Why does she make me feel like this?
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Why does she make me feel like this?

This is a discussion on Why does she make me feel like this? within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I don't really know what to say as i am no good at expressing myself or opening up but i ...

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Old 02-12-13, 08:19 PM   #1
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Default Why does she make me feel like this?

I don't really know what to say as i am no good at expressing myself or opening up but i feel i have nothing else to try. I was with this girl who i cared about deeply and would have done anything for. When we first got together it was great and amazing and then after a while we had to tone it down because she has a very busy social schedule running cycle clubs in her spare time so we got to see each other less. Then after a couple of week of this things start to deteriorate down and she becomes less and less talkative, happy to see me etc. so i try and talk to her saying something is wrong i am not happy about what is going on can we try and find out whats up.

What I did not realise as she hadn't told me was that for a while i had be making off hand comments which were really putting her down and making her feel ashamed of herself. obviously when i heard this i was so ashamed of myself even though it was not deliberate and i felt like shit for treating the woman i loved like this i told her this and said i would think about it more and stop, in the mean time she also asked me to get on with her friends more which i then did too.

however time went by and nothing changed in fact it became worse, she would speak to me less and have no time for me at all to see her, i didnt see her alone for over a month, so i made several more attempts to speak to her which only resulted in her becoming even more angry with me until today when i finally managed to speak to her and she explained to me that it was as a result of a defense mechanism she has that when she could get hurt by someone she cares about she shuts off from them and she said as a result of this she doesnt know if she has feelings for me anymore or not.

this is hard for me as i do not do feelings because i get too emotional so it took a lot for me to open up to her in the first place and now i feel like i've been betrayed in a way and also just feel really bad, this is like ontop of other aspects of my life but i do not wish to go into detail with them.

if anyone has and advice i would appreciate it because right now i just have nothing :/
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Old 02-12-13, 11:11 PM   #2
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You mentioned how you don't open up very well so what I would do in your situation would be to open up to her and tell her how you feel about her. It might be hard but showing that you would do something you don't like too out of your love for her might get her to become comfortable with you and take down the wall she's built to keep you out. You need to show her that your different than others who have hurt her and you would never do that intentionally. Best of luck!!
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Old 02-13-13, 04:50 AM   #3
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You have found yourself in one of the most difficult situations when it comes to relationships, having to contemplate the eternal question of when to fight and when to accept defeat. The latter is always the hardest. To fight for the things that feel so important to us is natural. It's no less natural than a mother protecting her young. Love is an investment in someone and it's not one that you give up on lightly. However, emotions without restraint can be cancerous. We were given not only a heart but a mind and for good reason. The heart is not best placed to make all of our decisions for us. Sometimes you have to try and step out of yourself and look at the situation in a more cold and logical way.

You have tried to make contact on numerous occasions and with each attempt she has just become more frustrated with you. That is the picture that you have presented. The only exception being when you finally did get through to her and she told you this thing about her cutting off from people who might hurt her. Well, even assuming that's true it does precious little for you. Particularly so if you can't even get through to her to talk about it.

She seems to be dictating that you give her space, she is not leaving any doors open for you. That is the most clear sign to me here. I cannot be 100% sure what's going on in her mind and neither can you or anyone else. Only she will truly know. However, there comes a point where self preservation is your primary objective. Right now she is doing what she believes is best for her. You need to do the same. I would suggest that what's best for you is not running into a succession of closed doors and giving her easy excuses to blame you for her deteriorating mood. I would suggest that it's time to step back and take a leap of faith. Give her the space that she is more or less demanding. Don't go to her, don't chase her, don't message or call her. Leave her to it. Don't do it in the constant hope that she will come back because she may well not. She may actually be withholding her true position from you, out of guilt at how it may sound. Whatever the case, it's time for you to focus on you. If trying to put out a fire will only make it worse then it's time to stop trying to put it out. Leave it be. Sometimes you cannot affect something by proactively tackling it and so you have to take that leap of faith and let it go whichever way it decides to go. It's a hard place to be in because we don't tend to like things beyond our control. But there it is. You cannot control this if she won't let you do anything.
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