my new bf has a few troubles, but everyone does. he has a hard time opening up. hes ben hurt ALOT and i took him shutting off his emotions and not getting close to me as a sign of being scared. he has this way when were on the phone or texting, hes cool and hes relaxed and just bullshitting around. but when he comes to pick me up, hes serious and uptight. but ltately thats been going down some, now that were spending mreo time together, hes getting more comfortable with me and isnt as serious when he picks me up. but no matter waht, every time we've hung out, after a few minutes of being at his house, hes completely relaxed and just chilled out. but when we get in his car to take me home, he gets serious again. it seems like he lets his gaurd down and regrest it a few minutes later whne i leave. he also has this attitude of "u want to leave then leave" which comes from him being hurt so many times. but he also seems to have this attitude that doesnt want me to leave. lately when he goes to drop me off, hes gotten more relaxed, but hes still very standoffish. so when i go to get out of the car, it doent phase him, but whne im getting on my shoes ot leave, he doesnt want go and will delay it if possible.
but the other day he looked me dead in the eyes and said with complete seriousness and no emotion "emotions are a sign of weakness". it was unnerving the way he said it. he said he was told that in basic when he was in the army. but heres the catch, he was thrown out of the army, but he wouldnt tell me why. he said it was along story and i took that as a hint saying he didnt want to talkabout it yet. but then he said "i was thrown out under chapter 5, unclassified, u can ask ur military uncle wat it means." well i did ask him, and he asnwered. he sent me a link with all of the chapters and everything and i was sitting here with my brother inlaw who was reading it and he was in the air force. he said that with reading chapter five and the sections and such and the things ive told him and my sister, it sounds like a personality disorder. and im worried now. my bf has already told m (mentioned it on the first date actually) that he has no real reason to live, he also told me some things about his grandparents getting sick and such, and then he said "which i prolly shouldnt have told you on the first date but watever".my brother inlaw said he prolly has commitment issues and he can be too dependent. he can be very stand offish and then be compeltely relaxed and carefree the next minute, then uptight again. and when we stat talking about somehting personal, he changes it his tone quickly. we'll start a conversation, like lets say his emotions or his grandparents being sick, we'llt alkbout that for a few minutes, and then he'd change his tone and go bk to being serious. he doesnt let his walls down for long and i understand why. it just owrries me about how dependant he can be, and which disorder this is. the fact he might possibly have a disorder doesnt scare me, its which disorder it is and how he'll go about handling it. he takes care of himself, he has a good job, his own house, a nice big family, faith in god. im just owndering wat should i do to get him to trust me. and how can i ask him about this? i dont want to say, "oh hey remember when u said i could ask my uncle, well i did and guess wat he said". my brother in law siad with the things ive told him and my sister, that he doesnt like the sound of my bf, that he doesnt sound stable and trust worthy.
he does have his sweet side. the other night, we had sex and i said he wanted to have a cigeratte and shower, but i asked him to lay there with me for a few minutes b4 he goes, i need my cuddling time after sex. and he said go. we started talking and i said im tired and ill prolly fall asleep. he said he'll cuddle up with me and sleep too after a shower and smoke and he'll set an alarm. so i laid there with him, he had his arms around me, i wasnt holding him down, and he wanted a cigeratte so badly he was shaking and just kept telling me "just go to sleep emily. ill get it when u fall alseep, just do it quick." so i dont no wat to do here. if its a matter of him being dependent, i think i can handle it. as long as its not him having to call me constantly, as long as hes not controlling and still respects me, i think i can live with that. but im also wondering, what if he becomes dependent but at the same time doesnt take it seriously. ive known ppl who were ina relationsip and wasnt getting enough emotional support from there partner, even though it was there own mental state and fault, so they cheated and went to some one else looking for the thing that no one can give them. my bf stil goes on the dating webstie we met on, but im wondering if its a matter of him just thinking "weve been together a week, still not sure if we'll be long term" which i can understand. plus he just moved here and is looking on there for friends too. but at the same time, he has cheated b4, he told me that himself. hes also going to california for his job this weekend and idk how long he'll be gonehe said from 7-14 days. he told me flat out that he likes to flirt with the waitreses, make them blush at places like hooters, he said that he got one waitresses to go out on date with him. he said htat he has no problem flirting with a girl infront of me. and i told him flat out, if u openly firt with a girl infront of me, ill walk away and ull never see me again. and i u cheat on me, i will make u suffer. he lieks to try and call my bluffs, and im wondering ifhe thinks im joking when i say ill walk away from him if he doesnt treat me like a princess.
there are just a lot of things about him, sme good, some bad. im wondering if its a control thing. hes trying to control his emotions to control the relationship. idk. im just tyring to figure all of this out and its so complicated for the first week in.