So we broke up for good an hour ago and the headache has set in.
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So we broke up for good an hour ago and the headache has set in.

This is a discussion on So we broke up for good an hour ago and the headache has set in. within the Love and Relationships forums, part of the Life's Other Challenges category; Hi everyone. This is my first original post. I don't know who else I could talk to about this. No ...

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Old 06-30-13, 07:35 PM   #1
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Hi everyone. This is my first original post. I don't know who else I could talk to about this. No one in my life liked my ex but it wasn't because he was a criminal or abused me. Everyone had their own reasons but they all put a strain on our relationship. I didn't help either. I fueled doubt by bringing up these negative points when the majority of the time the relationship felt like heaven. He treated me very well. Though he made foolish mistakes. I did as well. In our two years we grew together but the doubt made us separate. Towards the end I recognized what things I did that hurt us and corrected then but by then he had checked out emotionally. One month later and I was still holding on. Everyone says I deserve better including him but he did make me happy. I feel so stupid for my wrongs and looking so desperate trying so hard, forcing things. Right now, I know I should forget about him but he was every part of my life and my only true, close friend. I feel so alone. He's moving thousands of miles away soon and forget about me soon enough.
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Old 06-30-13, 09:19 PM   #2
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Sigh. I just tried immersing myself in hyperboleandahalf and it worked for a while but I keep wanting to send him a link or i'm reminded of the crazy stuff we dealt with. I miss my best friend.
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Old 06-30-13, 10:11 PM   #3
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What do you miss about him? Did you have a lot in common? Did you have fun together and laugh a lot? Did you have the same goals? I don't really love myself, so I have been using guys that I know I don't want to be with LONG term...which is a waste of both our time. Unless your goal is just screwing around the rest of your life, it's best to love yourself first and BECOME the person you want to be with. Ophra's Super Soul Sunday Programs and seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist REALLY helps me a lot since I was raised in a family that was dysfunctional and psychologically unintelligent...I was taught to settle for crap. One of my favorite quotes that keeps me working on my dysfunctional behaviors: One Sickie plus One Sickie does not equal a Wellie.

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Old 06-30-13, 11:54 PM   #4
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Thanks for the reply, 2FnL8 :3

All of the above and more. We had so much in common, in fact, that towards the end he said he saw something in me that he didn't like about himself. I can at least chuckle at that part. I've pretty much always been a person i'd want to be with; always trying to improve. I was just going through a really rough time, weakest I ever was, I can say. I used to love myself more but I saw the hurt I caused and that declined. I've since worked to correct that but I still feel some guilt. I know i'm being too hard on myself because I did try. But I miss my best and only close friend.

I was starting to think i'd never hear from anyone so thanks for your caring words. They sound like me on a good day, lol ^_^
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Old 07-01-13, 04:53 PM   #5
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Grieve for the end of the relationship. Let your feelings flow. There is no "right" way to grieve besides one that helps your over time (your own judgment goes here).

Sadness, just like love, feels better when it's shared. You don't have to be alone. You will get through this pain and you will be OK. I have held on to my ex-gf's memory for nearly 3 years now. I will continue to hold on to the lessons from that ordeal. I deeply loved her while I was with her for 4 years (but I'm never going to get back with her ever again). I'm not ashamed of the bond we have and I have just about no regrets. I loved and lost but I'm alright. You'll be alright too.

Feel your feelings. Let them flow and in time it will all go well.
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Old 07-01-13, 06:41 PM   #6
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I know I should let it go. Lol This is what i'm telling myself. To give up hope completely. Not a magical reunion later. It's hard to forget him when has been with me everywhere and all i've been through for the past two years in some way. I realize getting busy and going out might help but my parents, ridiculously enough, refuse to let me out of the house after the sun starts setting. He is the first person who ever was actually concerned with me and listened to me instead of me listening to their problems or releasing their frustrations out on. Trying to remember to remain positive and attract the like into my life but staying home all the time with nothing to look forward to doing outside anyway...it's been so long since i've done that. Sigh. Thanks for talking the time to reply, Patienc3. I appreciate the interaction. :)
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Old 07-01-13, 08:05 PM   #7
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You'll let it go in time...I actually meant just let yourself feel however you feel. Letting go takes time and is SUPER hard, if not impossible, if you don't accept your own feelings.

I'm advocating for you to not try to forget him. Feel everything you can. Immerse yourself in your feelings and address your core needs. If you feel sad, then let yourself feel it. I allowed myself to sink into depression and it was THE BEST decision I ever made. It allowed me to "wake up".

You can feel anything and everything you want to. Feelings are not actions. Actions like calling him are unfortunately not going to help soothe you . But, you can feel like doing whatever you want. There is a difference. You can cry, reminisce, rage, love, and so on. If you love him, then love him with your feelings (don't actually call him). Grieve however you feel is appropriate. There is no wrong feeling.

Don't bottle the feelings and try to avoid your pain. Accept the pain and do the best you can with the teachings your body/mind/soul provides your being.

I hope I marked the difference in letting feelings flow versus letting them go. When you can let your feelings flow, it's much easier to let a lot of them go.
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Old 07-01-13, 08:56 PM   #8
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You do make a lot of sense and when I reach clarity at times, I think the same. Thankfully, i've run the gamut of options already; reminding him, dating him again, nothing worked so I'm very much content knowing I did my best. I'm still disappointed, though. And as much as I know its healthier to let myself, i'm not in a situation where I can cry it out. Constantly monitored and no one liked him. It sounds like that would help but it doesn't. I don't even know how I survived this long, to be honest. Nothing short of a few miracles, strength and his support, I suppose. Frustrating environment..

Thanks again for your concern. You do sound like you know where I'm coming from and that really helps. I just know I feel stifled and frustrated here and for now I can't do anything about it.
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Old 07-02-13, 07:32 PM   #9
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Hey everyone~ I have an update. In downloading pics from our shared account, I got a hold of old texts he had with a friend of his I was suspicious of. I have never had a true valentine in all my 20 years and last year it was because he got into a fight with on purpose, having spent the previous day with her, then ignored me until the 17th. It hurt then but even more now. I was such a fool. He spent three days calling and talking to her and another person. Sigh. I could never hurt myself by going back with him, unless he did some serious groveling. And I remember now I do deserve better than a liar and constant flirt. Smh. I had forgiven him, but only what he had confessed to. I deserve better. ^_^ but I do need hugs...
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Old 07-04-13, 02:13 AM   #10
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In case anyone is unfortunate enough to stumble on this (I kidd, I keed) I thought i'd update. Feeling better today. I remind myself everyone makes mistakes and I was not perfect. What's most important is admitting the problem exists/exited and take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. Being upset with him helps, too, don't get me wrong. But in this frame of mind, I recognize it was his loss, and I will continue to recognize my faults and strengths and become better.

Sometimes I miss him. And I hope he's working on his issues, too. And unfortunately since we shared so much in common, there's a faint (glimmering) hope that once we get sorted out years later fate would do the stuff that it's done before and connect us again. But mostly I dash that hope and tell myself to focus on the now; focus on getting healed and make sure this now is beautiful and fulfilling. :)

So yes. I'm obviously conflicted still, haha. But I'm sure this break up was necessary right now. I'll probably want support still if anyone's offering ^_^>
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