully wrapped around her.

she insisted on using a tape deck and listened to her music in tape form. she was rebellious in a lot of small ways like this, using tapes instead of an ipod like everyone else.

i loved her. and a part of me still loves her and always will. of course i am much happier now and very much in love with albinorat. i will always love albinorat no matter what happens.

cf

oh yeah by the way i was too shy to come out to her and two years after she left high school i found out she was bisexual! hits self on head.

cf

yes, if they screwed you over.
You're lucky to have a first love to reminisce about instead of one that made you stop believing in love.


bitter? yes.

that's what i'm worried about. i love him to death. and i can't even imagine how horrible it would be if something happened and we had to break up. because i feel like he's the one. and he's the most important thing in my life. and i guess i don't really have my own life because my world revolves around him. it's an amazing feeling to love someone, but it is also scary to be so attached and dependent. and maybe at some point it stops being healthy.