"You'll only find it when you stop looking"
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Life's Other Challenges > Love and Relationships


"You'll only find it when you stop looking"

This is a discussion on "You'll only find it when you stop looking" within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I never understand that... Can someone please explain to me how that's supposed to work? People tell me that if ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-31-11, 02:49 PM   #1
Member
 
Eraserhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: A road I call Violence Road
Posts: 955
My Mood:
Default "You'll only find it when you stop looking"

I never understand that... Can someone please explain to me how that's supposed to work? People tell me that if I actively look I'll only find crappy relationships but if I stop and do nothing and wait, something wonderful and lasting will spring up. When I'm looking, I never, ever find anyone. When I've stopped looking, girls have found me but it's always turned out to be painful and difficult and leaving me worse off than I was before, so it seems like "you find it when you stop looking" is kind of nonsensical... Has it ever actually worked out for anyone? Seriously?
Eraserhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-11, 07:13 AM   #2
Experienced Member
 
lizzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: a beautiful world
Posts: 1,027
My Mood:
Default

no its true,
but when it finds u u dont actually know how to deal with it and what to do and cant protect urself- THATS the problem.
so yes 1) if u want smth let go, it will find u 2) be sure that u know what to do with it because we all hurry to find smth and then are surprised that it not what we looked for.

plus make sure u ask for what u want. if ur idea is to be happy and its a priority - then u wont get any bad suprises. if however u thought that happiness and satisfaction are automatic if it finds then u are wrong.

the thing is that happiness comes from within and there is no thing that can make u happy if u are dont have it inside.

its all about illusions people have. expecting smth doesnt mean it will be like that.
lizzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-11, 05:30 PM   #3
Member
 
Eraserhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: A road I call Violence Road
Posts: 955
My Mood:
Default

Thank you for responding, but I don't understand... Can you elaborate? Dumb it down? Something?
Eraserhead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-11, 09:32 PM   #4
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 55
Default

eraser im with you i think this line is BS anything in life you have to work hard for..nothing is given including love and respect...example..if say i go to subway ..and when i get my food i notice a woman sitting by herself..two choices could ask if you can sit and see what happens..or sit down and heat and hope..she doesnt leave before youre done..or that she will even talk to you...what choice is LIKELY to gain a friendship / relationship?
HopelessDesire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-11, 10:48 PM   #5
Member
 
I will make you hurt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 279
My Mood:
Default

I think it's about how goal oriented you are. I think if you're determined to find that someone you may be wanting a certain goal and you keep from living day by day, learning and understanding that person. If you're going to stay with someone for a long time, eventually they become a normal part of your life. If you just let it happen, then its the best.

I guess for example I can explain how one of my favorite albums, was simply made just by musicians doing what they wanted to do, with no real goal in mind to make an album, money, have a producer, etc. and it became one of the greatest indie albums ever made. I guess just letting it happen was great in that case.

I think it comes down to a balance thing though. You should make an effort to meet new people, but you shouldn't do it ONLY so you can find a mate. Let normal socializing take you to someone who you really connect with is how I understand that saying, because being idle and letting opportunities pass is, I agree, nonsense.
__________________
And I Should Contemplate this Change, to Ease the Pain. And I Should Step Out of the Rain, Turn Away.
I will make you hurt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-11, 10:58 PM   #6
Experienced Member
 
powpowpow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,314
Default

i like this quote in the sense that i dont want my life to just be some quest to find someone. im not gonna look at every experience i have and think "where is he?" when there is so much more going on. for me, its not about "being idle and letting opportunities pass" its about taking the boyfriend filter off and living life to its fullest.

ill go out and meet people and do things but if you're always trying to find "the one" i think ur gonna miss out on a lot of good stuff.
powpowpow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-11, 07:41 AM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bristow, VA
Posts: 798
Default get it?

Example:

Have you ever looked for something (i.e. keys, a favorite shirt, a CD you wanna listen to, or even a forum thread for that matter) that you would really like to have instantly but have no idea where it was or not sure where exactly you last saw it?
After a few minutes, hours, days, or even weeks of searching…you give-up (for whatever reason) looking for it because you thought or might have thought that you…probably lost it for good.
And then, all of the sudden (when you least expect it, the darn thing that you are desperately looking for and given up on searching)…there it was, on the bedroom floor, covered underneath a pile of magazines that you were reading the day before yesterday. The “gadarn” thing was there all this time.

Now, if you haven’t experience the above circumstances then you probably won’t understand what I’m trying to say here but, if you did…take it as little good example of how life (love & relationships) works.

I think the person (or people) who told you that you’ll only find IT when you stop looking, are trying to imply to you that you don’t have to limit yourself on trying too hard or being hell-bent on finding that special someone. It seems like you did have bad experiences (painful, difficult, and leaving you worst that ever before…as you have mentioned) before when these “girls” found you. Well, maybe it wasn’t the right “girls” for you. Maybe those “girls” who found you doesn’t really have any intentions of having a true, lasting, and meaningful relationship with you. Maybe those “girls” who found you just want to have fun at that particular moment when you are with them. I don’t know…I’m just guessing here. There are always two versions in every story.

