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"You'll only find it when you stop looking"

This is a discussion on "You'll only find it when you stop looking" within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Okay I didn't end up reading the whole thread but: I think there's a balance between searching for someone and ...

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Old 06-04-11, 01:57 AM   #11
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Okay I didn't end up reading the whole thread but:

I think there's a balance between searching for someone and not doing it.
Guys, as like teenagers, have this hormonal thing that they go through where they feel like they need to have sex, and most deal with it in the usual way; i.e. by trying to have sex.
What does this have to do with relationships? Well, whether they succeed or fail they're richer for the experience. They benefit from knowing HOW to talk to girls and how to flirt, for better or worse. Then when they're more grown up and mature, they're ready for their perfect relationship, but they're not LOOKING because they know that they will know who they really want to be with when that person comes along. They just have their eyes open, is all.

The best formula really seems to be to act like you fit into the same mold as the rest of society and, inside that mold, you become a puzzle piece that is more likely to fully fit and interlock with someone else.

Being unique is significantly harder and requires much more endurance of sadness and loneliness but IF you ever find the person that's right for you, I can only imagine it means so much more. I can't really tell you that much because I have, frankly, never been with a woman. Ever. I can't even guarantee that love happens for everyone, always, and if you're like me, it's a thing you kind of have to just find a way to get over.

Still my best suggestion is to try to love yourself and help yourself and focus on your own style without being completely rejecting of anything that MIGHT help your chances. Remember you want to be able to receive a person into your life and that is a big thing so you NEED to be receptive in general to many potential changes.
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Last edited by daftone; 06-04-11 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Elaborated what I meant in one paragraph.
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Old 06-05-11, 02:06 AM   #12
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yes i agree with you Daftone.
what a balanced and relaxed point of view! i share it totally. thats the thing- to keep ur eyes open and yet be free of this chase to find someone which on my point view can lead to losing urself.

although what u said about guys and hormones- well, i think its the same thing for girls!)
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Old 06-05-11, 12:40 PM   #13
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Well, I couldn't tell you about girls, lol. I would feel pretentious to speak for anyone but myself, really, but it's easy to observe the behaviour of younger guys as they grow up because I am marginally older than the crowd I work with.

I spend a lot of time alone to reflect on things like this. Finding ways to rationalize loneliness is all I can seem to do sometimes.
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Old 06-06-11, 05:52 AM   #14
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well for me its not really rationalizing because i remember how i had constant need to be with someone and it drove me crazy and made me feel bad about myself if i didnt find someone.

the thing is later on i saw that emptyness, if it is there, doesnt go away even if the guy of ur dreams likes u.

and its so great when u do like someone and he likes u and yet u dont have doubts about urself, dont have fears of losing it- for me its the best!

but it doesnt mean i never get lonely, i do. but its not often and not bad...

i hope u feel ok!
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Old 06-06-11, 11:41 PM   #15
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I used to be desperate about having at least a friend but I've given up on that now. Hence I rationalize loneliness, I try to find reasons that it's not so bad rather than try to fix something that I probably can't.
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And then, pretty soon, you'll be flying again.

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Last edited by daftone; 06-06-11 at 11:42 PM. Reason: rephrased sentence
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