Trying to Move Forward, but it Seems Impossible!
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Trying to Move Forward, but it Seems Impossible!

This is a discussion on Trying to Move Forward, but it Seems Impossible! within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; I don't know how to stop stalking my ex on social media. I keep trying to get myself to delete ...

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Old 06-03-14, 05:16 PM   #1
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Unhappy Trying to Move Forward, but it Seems Impossible!

I don't know how to stop stalking my ex on social media. I keep trying to get myself to delete or block him, but sometimes it gives me comfort to be able to stalk him. I know that sounds deranged, but somehow knowing the truth and knowing that he is talking to someone else, no matter how much it hurts me, seems better to me that being in ignorance. I don't know why. I've tried to stop looking and even tried deleting my Facebook, but nothing seems to work.

I've also started stalking the girl that he is now talking to and comparing myself to her. I don't even know her, but she just seems so popular and outgoing and adventurous and fun. She seems to be everything that I want to be and have everything I don't have. And I just feel so hurt whenever I think about my ex moving on so easily and me sitting here months later and stalking him on Facebook.

I think the problem is that I still believe somehow that he is the one for me. I know it's crazy. If he didn't care enough about me, I should move on. I know that logically the "one" for me would care more about me and never leave me. But sometimes I just wonder if I messed everything up and wonder if I can have a chance in the future. I keep trying to move on, but I don't know how. I have no interest in dating anyone else. The only time I seem to feel hope about my situation is when I think it might be possible to have another chance with my ex in the future, even though I know that is probably unlikely.

I know I need to move forward and stop stalking my ex, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I know this is fueling my depression a lot and keeps making me feel regret. Sometimes I do feel I can move on and move forward, but it always comes back to this struggle.
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Old 06-03-14, 05:50 PM   #2
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You remind me of me.

I try to solve the problem by thinking about what I wanted from that person and if that person was really able and willing to give it to me. Also what that person wanted from me and if I was able and willing to give it to that person.

It's good to take an interest in other people and things, but take care. Forcing yourself to move on by dating someone else you value less without letting go of your ex first will probably just hurt you. Falling in love again before solving the problem that leads you to be obsessed by a person so intensively might be not be wise either.

This is what I tell myself but I don't know how to fix the problem exactly. Just thinking aloud.
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Old 06-03-14, 06:58 PM   #3
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S0meone ~ Hope you don't mind me posting here or my own thoughts on your thread.

I read your posting. As I was doing so, it truly reminded me of my situation with my daughter's father;ages ago. In short here, I was still waiting things to work out & he started dated another female. I ended up stalking him. To be honest with you, it did more damage then good. I started fixating on them, what they were doing, & all the thoughts that can/do run through your mind. The worst & most difficult part of our "relationship" is that we did have a child together. It took many months to figure out, that he needed to find his own way;as I needed to find mine. No, it wasn't easy to undertake, but in the long run, it was better...for myself.

As time has gone by, they got married(she has her own daughter, just a few months younger than my own), & things have progressed, he's "paid the price" for his own choice(s). This female is extremely demanding, wont back down from him, costs him a ton of monies, & is taking him to the cleaners. My way(s) of thinking, he got exactly what he wanted. He wanted a trophy & he's paid the price for it. I will admit, that's to me, is the justice of what his choice was. He didn't want someone that loved him & didn't cost him all that he has. He wanted to have a trophy for a wife.

I tell you this, as a way to try to move forward from what you're putting yourself through. It's the hardest thing to let someone go, no matter what you think/feel/believe. In the mean time, YOU need to move forward & make your life the best you can make it. It's hard, believe me I speak from experience here, to let it go & not be fixated on that person. However, all it's doing, in all reality here, is keeping you from living your own life;to your fullest. Find things to occupy your time & energy on something that will benifit yourself dear. Joining a support group, for an example, will give you a different "avenue to travel" on. Finding ways to avoid thinking or "finding" that person, is only going to help you out;in the long run. We tend to damage ourselves, when we're unable to let go of something that we want back in our lives. Whether it be right, wrong, or whatever. When it comes to the struggle(s) of it all, remember that you have this place, people here, & knowing we will always be here for you;supporting you dear.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ~ Bruce Lee

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
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Old 06-05-14, 05:27 PM   #4
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Thanks for your reply :). How did you stop stalking him? What things were helpful as you moved on from him? I keep trying to distract myself with other things. Those distractions work for a little while, but I'm always brought back to thinking about him. Also, it doesn't help when I try to think of moving forward and trying to find a new relationship. I just get discouraged because I start thinking about how difficult it seems for me to connect with a guy and have everything work out.

Thanks for your kind words.
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