Some call it fate and some call it bullshit. People believe whatever they want to believe. But when everything is said and done…I truly believe that…you can not look for true love. True love will find you.
__________________
- You know what excites me the most about life?... Death. It's definitely 100% pure, unbias, certain, & undeniable climatic phase that will literally takes your breath away. The anticipation is killing me.
rmgedon69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-11, 11:55 AM   #8
Junior Member
 
The Lost's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Twin Peaks
Posts: 104
Default

As others have said, the quote is very true, almost eerily so.

Its not so much implying that you are guaranteed to find love without any effort but that you will often find it when you least except it or when it isn’t the first thing on your mind. I don’t think there is a scientific explanation for it, there are probably some theories but the one I like best is finding your own happiness through making others happy. I mean by making others happy, by doing good deeds for others, you won’t really notice what you consider to be the negative aspects in your own life (in this case the need to fall in love) and become more positive as a result. Believe it or not other people can actually pick up on this and the more positive you are, the more you will appeal to both yourself and to others. You’ll be far more relaxed, more able to compose thoughts and to make decisions, heck chances are you will notice a million things you never even saw before like how that cute bank clerk smiles at you or the sweet new co-worker who sits across the office.

There is a sense of desperation in searching (or obsessing) for a relationship, you may not realise this and by all means you may have purely good intentions but the scent of desperation is there and others will most surely notice. This I can guarantee. You will be more tense, more obsessive about things like your clothes or hair, your speech will be co-ordinated to the point of sounding unnatural and you’ll emit a sense of urgency that makes others feel rushed and uncomfortable. You may not notice it at all, so many people don’t, but I promise you that it’s there and others are picking up on it. You stop being you. Ever see those people who are constantly going on dates? They may have the looks or the cash but night after night they’re seeing someone new because the previous date failed. It’s the desperation and unnatural behaviour, it’s scaring people off.

But focus on your hobbies, read that book you always meant to finish, go and visit that country you were always interested in, help your neighbour with their shopping or take up a class. When finding love is the last thing on your mind, when it’s tucked up at the back of your brain next to flossing and emptying the trash, when others are seeing you as being relaxed, easy-going and positive WHAM, it hits you, and hits you hard.

I used to be a serial dater in the past, used to concentrate on saying the right things or wearing the smartest clothes and despite going on over ten different dates nothing had clicked. After a while I quite the dating game, I travelled, I wrote, I read and I started to learn how to being alone and getting on with my life. Then no sooner had I reached the pinnacle of comfort, just as I was happy with who I was and not fussing about having a relationship, I ended up sitting next to a woman during a long train ride and she and I hit it off immediately. No chat-up lines, no expensive clothes or the need to impresses, just as I stopped looking; WHAM it hit me, and hit me hard.

Don’t give up my friend, just don’t obsess about it either.

Last edited by The Lost; 06-02-11 at 11:57 AM.
The Lost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-11, 02:51 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
laneblade's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,500
Default

I think it could be true.

I hate talking about my relationshhip on here because it could upset people or sound like I'm bragging but I think it is just made for this converssation.

Before I met my my boyfriend I considered myself a-sexual. I had no romantic or sexual desire for ANYONE or even sexual desire in general. I would only accept a friend (since I had never had any I gave up on them).

I had an offer to go out and I took it as not romantic so I went. I thought he was really nice. I tried to end the outing with a hearty handshake haha.

Anyway.... Long story short we got together and have been together for 10 great years and have never even had a fight.

so I guess what I'm trying to say is that I definitely wasn't looking for one but even if I found one I only treated him as a friend and let the romance seed and grow over time.

So be content and comfortable by yourself and whether or not you get one you'll be just fine, but chances are it could find you through a great friendship.
laneblade is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-11, 06:07 AM   #10
Experienced Member
 
lizzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: a beautiful world
Posts: 1,027
My Mood:
Default


So there are many things that impact relationships and u finding them.
On my point of view its true that there is no point in looking. Ur experience shows the same. The harder u try, the more u look, the more its escapes u.

but then its all about what u put into this word – love, relationship, etc. I think people think that they will become these perefectly happy people and evthg will fall into place in their lives, evthg would be fine – they just need to find love. I believe its not true. My experience shows that u can find anything but is u feel unsatisfied and not happy w/o it – nothing will change with a relationship. Life will just become more complicated but that’s all.
I think happiness comes from within. And its about learning to be happy regardless being in a relationship or not. If u are like that then there is higher chance that it will turn good.
Also its never a coincidence about who actually finds you. Insecure, scared people attract people who hurt them, if you feel confident and stuff then its more likely u will have a normal relationship… that’s what I think.
lizzy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:40 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2021 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2